2 yo won't sleep in own bed - extreme reaction

[Allandsundrysunday]

She has slept in her bed until the last month, when she has had a tantrum unless she is able to fall asleep in our bed.

When we put her in her own cot she screams and scratches and hits and eventually gets her leg over the top and falls to the ground, often injuring herself. I have started to put cushions down as a precaution which now lessens the impact of the fall.

Returning her to her cot after she falls/jumps out leads to her hyperventilating and vomiting from crying so much. She also gets so hot and angry that she sweats through her clothes and loses a lot of water so inevitably needs a clean up and nappy change and water.

When it gets to this point we allow her in our bed, wait til she falls asleep then return her to her own bed. If we're not careful the cycle starts again when we do this.

Are we supposed to just ride out the hysterics and sit through the hyperventilating and vomiting? I have tried being affectionate, being quiet, talking her through things. Nothing has worked.

I'm exhausted.

I had this with ds when he was a similar age and I ended up moving him into a toddler bed as our cot didn't have removable sides. It made the transition of going to bed much easier. It did take a week or two of being really firm about staying in bed but he just gets into bed on his own and has been happy to do this since we made the move from cot to bed. This bucks all advice on the sleep websites though. There is a behaviour leap regarding independence and high sided things which I read as ds also hated baths around the same time and it was something to do with not being able to move around freely because of the sides of the bath / cot.

It isn't a magic solution though as he still comes in our bed in the middle of the night but this is our own fault for being too soft (and the arrival of Ds2).

Not sure if this is any use to you but you have my sympathy. It is exhausting

Yep, let her have histrionics. If she can really climb over cotsides she needs to not be in a cot. You could try the 'big girls bed with stars for settling in her own bed each night'.

Has anything changed at home? DD1 started this when I fell pregnant with DD2 (10wo now). I don't know if it was her age at the time (2) or the pregnancy. Anyway, after months of fighting it, I just let her in with me. Is that an option for you? She goes to sleep in her bed quite happily now as she knows she can come in with me at some point in the night. She says she gets scared when she wakes in the night and wants to cuddle mummy. Hard to say no to that.

How can you let a child get so upset that she vomits

If that isn't an option then you just have to ride it out, yes. You're confusing her with the "no, no, no.....ok then" and then sneaking her back in. No judgement - I did the same thing for months - but pick a method and stick with it. Either have a few shitty nights and stick with a firm NO or just let her in with you.

Why can't she go asleep in your bed? Move her later if you need to. I couldn't see a child that upset when there is such a simple solution. You will be less exhausted and dd will feel secure and listened to.

She has been sleeping happily in her own bed since 6 months and she actually gets a worse sleep when she comes in with us. I don't want co-sleeping to be the solution to this.

Thank you for all the tips about getting a cot without a side, that's really helpful.

confused not com why make me feel worse? Is there some sadistic pleasure you get in making the desperate posters to the sleep bored feel like bad parents? Of course we don't "let" her get so upset she vomits. We try and do EVERYTHING we can, we are exhausted, emotionally and physically and have run out of solutions, so came here.

*board

Move the for mattress into the floor for now? Does she have a night light?

OP I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel worse than you clearly already do. I hope the more constructive suggestions you've had on here will help you and your little one.

Don't bother with a toddler bed unless your cot converts into one or someone is giving you a second hand one, just get a full-size single that isn't too high off the ground (we got one in IKEA) - it will last longer and is better for wriggly/restless sleepers plus you can fit in it if you want to lie with her for a bit or sleep there yourself while she's in your bed!

Moving her from a cot into a bed is not going to solve any of the histrionics.

It will just change the "screams and scratches and hits and eventually gets her leg over the top and falls to the ground, often injuring herself." from the cot to the stair gate that she will need at her bedroom door.

I would cuddle and lie with her (on a spare bed next to the cot maybe?) while she's in the cot.

Moving a poor sleeper from a cot into a bed usually creates more problems than it solves.

DS went through a phase like this around is 2nd birthday. He has always been an amazing sleeper. Then one night he just started screaming and crying as if he was terrified as I tried to put him in bed. The first couple of nights he slept in bed with me. Like you this wasn't a long term solution for me. Neither he or I sleep as well together.
I did essentially as FATE suggests although I didn't think of the bed. I sat/lay on floor by his bed holding his hand until he fell asleep. If he woke in the night I repeated. Once he was back to going to bed reasonably calmly I slowly started sitting further and further away. Eventually I would put him to bed and say I just needed to get/do something and would leave for gradually longer periods of time.

I also made sure I was extra thorough with his bedtime routine keeping everything calm.

Good luck OP. It took me 3-4 weeks to get things back to normal. It was exhausting.

I would go straight to a single bed the cot probably makes her feel trapped and with a single bed you have the option to sit/lie with her a while. I used to cuddle in with ds1 have a chat read his story sing him a lullaby by that time he was chilled out enough that I could make my escape.