Baby who wont be put down to sleep

[kbaby]

My DD is 3 weeks old and doesnt seem to like being put down to sleep. She will only sleep if being held. You can put her down in her moses basket and within 5 minutes shes awake and no amount of comforting will get her back to sleep. But the minute you pick her up she drops back off. At night she did seem to be better and would go to sleep straight after a feed and not wake until the next feed, however the past night this hasnt worked and again weve resorted to holding her. Its getting quite tiring now as the constant rocking to sleep, putting down, picking back up all day and night is wearing me out as im not really getting much sleep. I thought the reason she was better at night was because it was dark, so ive moved her moses basket upstairs where we have a blackout blind and have been putting her up there for day time naps but it hasnt made any difference. Ive tried a rocking chair, bouncy chair and a pram but she wont sleep in any. She will sleep in her car seat but only if were in the car. She wont be put down to sleep if drousy and again just cries. Shes also a sucky baby so i did start giving her a dummy but this has just made her sleep worse. Has anyone any suggestions on what i can do.

hi kbaby,my ds is nearly 9wks old now.
I understand exactly what you mean,my ds was like that and it is frustrating you would just get him settled and then put him down and his eyes would just open!
It seemed to be worse at night but i think that was because i was tired.
We put our ds in his cot at 6 weeks and that seemed to help,maybe he just felt he had more room in his cot.
Even now though he does this occasionally after he has gone down after a feed and then he's sick.
But the problem has got better

My dd is almost 3 weeks old and we have the exact same problem. She hates her moses basket and wakes up a few minutes after being put in it. At the moment she sleeps in the bed with us, but I'm worried about squashing her in the middle of the night. I'm afraid I have no advice, but just wanted to reassure you that you're not alone! I look forward to reading other people's suggestions!

have you tried swaddling? i know lots of mums recommend this when they are newborn as the baby feels secure because they feel 'contained'. i don't know how to swaddle though

Fold a shawl/blanket (one with a bit of 'give' ) on the diagonal. Put the baby with neck on long end, feet to pointed end. Fold one long end diagonally from shoulder to under the bay's other arm. Roll the bab y slightly to put the end under the back (so it is held witht he bay's weight). Then do same thing witht he other end (although, obviously you'll end up with both arms inside, so you just go round the sausage).

Dd used to not go down after her night feed. She always ended up in our bed on the 'self service milk bar'. I was always really unhappy about it due to safety.

Hi kbaby. That sounds really exhausting, but remember she is still very new. It will get better, honest.

One thing you could do is accept that at this point she really likes/needs to be close to you to sleep--get a wilkienet or other kind of sling so that she can sleep on you (and, ideally, other people as well) during the day/evening and you can still get stuff done, and cosleep at night.

I know lots of people will tell you that if you do this it will be a big struggle to get her used to going to sleep on her own, but my experience with dd2 was that she really changed dramatically at around 9 weeks. Before then, although she would sleep quite well in her moses basket during the day, she never slept for more than about 30 minutes in her basket after about 5pm. I was anxious that we were going to have all kinds of sleep problems, but it hasn't worked out that way (so far ). At around 9 weeks I realised that she was sleeping better in her moses basket later in the day, and gradually tried to get her to stay in it longer. She started sleeping through the evenings in the basket, and then at some point I started trying to put her back in the basket after her late evening feed. She accepted this then, whereas at 5 weeks I had spent many hours trying to get her to sleep in the basket during the evening with absolutely no success. I think this kind of internal shift is very common. Now (6 months) she's a really good sleeper.

Good luck.

HI all.
Swaddling is definately the answer. Works an absolute treat as they dont fling out their arms as they 'jump' into deep sleep and wake themselves. I swaddled my daughter until she was 6 months old and she loved it. And although she sleeps fine now she still loves the moses basket sheets we wrapped her in.
Check out www.thebabywhisperer.com for more info on swaddling. Tracy Hogg has some great advice on this fab website. She also publishes books.
Hope that helps

Hi kbaby - I had this problem and it didn't go away till ds was over 4 months old (rolymoly was lucky). We did wilkinet naps in the daytime and cosleeping at night. The tricky part was how to cook, eat dinner, have a shower, go to loo, etc. Also he snorted a lot and woke me all night. Swaddling and blackout curtains and a dummy definitely helped get him used to sleeping in his basket in his own room (he never did sleep in it elsewhere, although we kept trying with it next to our bed). My problem now is he is nearly 6 months and still swaddled (in two sheets, he is such a wriggler the basic method kif describes doesn't hold long enough - so we use one to hold his arms down and the other to hold the first one down ). I can see this going on till he is 15! Good luck kbaby, it is bloody awful and I thought I was going to end up in court for child-smothering but ds is gorgeous and sleeps now.

kbaby

dd was exactly the same, and I now think swaddling would have helped us a lot,, they tend to wake themselves up when moving, and they haven't figured out yet that the limbs beloge to them!!!

dd would only sleep lying face down on our chests, sow e took in turns, though I always tried to put her back in her moses basket, and slowly she started sleep longer and longer in it, until at about 9 weeks, (with the help of blackout blinds) she started sleeping for 8 hours. By 3 months she was oding 12, but daytime naps remained a problem for a few weeks longer, until I left her crying in her cot (to go to the loo, but took my time rather than rushing back to her as I used to do)and when I got back she was asleep!! From that day I'd always leave her to cry a few minutes and she learnt to fall asleep by herself.

