3.5 month old bed time routine

[digsydel]

Hello all

My DS has always had a hard time settling at night - I posted a while back that it was often 1-2am before he would get to sleep properly, and while that has improved we're yet to get him in to a decent bedtime hour.

So I'm determined to tackle it in the new year. I know the basics from when DS was the same age - bedtime between 7-8pm, set a regular pattern of bath, book, feed, bed, do all those in a darkened and calm environment etc etc.
My real question is - what if that doesn't work?!?! We've tried a few times but invariably I'm still sitting in the dark room with a roaring baby 4 hours later having spent all evening there except for a brief switch with DH to eat. Am I supposed to just persevere for a few days or if he doesn't settle when expected do I bring him out in to the light again.

It makes for a miserable evening but if it's what needs to be done a few times to get him then I guess I just need to mentally prepare myself for a week of it, but I also don't want to waste night after night after night fighting with a child that would be happier with us watching tv.

Also, those of you have older siblings - who goes to bed first? DD is 3 and invariably I try get her down first simply because it's such a long process with DS but that does mean DS is sometimes only starting bed routine at 8pm which pushes everything later?

Lastly - this may sound like a stupid question seeing I've got one child already, but everyone says at X point/when you see tired signs etc "put them to sleep". Um, exactly how am I supposed to do this?!?!
DS goes to sleep when feeding (although anvariably these days that doesn't last anymore and he's up when boob is taken away Or he's put down) or he goes to sleep in the car. The only other way he ever sleeps is when he wears himself out (because he won't go to sleep when he should) roars hysterically for 15 minutes and then collapses in exhaustion.

At the moment he sleeps 12-15 in a 24 hour period. That's normally from about 11-9 overnight (broken by feeds) and either a couple long naps during the day or a bunch of failed 15 minute naps, followed by a series of 20 minute power naps in the evening as we try get him to sleep before he eventually drops for the night at about 11 again. He can be awake for 3 straight hours in the day though which I'm sure isn't right.

I'm determined to tackle his sleeping patterns and get him in to more of a structure in the new year but finding it hard to juggle that around DD and because i cant get him to settle when he should during day anyway. Anyone with tips or suggestions on a day time pattern for a 16wk old would be much appreciated.

TIA

destiny - genuine question (please don't interpret as pedantic/narky) - how are you supposed to get ANYTHING done on that schedule? What if you want to go out with the baby for the day? According to that schedule you're feeding approx every two hours - an awful lot for 3/4 month old I thought?

Hi OP - I too have a 3.5 month old and older DD. It's hard work with 2 isn't it!

We were in exactly the same position as you up to a week ago - very unhappy, overtired baby who wouldn't settle for ages in the evenings. We'd been doing a routine (bath boob bed) and she'd drop off about 645-7 only to wake again 20 mins later, when we'd then take her downstairs again and she'd be miserable. So we decided just over a week ago that we wouldn't bring her down, but try to get her to settle again in her cot. Since then she has been much more settled and has been settling for the night at around 7/7.30. There has been a bit of crying whilst she has woken up but so much less over the course of the night - think 2-3 mins as opposed to hours on end - so it has worked for us. We have done it by staying with her and in contact with her until she drops off. Of course if they are distressed then don't do it, but you will know your baby's different cries so can make a judgement on that!

The SIDS recommendations are that they are in the same room as you at all times, but for our dd she would struggle with that in the evenings, so we have been using a movement monitor and video monitor, and I generally go to bed about 1/2 hour after her anyway.

I hope that's helpful! Good luck - I have found it much less stressful this last week and bedtimes have been much more relaxed for all involved! Good luck!

how are you supposed to get ANYTHING done on that schedule? What if you want to go out with the baby for the day?

I'd counter that with: how do you get ANYTHING done with an overtired baby who wants to be carried around all the time to ease grumpiness?

To answer your question - I manage perfectly well to get stuff done with my four children (12, 10, 7 and 2). Including daily school runs and all the trappings of being a SAHM (like supermarket shops, housework, making family meals).

How? Work backwards from immovable times (like school runs) and got everything else in with good planning.

For example I have to be out the house 8.30 for school run. So I'd time a nap for about to wake at 8.15am so that baby is woken and fed in time for school run. Then baby would be ready for another nap 9.15 - just as we get home so all good. I'd tidy up breakfast stuff while she sleeps. When she woke up - that would usually be out to the shops. Sometimes having feed and sleep while out if there was a big trip out needed. Otherwise home forctge next nap. I could go on but I realise this is dull...

Point is, while baby is tiny you just for stuff in and make changes to accommodate. It's not like it's forever.

Nap/feed schedules will change significantly at 6m with weaning. Then change again about 10m with the swap to longer naps. And change again around 18m when the move to 1-nap days happen.

Why stress that you have to change to accommodate baby's needs when they are tiny? You just do. And you manage and you fit stuff in and around baby's needs. It's not rocket science.

What if you want to go out with the baby for the day?

Feeds and sleeps don't need to be at home!

According to that schedule you're feeding approx every two hours - an awful lot for 3/4 month old I thought?

God no! More feeds during the day means less feeding needed at night. Calorie loading during the day is "A thing" and fairly widely accepted as a way to help reduce night feeds

Caveat: realistic expectations needed. Night feeds are inevitable at this age, you can just do things to reduce how frequent they are.

FATEdestiny - that's a lot to take in, thanks for all the advice, I'm definitely going to spend some time looking in to it to see if it or a version thereof would suit us. You also sound like someone who is far more organised than I am! Although 2017 resolution is to try screw my head on a bit tighter and plan my life a bit better so that not everything is done in a stressful panic!

Riversid3 - sounds like we have similar patterns so I'll definitely give what you've suggested a go. We have tried to stay with him before but invariably end up doing the "sleep for 20 mins, wake, cry, drop off again and repeat" for hours on end which didn't seem like a nice way to spend an evening for anyone. I have noticed he's starting to seem a little easier to settle while we've been away for Christmas though, so he might respond to that a little better when we're home and can try again.

I've no need or desire to set him in to a rigid schedule of any sorts, I just think something flexible with roundabout times for naps and feeds might lead to a better rested, better fed, more contented boy, and will also help me maximise time with my eldest who's feeling the attention pinch at the moment, bless her.