Ditching the dummy at 3/4 months

[Hedgeh0g]

So, ds1 got horribly addicted to the dummy and we had to go cold turkey at 6 months when he was waking every hour or so looking for it and I was losing my mind from sleep deprivation.

I didn't want to give ds2, currently 3 months, one, but he had bad wind and couldn't comfort suckle (I'm breastfeeding) as my milk was too forceful, so I did what I felt I had to. Now it looks like we're going the same way as ds1, waking every hour or so, despite my best efforts at taking the bloody thing out once he's asleep, only using it for sleep when I have to etc etc.

So, everything I've read suggests that to avoid it becoming a bad sleep prop you should take it away at around 3/4 months, also that it's easier to do it then before object permanence kicks in. Supposedly, they hardly miss it (hmmm).

But my question is, if you take the dummy away at this age, how are you supposed to get them to sleep instead? Putting him down awake is going to involve crying, and I don't believe in controlled crying before 6 months - surely they have to have a viable way of soothing themselves? He likes to suck his fist, but hasn't found fingers or thumb, and in any case we're still swaddling as otherwise he looks like he's at a rave every time he stirs.

I don't see the point in taking away the dummy if he's going to wake for boob instead (which he prefers anyway, now my milk has calmed down and he doesn't get flooded each time), or we're going to have to rock him to sleep or something. Do I just need to suck it up and drink lots of coffee for the next couple of months?

You're likely to hit the sleep regression at four months. Don't take it away now unless you want to make life even harder for yourself.

I know opinions differ on dummies but they have been lifesavers for me with both DCs. DD had one until she was 3.5 and is now a happy & healthy six year old; it did no harm whatsoever. I did have get up and plug it in a few times a night but it was a small price to pay.

Which brand of dummy are you using? I swear by MAM. The teat is a good shape for staying in place once they're asleep.

Thanks for the reply. See, the thing is, getting up a few times a night to replug being not that big a deal wasn't my experience. With ds1 there was no predictability as to when I'd have to - it could be 20 mins after he went to sleep or 3 hours. It got to the point where I couldn't sleep at all because I was expecting to be woken up any second, and it nearly tipped me over the edge. It's good to hear your experience though - maybe I need to stop fearing the worst and just hope that ds2 isn't quite the dummy addict ds1 was.

It is a really tough one. Rock and a hard place. I do feel your pain.

But I kept reminding myself that at least I had something which would get them back to sleep; easier than rocking / shhhhing / patting and all that stuff.

It will pass

Yeah, that's my thought (although for 2 sodding hours at 2 in the morning last night it didn't seem to be doing the job at all!) I'm hoping that he finds his thumb of his own accord once he gains control of his arms a bit more and we can stop swaddling. That's what happened when we took his brother's dummy away.

I had to go cold turkey with the dummy as like you describe it was causing way more problems than it solved. She did cry the first couple of nights, I didn't leave her just sat with her and stroked her head until she went to sleep. It means she can get a better nights sleep too as she's not crying every time the dummy falls out, and she's much happier well rested.

Mimi when did you do that? That's what we did at 6 months, and we'll do it again if we have to. But I wasn't sure of the wisdom/point of doing it before then (ds1 slept better once he could sleep on his front and once he could find his thumb).

At his age I wouldn't take the dummy away if it helps and soothes. He's very young to be worrying about it. I know there is a dummy stigma for some people but why cause yourself so much stress and sleepless nights if you don't have to?
Dummy was a saviour with DS1 who is now 2 and still uses it at night time. We would have got rid sooner but when he was teething it was the only thing that helped him sleep so we carried on. He's starting to see that it's a baby thing now so I reckon will just give it up himself in the months to come. DD1 due February and I won't hesitate to do the same with giving a dummy

Heather as I've said, the reason I don't like them is that they caused a hell of a lot of problems with my first son! I don't have a problem with them per se, or I wouldn't have given ds2 one, but I do have a problem with getting no sleep because I have to wake up and put the damn thing back in many many times a night.

But it's a valid point that just because that's what happened with ds1 that it will be the same this time.

It sounds like you had unrealistic expectations with your first son. Babies don't have the physical dexterity to pick up their own dummy and put it on their mouth until about 7/8/9 months old. Ubtil Until then they need you to do it.

Dummy helps with going to sleep.

It has zero effect on if a baby will be a light sleeper and wake often or not. A light sleeper will wake frequently and need some comfort to get back to sleep, what that comfort is is up to you.