But that is just my experience, every baby has his/her ways I'm afraid!! I just thought I'd show you it does have an end!!!

Anyway 3 weeks is still young to have much of routine, but if I were you I would definitely try the swaddling, with baby2 I won't leave the hospital until I've mastered it!!!

Hi - just seen this thread and was going out of mind with DS1 with exactly the same problem. He is now 18months and had slept through the night in his own cot from 5 months onwards!!!!! It really does get better and they do find their own way. We thought we were going to have a child sleeping in our bed all his life - we had every rocking gadget etc under the sun and used to stand for hours swinging the car seat backwards and forwards. We used to find the noise of hairdriers and vacuum cleaners helpful at getting him to sleep in his moses basket (albeit for short time periods). In the end I think it all comes down to feeling trust and security in their own environments - and whatever anybody says about 'building a rod for your own back' - believe me, we had lots of that - I personally think you are doing the right thing by holding and gently persisting with trying to put them down...in time, they will get it! (somebody once told me.....that it is no wonder they want to be held so closely after being all warm and secure in your tummy). Anyway - I sooo sympathise but just wanted to reassure you that it does get better!

Thanks i did try the swaddling, but she manages to escape. im also afraid encase she gets too hot.

I know what you mean, kbaby - I'm in terror of hot nights (particularly when we go on hols to France in July). Still, it is worth trying, and if she manages to get out of her swaddling you could try the double method we use - one small soft sheet in triangle (I think a small scarf would work - I'm going to try this when it gets hotter) to keep the arms down, not pinioned to the sides but so that she can only move them a bit; then a second sheet to wrap round the whole bundle (make sure it doesn't go too high up or get near her mouth, obviously).

Kbaby if she likes being held it might be you she likes iyswim; have you tried putting a T-shirt you've been wearing, all warm and smelling of milk, in her crib or even wrapping her in it when you put her down. I recall we did this with DS1 to settle him and it worked well. Also Webmum makes a good point - this is too young for controlled crying of course, but sometimes the baby cries when she's supposed to be sleeping, and by the time you get in there she's settled to sleep. Worth a try.

I think it's a fairly standard thing for new babies, wanting to be held! Things are still scary and new, and beig held close to a warm body, mummy's in particular, is comforting and reassuring. As others have said, it will get better.
My DS at the beginning would not sleep where he was supposed to! What I did, and it's similar to clary's suggestion, is put any new crib or cot sheets in my bed and sleep on them myself before putting them in his own bed. Putting a mummy-scent on them seemed to help a lot.

hi kbaby

My son is now 9 months and we have had similar problems.

We've tried everything bar leaving to cry which we will not do-no offence to anyone who does, but it would not work for us as parents.

We've done several midnight drives for dummies, etc.

Our son has never come close to sleeping through-maxiumum he has managed is about 4 hours, but then not much more sleep that night.

The main consolation is that he is very bright (ok we're biased but other people do comment all the time-sat up at 4 months, crawled at 6, awaiting walking soon) and sociable.

The only thing that helped was supporting his head when we put him down. Sounds obvious but we didn;t realise he was sometimes waking because his head was jerked back.

If you've got a non-sleeper (and its really too early to tell) , you will adapt, especially (IME) if you are breastfeeding. She is very new anyway and may be a fantastic sleeper in a few weeks so don't let me scare you. But if she doesn't sleep much for a couple of months, or even years, you will be ok, honestly, you really will adapt.

Siberian ginseng (try Neal's Yard) is very very helpful for tiredness, also get a good pre/postnatal vitamin supplement (eg Solgar) and make sure you take care of yourself.

Oh and with our son he did at least start to take sceduled daily naps morning and afternoon which helps-but usually needs to be fed to sleep.

Good luck.

kbaby

We had exactly the same problem with dd2 until she was about 9 weeks too. Even though she was our second, I worried about getting into wrong sleep habits, as dd1 had been so good at settling herself etc. I spent days on end carrying her from morning to evening, as she couldn't bear being flat on her back at all.

Now dd2 is 17 weeks and things are so much better. I can only echo what other people have said here - it does get better, and sometimes it's so gradual that you don't think you're making any progress, but you do.

Some things that did make a difference for us:

Cranial osteopathy - dd2 was a huge baby (10lb 9oz), and born very quickly. Her shoulder got stuck and had to be dislocated to help her come out. As a result, she was in a lot of pain when lying down. We had 4 sessions and the change was remarkable. Gradually she was happier and happier lying on her back, until she could do 45 minutes under the baby gym, at about 9 weeks.

