Breast feed to sleep - but won't come off!

[newandclueless123]

In need of concise advice as I am confused by everything I read:

6 month old healthy dd is ebf. From about 1 month I strted to breast feed to get some sleep as she was cluster feeding and it was easy to side lie after c/sec.. now I'm stuck!

Baby only falls asleep on the breast and if you pull away she wakes. She is very alert and struggles to sleep if others are in the room talking or there is ANY noise so naps involve me going to bed too. She will fall asleep in pram on a walk or in car on a long journey and only sometimes in sling.. but only if she is not over tired. I can't always get out for a long walk every day.

I am unable to sleep properly like this now. We are co-sleeping and I get very little sleep. Have back pain and sore eyes from being awake.

Husband has gone to spare room!

Need a way to get her to sleep in crib in my room on her own without feeding. Don't want her to CIO and she hates the dummy.

Please let me know details of any methods you used if you had this problem.. I'm going back to work in 5 months and I'all be on part time shifts so she needs to be able to sleep in crib alone by then!

Here's what I'm doing.

1. White noise- helps me creep out and is becoming a sleep cue for DD (she's 4mo)

2. Pantley pull off (from The No Cry Sleep Solution).
   Basically once sucking stops and moves on to occasional "flutters" I pop a finger in her mouth to break the seal and get her off. Then either move boob very slightly away or lightly press a finger under her chin to keep her mouth closed. Very often she wakes and roots but eventually she stays asleep.
   I then gently place her into cot which I have pushed up beside my bed minus one side. I'll usually have it warmed from my feet while feeding her.
   For a good while she'd resist all stages so I'd stick her back on boob and repeat.
   Now it takes maybe 3-4 boob removals and one failed cot placement and she will then accept cot.
   As the weeks go on I'm gradually getting her to go into cot a little more awake- so now I'll wind her after BF to rouse her a teeny bit before she goes into cot.
   Aim is eventual self-settling but I'm v realistic about this taking quote some time as I hate crying.

It would be easier if she'd take a dummy as that would go in once boob is removed, but no dice for my stubborn little boob monster!

Just my two cents worth but good luck whatever you do!

I should add that, with consistency and some additional rocking and shushing to sleep after BF makes her sleepy, she will now nap in cot for her morning nap while I'm at work but I still have to be the one to do it!

But 5 months is lots of time so don't panic!

Oh thank you RedLemonade.. I feel like 5 months will fly by and then she will defo have to CIO 😓.. will make a concerted effort (after Christmas 😁!)

I have the same problem. I'm back at work now and my 13 month happily drinks milk during the day. At night is a different story. Not only does she do what you explained above, she wakes every 1.5 hours. She doesn't use a dummy or suck her thumb...we didn't introduce her to a dummy. Having said that, I've bought a dummy and I've started introducing it of an evening. I think it's slowly working...I'm being persistent but I'm not putting in her mouth. She's holding and putting in herself.

I feel what you're feeling and my husband is still in the spare room. Her waking is just exhausting so i keep her in my bed (yes, I know, I know....).

If you find anything that works then please let me know. Good luck xx

Yes, to what has already been said;

White noise on when you start feeding. Then attempt to disengage, eventually get free and ninja roll away. Build wall of pillows to prevent from rolling off the bed. Position baby monitor camera so it's looking in the right direction, grab viewing monitor bit. Sneeeeeak out the room. Breathe.

Or at least that's how it goes for me. Mine's just gone 10 months. I do cosleep, so don't transfer him to the cot - that bit I've only ever managed on a couple of rare occasions.

😊 thank you. I giggled picturing myself ninja rolling off the bed.
When I breastfeed her she's fine. It's just the constant waking and not settling back to sleep herself.
I keep telling myself that it won't last forever 🤔
I'll block her in with pillows tonight, thank you x

user1482420029 keep going!..will keep you posted on our efforts!! Thank you BlueKaru.. I think the white noise will help as she sleep happily when the tumble dryer is on - she wakes if it stops though 😥 Very sensitive sleeper!

one thing to update:

Morning nap is now done in sling where she can fall asleep on her own. Third day of this. She fights for 30mins, but then falls asleep. Unfortunately the nap only lasts 45mins at best which is too short for her so she is VERY over tired by the end of the day. This is tiring for me but..