Dummies are so popular for good reason - the simplest and easiest way to sooth and comfort a baby back to sleep. If yoy fancy doing something else then knock yourself out. Seems like cutting your nose off to spite your face to me. It won't solve light sleeping.

Better to train your child to sleep deeply. Good quality sleep comes from having lots of sleep and going to sleep easily and quickly.

A deep sleeping baby will use a dummy for the 5 or 10 mins it takes to get to sleep (because that's all a dummy does). Then the jaw muscles relax, dummy falls out of mouth and baby sleeps until their next need wakes them up (usually hungar)

I can't understand your stress about a dummy. Help your baby be a deep sleeper by ensuring he is fed often and has lots and lots of very frequent long as possible naps, with little awake time between.

We did it at about 3 months. I don't care about the stigma around a dummy and I wouldn't have been fussed about using one if it made my life easier but it didn't. It doesn't matter if they're a light sleeper or a deep sleeper, they will want the dummy back in order to go back to sleep whenever they wake even briefly between sleep cycles and will cry if it's not there. Now she doesn't have the dummy at all, she will not cry for it when she wakes and will go back to sleep easily by herself ie. Not waking me up crying for the dummy. I completely understand your predicament op. I would personally have thought it will be easier to take it away now when he is less dependent on it than to wait. You may have a difficult couple of nights but for me that is all it was.

She also found her fingers to suck quite quickly after that.

hedgeh0g I went through the same with DS1 having to get up frequently to put the dummy in his mouth which yes, was a pain, but it was short lived looking back and eventually he slept longer and then could obviously put it in himself.
It worked great as a sleep prop for me, the minute he had his dummy and sheep he knew it was sleep time and this was through the day too so we got into a nice routine (despite the night waking). He slept through at 7 months and still does.

I disagree with the above.
Dd 10 months has a dummy . She uses it for ten minutes. Falls out and sleeps through 12-13 hours. Very occasionally I will need to replace it ( maybe once every other night ) but I'd rather that then be up rocking etc
Keep at it op I say,
It could be the 4th month regression .
Or over tired

I wouldn't take it away at this age as isn't current SIDS advice that if a baby has a dummy, they should have it for all sleeps up to 6 months? 3-4 months is peak SIDS risk age and a dummy reduces the risk.

Get a sleepytot. Best invention ever. They can find the soother themselves from around 5-6 months. There is still a month-ish of them waking for it that you have to deal with and yes it's hell, but I think it's worth it. Presume he's still in your room?

Soothers are so comforting I think and such a good sleep cue. All of mine had them til age two and no probs getting rid of them. Was so grateful for them when they were sick. We keep them in the cot to restrict it to sleep.

Thanks all. Tried the sleepytot last time, didn't work. Probably would have done if I'd stuck at it I guess, but taking the dummy away worked for us - ds1 has slept like a dream since.

It sounds like different babies react differently to the dummy. Ds2 so far doesn't seem to need it to sleep as much as ds1. He's definitely not overtired. Getting 3 good naps a day, sometimes needs the dummy to get past 45 mins, sometimes not.

FATE, I don't want to do something else, that's the point of my post! And I didn't have unrealistic expectations, I don't think. I was happy for multiple night wakings, he's a baby, that's what they do. But I'm sorry, it's a special kind of torture when that is sometimes 25 mins after he's gone to sleep, but not always. Like I said, it got to the point where I couldn't sleep at all, waiting for him to wake up. He also napped well, had a good bedtime routine, white noise, dark room, swaddle.....would love to hear what else I could have done to make him a deep sleeper, as I'll do it this time!

I'll stick with it for now, and hope that ds2 sleeps a bit better.

Ok, whatever you think.

I suspect your baby will need comfort of some form to get to sleep. Trying to avoid that rod for your own back is often the very thing that leads to the rod for your own back.

The best sleep training you can give is teaching baby to sleep as often as possible, as much as possible and to go to sleep as easily as possible. Making sleep difficult for baby is not conducive to this.

My vote goes for making sleep as easy and successful as ypu possibly can. Dummy is the #1 tool for that.

Good luck whatever you do.

He may not end up waking every hour for it? My ds is 9 months and it often falls out after he goes to sleep but he doesn't wake - and if he does he just puts it back in himself if he wants it.

We took ours away gradually around from 3-4 months by letting DS have it initially then taking it out of his mouth just as he was falling asleep. We took it away gradually earlier and earlier until one day he just fell asleep without it. The whole process took around 5 weeks I think.

He now sucks his grobag to fall asleep.