How to encourage sleep between night feeds?

[Shadowboy]

I have a 4 week old. I can't seem to get to fall asleep between the 1am and 6am feed. Basically it pretty much takes 2 night feeds to get her to sleep. She's not colicky just really restless and fussy in the sense that I struggle to get her to just 'relax' and lie calmly to fall asleep.
I have a 2 year old toddler so need some night sleep to be able to deal with her as I can't sleep in the day. After the 6 am feed baby literally flops asleep (but I can't!!) my husband is in London this week so I'm in my own.

A sling doesn't really work as when I stop walking her eyes pop wide open! (Plus circuits if my lounge at 3am is not fun)

Do you cosleep? In all honesty this is what works best for babies that go in and out of sleep cycles and feed cycles quickly at night in my experience. If you are breastfeeding you can just doze and feed lying down so neither of you fully wake up.

It's easy to get them out of the bed again as long as you do it at 6-7months. They are just before that aware stage then and although every time I've been certain it wouldn't work, they went into a cot suddenly and slept better then (as I honestly believe that around 6months the cosleeping starts to work in reverse and you actually start disturbing each other) on their own in a room.

No we don't co sleep as usually I share my bed with my husband (when he's not working away) plus I've just swapped to formula so would still have to get out of bed to make up a bottles etc.

She's fine to put down once asleep -it's the getting to sleep I can't do. She just dozes or just lies staring at me for hours!

It's tough Shadowboy but it will pass quickly. Try to see awake at night time as nice quiet alone time with a beautiful dozing baby. Looking back (mine are 3, 2 and 1 but it honestly feels like an age ago it's so far behind us now) I have some very lovely memories of just me and baby in the quiet night.

I hope it passes... I feel sick I'm so tired. I remember my younger brother didn't sleep for 6 years. Mum nearly gave up her job 3 or 4 times it got so bad! I remember how shattered she was at times. I also remember the first night he slept through (I was 17 and studying for my A levels) the household was so different!

Some kids just don't sleep though do they? I read threads on here and think how do those people survive?!!

You have to remember that most kids DO sleep pretty well in the end. Mine have all turned a corner around 7months.

With this sleeping malarkey all you need is hope. It will get you through many a night. Unfortunately a bad run leads to such despair you think you'll never get to sleep again. I always think about retirement when I start to dispair! It calms me down.

Fingers crossed! Still awake here. I've just tried another feed - not helped!

Does she lie in her cot awake but happy ? Can you sleep while she's there awake!?

I have a nocturnal baby too (12 days). We're cosleeping as this has been the only way she'll sleep (albeit in a sleepyhead pod). I'm finding no pattern to date, which is encouraging in some ways - they're still so very little! To survive I am going to bed at 9pm after cluster feeding - this first stretch is pretty reliable and she's pushing it out till around 1am giving me a block of sleep. 1-4 is less reliable but getting better. 4am often waking time so she goes next to me and we doze together using a dummy if she gets fractious. Up at 7am with older brothers and after b/fast feed she's zonked.
Low lights, cosy sleeping bag (we've a long sleeved merino one I rate), cuddle up and try to hold on to the fact that it won't last! I'm Ina separate room for these early weeks to allow dh sleep and so I don't stress about him waking too.
Good luck - hang on in there...

joinourclub- she's usually ok for 10-20 min on her own but won't fall asleep in there. So far between 1am and now I have managed 22minutes sleep (or at least dozing in bed) not really sustainable.

Oh no - it's very very tough. How about a hire noise toy? I bought a my hummy after reading recommendations on here, and love it. DD (3 weeks) sleeps all night with it on (but she sleeps 95% of the time anyway, so no idea how much t toy is responsible!). Just feeding now and toy is in background with the 'heartbeat' going. Worth a try?

*white noise toy

Oh yes will look one up! Didn't know there was such a machine! (She finally fell asleep at 5am and is still asleep but my toddler is wide awake so I've had to be up)

shadow this is us too. My DS is 3 weeks and he's quite settled through the day and in the evening but between 12 and 5 wakes regularly! 3 yo DD was up at 5 too and DH on night shifts! Yawn!

At 4 weeks old and formula fed you could try:

• Swaddle
• more milk per feed
• less time between one feed and the next
• more frequent daytime feeds (to avoid night feeds - I would do 2 hourly daytime feeds)
• more frequent daytime sleep. Limit awake time to 20-40 minutes.

Oh, and a dummy!

(How could I forget the dummy - most amazing sleep solution that there is!)

Fatedestiny how do you limit the awake time? In the last 24 hours I would say baby only slept 9 maybe 10 hours?

I think you have to realise that they really need sleep almost as soon as they're awake, when they wake by the time you've changed their nappy and they've fed it's usually time to sleep again.

9-10 hours sleep in 24 hours for a 4 week old isn't really enough - under 3 months a baby's "default" is to be snoozing. Are you ensuring baby naps enough in a sling/pram/basket/cot in the day?

This is so, so normal at this age, and the worst of it should pass quite quickly in the grand scheme of things, although I know just how tough it is while you're stuck in the middle of it, I really do! My first was basically nocturnal for the first six weeks of her life - which you can just about cope with when you can nap during the day, but that's not really possible with a toddler. She did settle down once she found her rhythm at about six weeks, and actually became a pretty good sleeper at that point. I believe a lot of it is to do with circadian rhythms.

In the meantime, I second swaddles and white noise (we used the SoundSleeper app on our phones which we played through a speaker). Sleepyheads are good too, though they don't come cheap.

Fatedestiny how do you limit the awake time? In the last 24 hours I would say baby only slept 9 maybe 10 hours?

That's a big problem.

In the newborn phase baby's passive state should be sleeping. Then baby will wake when a need isn't met (usually hunger or comfort) and then once the need is met, back to the passive state of sleeping.

So baby may only be awake for 20-30 minutes at a time. Just enough time to feed, nappy check. An example would be:

◇ Wake
◇ Full feed
◇ Wind
◇ Lie baby between your legs, check if nappy needs changing. A bit of floor time/tummy time (5-10m or so, until grumbling)
◇ Once grumbling starts swaddle and pick up
◇ Offer what's left in the bottle
◇ wind/cuddle
◇ Back to sleep

...Then when baby wakes, repeat the whole lot again. Just keep repeating all day.

A newborn (under 12 weeks) baby needs 16-20h of sleep in 24h

That's what I can't get her to do. I have been trying to get her to sleep since 9.50am when she had her bottle. Her nappy was dry, she'd just had 4 oz I'd swaddled her and given a dummy. She's still awake.... any movement or change in my position or if my toddler (who is just sat in front of Frozen on repeat as I can't get her any attention as baby constantly in my arms being juggled) comes over she wakes.
So over two hours later baby's eyes just pop open like a bush baby if I change anything or tv gets louder or toddler comes over to talk to me.

I've also tried a 90min recording of sounds from within the womb. It didn't work.

Potty training my daughter has had to stop as I can't get her on the potty fast enough....

Whoop whoop!! She's asleep (on me ) but thank goodness!!!!!!!

Hope she gave you a good rest! Well done. I've struggled with a wide awake bush baby too today!

Bouncy chairs are fantastic when you have a baby and a toddler. It means you can sit on the floor and with one arm bounce bounce bounce bounce dummy reinsert reindeer and bounce some more - just keep going. Then your other arm and the rest of if you is free to interact with the toddlers.

You don't need anything expensive. Just a standard z-frame bouncer with either a removable play arch (and keep it removed) or no arch. I favour Fisher Price.

Thanks Fatedestiny! She's still asleep 3.5hours later- she obviously needed this sleep.