I have noticed that we have longer periods at night where she disengages herself from the breast to lie on her back and she can stay like that for about 30mins to an hour tops. Which is an improvement! So going to persevere with that for a bit - just ordered and ergo sling as I thing my baby Bjorn isn't best on the hips for such long periods.

At 6 months there will generally be 3 naps or 2 if they're long (90 minutes) so do try to get her napping at 10 & 2 or 9,12 & 3.

The pantley pull off is slow but effective. You could maybe try gradual withdrawal which will be faster. Ideally done by the non feeder.

I'd limit night feeds to one max between 11 & 7 - again your dh dealing with all other wakings ideally.

Good luck- do try to break the back of it before they're pulling to stand though as they can protest a lot more when they can stand up and shout about it!

OohNoDooEy - thank you for the wise words. I only mention the nap thing to say that dd can fall asleep off the breast and it seems to be assisting us at night to not constantly attached. I'll tackle sleep timings once she's off!! But you are right - don't want her to have any more super strength than she already does 😲

Update & help still needed!

So dd is now 8.5 months and I am back to work in 3 months time.

She still needs to be breastfed to sleep but she comes off the breast herself and will lie next to me for a period of an hour. If she gets startled in her sleep she wants to go back on the breast immediately to settle.

White noise helps when I try to creep away or if my hubby is at home making noise in the other room.

My issue is she still wont tolerate me leaving her side. If I leave her she wakes up and gets so stressed she wakes herself up! I tried to put her in the cot today after she fell asleep and she woke up. I ended up in the cot with her to settle her (took an hour) and was able to creep out (amazing agility needed) and she slept for 30mins before she woke up!

I am so worried about going back to work in general that this is making it worse! My mum will help with childcare and I just don't want to involve her in the sleep training side of things. Really need it to be sorted before then!

I have read that The Blissful Baby Expert is helpful. Is she worth paying to get help? I don't want to let dd cry as it shatters my soul and she can cry for hours (past traumatic experience) but I feel like I'm running out of time..

Any thoughts?

Hi @newandclueless123 I know this is 2 years ago and your email might have changed, but just wondering how it all panned out in the end?

Feel like I’m reading my life reading your posts (DD 10 months). I’m ok with just carrying on staying in our bed with her every eve (often for an hour before she drops off properly, then I’m back in every 30-40 mins til I come to bed). But I’m interested to hear when it eases. I am currently loving getting 30-40 mins on my own/with OH. So I’m buoyed by that... but wondering if it ever will be the other way round (more evening to myself and less time in bed with her).

Hi @Zenlifeforme

What a surprise to read this after 2 years! I feel for you mamma but it gets much better! For us it got better around 9/10 months.

It was an element of proper sleep training (controlled crying - may not be your bag) and her having her own room and cot and going for drives so she can go to sleep that way in the day. I was keen for her to get used to not nursing all the time.

When I wanted a cheeky nap in the day I didn’t mind letting her nurse herself to sleep. Then I could have a nap myself near by!!

As she got more established with food and I gave her cows milk as part of day time meal/drink. She was satisfied and ended up sleeping for 12 hours straight by 1/1.5 years. We gave her water if she wanted at night.

I use (still) white noise via an app on my iPad but probably not that necessary really.

Even though I work I have ended up breast feeding for 3years. When I went back to work she stayed awake all day unless she was dog tired then fell asleep for a short period. Just fed to sleep.

I probably haven’t reassured you that much but yes it gets better! Absolutely! You won’t have to breast feed for 3 years like me.. I just didn’t really know how to stop if I am honest. Once she was “detached” at night things improved greatly by one year myself and OH we’re back together and able to sleep for a full night. I think some babies are more attached than others!!

Please feel encouraged that this will soon pass! You will get through it. :)

Hi ah haha yes a blast from the past no doubt! Tthanks for sharing and getting back. It is encouraging to read.
Did your LO self wean after 3 years? I may end up bf for that long... as we are being v chilled about when she leaves our bed too....
Sounds like it’s all a distant memory, no doubt will be like they for me too ay 😉 x

Aww well I think being chilled about when they stop breast feeding is best if you are at liberty to do so. Defo helps the sanity. She basically self weaned yes. There were days she asked for the milk - and I gently reminded her we stopped. If anyone told me we would have done it for 3 years I would have laughed my face off!

As for being in our bed.. oh I had to nip that in the bud quick time as I was not able to sleep at all!! 😀 how ever you play it best of luck and enjoy all the snuggles while they last xx