I am so desperate

[Tallulahoola]

I'm sitting here sobbing at 4.30 in the morning. DS is 14 months and has never slept through the night. He screams the place down unless I feed him. I am still breastfeeding even though I've wanted to give up since 6 months, because he won't drink milk of any kind from a bottle or cup. He goes to bed ok and on a good night (about twice a week maybe) will sleep til 4am. Then he is awake every half hour, crying. I feed him at 4 and 5 and 6. I have tried to stop. Tonight he woke at 3am and has only just now stopped crying because I'm feeding him. Controlled crying doesn't work. Leaving him to cry doesn't work. Picking him up and cuddling him doesn't work. A couple of nights this week because I'm at the end of my tether DH has got him up and watched TV with him and then he has stopped crying, so I don't think he's even hungry. This happens regardless of when he's napped, how much he's eaten in the day. Have tried co-sleeping but it makes no difference to how often he wakes/cries.

I can't go on like this. I have a DD with health problems that also mean she wakes in the night. I have a job to get up for at 6.30am. I love him so much but I've got to the stage where at night I resent him so much. I don't want to be breastfeeding any more. If I had a big enough house I think I'd just shut the door and leave him, but as it is I can hear him crying from every other room. Have tried DH doing the settling but it makes no difference.

At the moment he has a cold but he's like this every night so I can't really blame that. Same with teething, he can't have been teething every night for months. Do I just have to put up with this and keep feeding him until he wants to stop, because that's the only way I can ever get some sleep?

I can feel you're pain and am so sorry. I struggled to breastfeed beyond six months because of the awful exhaustion and perhaps your wee one is not even getting all he needs now anyway? Sorry if thats wide off the mark. I just wonder if you need to be really pushing the bottle or nothing thing now? I pushed on with breast feeding long after it suited my ds and myself and it made me ill. I'm not a fan of controlled crying and I remember a midwife pal telling me that my ds was crying probably because he fed to the breast to fittedly, as is, two minutes, then asleep, then two more minutes then asleep kind of thing? IT meant he was getting a lot of the fore milk and that could lead to digestion issues. Who knows? I know after six months it just turned hard. I hope you get a break. Its not a bad thing to just refuse the breast if you decide to feed differently. I feel for you. I really do and sorry I am so useless. x

That sounds awful, you must be exhausted.

In your shoes, I'd get up with him every morning at 4 or whenever he wakes and just treat it as the start of the day rather than trying to feed back to sleep. Yes it'll be miserable as sin for you and your husband for a short while but hopefully it'd stop the association he has with early waking and breastfeeding. Then perhaps once that's broken he'll either start sleeping longer by himself or you could try some other methods to get him sleeping in longer as he won't be insistent on feeding for comfort.

I hope that makes sense. I'm on night feed round 2 with my 9wo and not completely awake yet.

Oh I'm so sorry I know exactly how you feel. My dd is 14m, also won't drink any other milk apart from breastmilk, still wakes up 2-3 times a night. She's been coldy/snotty all over winter but I'm also sure that can't be the cause, I don't know. I would like to stop bf but when it's the only thing that settles them it's hard to let it go! Weirdly my dd will settle for dh in the night, but if it's me she just wants boob. I've tried everything else you say too, if co sleeping worked I would do it but she just cries in our bed instead!
She SCREAMS at the top of her lungs too, it's awful to hear.
Sorry has not been a helpful post but just wanted to show some solidarity, I really didn't think we'd be here at 14m, it's fucking shit.

I can sympathise! My son is 17 months old and we've just started night weaning this week as he was still waking for 2/3 feeds per night and it's taking its toll.

He's breastfed but has allergies so we're both on a dairy and soya exclusion diet. He also won't take oat milk from a cup. He's under the care of a dietician and paediatrician and they have both said (to my surprise) that if he refuses to drink any kind of milk that's fine, as long as he has certain calcium rich foods in the day to compensate. He has porridge with calcium fortified oat milk for breakfast, a Koko yoghurt and a slice of white bread daily and apparently this fulfills his daily calcium needs. It's exhausting breastfeeding for so long and the specialists were surprised I was still doing it.

DH is currently on duty for the night and will offer a cup of water, because if I go through it's game over! The first night wasn't too bad, he moaned for an hour or so then eventually settled himself when he realised I wasn't coming through. We just have to stick with it and expect a few rough nights. Fingers crossed you find a solution that suits you soon, but I really wouldn't worry about him not drinking milk as long as he gets calcium from elsewhere.

Firstly, you are doing amazingly. You poor thing, you sound shattered. At this age there is no need for night mil kitchen than habit (and greed/comfort). Do you have a partner who can support you and do the night settlings? If milk is not available, then it's remarkable how quickly your child adapts to not getting it at night. kellymom.com/ages/weaning/wean-how/weaning-night/

My phone has a terrible autocorrect, "no need for night feeds..."

Thanks everyone. In the cold light of day I am a bit calmer than I was at 4am.

DH has tried doing the settling but it makes things worse really. While I was on maternity leave I did everything at night, because DH had to get up for work the next day so it seemed fair to let him have a proper night's sleep. But I'm realising now that has backfired on me a bit.

During the day he is the happiest, loveliest baby. I'm playing with him now and he's just adorable. just wish I could say the same in the middle of the night