A sling - in the early days, when I just couldn't take the screaming that resulted from putting her down, I did use a sling when I needed to do things like make tea for dd1 (aged 3), do her bath etc. However, I did limit its use as some babies do get used to being carried all day, and this can develop into a habit. This is not funny when they are suddenly weighing 15lb plus!!!

Swaddling - would really recommend this, as it can make babies feel secure. We had to wait until after the cranial osteopathy had finished, as in our case, it only made dd upset, because of the shoulder pain, but it was something we did right from the beginning with dd1, and it was marvellous.

Avoiding too much jigging around - it's really tempting to try all sorts of different methods to calm them, but I found with both dd1 and dd2 that what they actually wanted was peace and quiet and reassurance. This is why they liked being held - familiar smell and sound and movements. Both of mine hated the swinging chair - it only made things worse - although I know some people swear by them.

The best thing is to just take each day at a time, and be confident that this, like everything else, will be just a phase. You will move through this, and, looking back, wonder what you were worried about (mainly because something new will have cropped up to pre-occupy you!!!). The need to be held gradually goes as they become more aware of their surroundings and learn to filter out the mass of stimuli that hit them when they first come into the world.

HTH - good luck!!

Ive booked Cranial osteopathy for tomorrow, so fingers crossed it does something. Ill also give the sheet/tshirt thing a go. Its suprising just how knackering not being able to put her down is. I tried a mothercare sling but she didnt like it so Ive ordered a traditional material one from the internet to see if thats more comfy for her. Today was really bad. Each time she fell asleep I tried to lay her down and within 5 minutes she was screaming. I tried approx 9 times to get her to go down and in the end just give up and sat there crying with her crying on my lap.
Hope tomorrows better.

kbaby, right there with you sweetpea! so fed up with it all at times I could cry (in fact I often do) plus he has suddenly started being uncomfortable after feeds and being generally unsettled.

(mind you I gave him some infacol earlier and some healthy burps came up so maybe this will help too). Fingers crossed for both of us!

kbaby - good luck tomorrow! Do be prepared for it to get a little worse before it gets better with the CO - ds2 was more unsettled immediately following the treatment but got better later in the week. Real benefits started showing after the 2nd treatment for us.

hugs it can only get better

Yes, don't cry! (easy to say). Just remember the mantra..'this too shall pass...'
Good luck

kbaby - just wanted to confirm what others have said about it not being the end of the world if you do end up always holding your dd to sleep and co-sleeping. It doesn't necessarily mean sleep problems later on at all. What really matters is that you do something you feel comfortable with. And ignore all other voices, including internal ones, that tell you you are storing up trouble for later. Just do what feels right for you. And if that means sitting there for half an hour while she sleeps, then don't worry about it. Most other things can wait. I understand that there are times when you need to do stuff and I did find a huggababy sling really helpful for that as they can stay lying down in it.

If you have concerns about co-sleeping then read Three in a bed - I used to peek at it every time I doubted that it was the right thing to do and felt reassured everytime. But also, don't expect it to be the answer to everything. She will still wake up and cry but at least you can stay half asleep yourself while you cuddle her!

Little babies cry. A lot. It's really tough but as everyone is saying, it does pass (for most). And I know you won't believe this now but it won't be too long before someone else with a new baby will mention it and you'll be thinking "oh, yes I do remember when she used to cry all the time. I'd forgotten what that was like." .

Thanks everyone. im hoping it does get better. the craniel osteopothy went ok although i havent really noticed much of a difference yet. were booked in again for next week. ive also bought a swing which seems to have worked ok today, although ive now got thoughts running through my head that perhaps its not ideal for her to nap in it all day due to her being upright etc.

Hi kbaby. Just wondered how this was going, as I didn't catch this thread at the time. I have dd with sim. preferences, but she is getting a bit better and I am getting a stronger arm... perhaps she and I will find a happy middle place...

hi spots,
its a bit better.
in the mornings she will be put down for a 45 minute nap, shes still tired when she wakes up though but will then only sleep being held. Shes the same for the rest of the day. As i type she is in my arms having just woken from her nap.
When shes awake she will quite happily lay on a play mat or in her bouncy chair and laugh to herself for about 1 hour, which gives me time to tidy ordo dinner.
At night when we eventually do get her to go down around 9.30-10.30ish she will stay down all night until 7am. Shes very restless though and from about 1am she moans and wriggles the rest of the night. Its as if shes in a constant state of going to wake up, this also keeps me awake as shes so noisy. The problem its creating is that when shes sleeping on my lap during the day she keeps waking which means that through thewhole of the afternoon [from 11am onwards] she only really sleeps for about 1 hour in total which leaves her very overtired and grizzly. I think ive just come to accept the situation. My friends keep telling me to leave her cry but i wont, i did it once and it made her scream and sream until she was sick, so i wont be doing it again.
ive bought a wilkinet sling which she likes but it takes so long to put it on most of the time i cant be bothered. im hoping that as she gets older and is awake and happy for longer she may tire herself out more or will sit in her bouncy chair/play mat for longer.
hows things with you. are they better

also my mum has her on a friday night which lets me get some proper sleep. this has helped loads as i feel better able to cope