Will 2 yo ever NOT cry himself to sleep??

[Popskipiekin]

DS1 is 2.2. We have a lovely bedtime routine of bath, milk, teeth, 3 stories and into bed, by latest 7.30pm (we often don't get home with him until 6.30). He knows that we say goodnight once he's in his cot and I often get a very cheerful "night night" from him. But as I turn to go he clings to me, tries to prevent me closing the door etc. I gently disentangle myself, tell him night night again and close the door. He's just standing in his cot as he won't lie down, and he cries as soon as the door closes. Not for that long but it breaks my heart every time. He then sleeps very well till morning, unless he's ill.
What age did your preschool DC stop crying when you said goodnight? Should I expect tears as standard until he's 3/4/5...later?? Thanks!

Can you switch your routine so you stay in the room with him maybe quietly tidying up until he nods off. He'll think it's exciting for the first couple of nights and after that be in a new routine.

One thing I found was useful was the tell them how it was going to be. This works from about 18mts onwards because they understand A LOT more than we often give them credit for. Tell them a few times in the day and then again putting them down. If they kick up and force you back in I'd say it again and quite firmly. They get the body language as well as the verbal explanation and the boundary is clearer.

Hello all, I really do appreciate hearing from all sides, it's so helpful as otherwise you're stuck in this bubble without knowing what is within the realm of "usual". Also very grateful for input from those who have had more than one DC and see the same thing doesn't work for all. Iknow that's very interesting - if unfortunate, poor boy - about your teen. I actually can't drift off without listening to an audiobook/podcast - and my mum actually used to play me cassette tapes to help me sleep when I was younger: it's become such a crutch I can't get rid of it! (Separate thread )
Sodding yup it's good to hear that from someone else, it does suck being stuck in the room - I feel the night getting away from me, supper getting later, time with DH disappearing etc. But I will try to remind myself, as all pps are saying, that he really is so tiny still and for better or worse these days won't last forever. I want to make him confident and independent but still know that we are there should he need us - tricky balance to strike. For the next week/fortnight we are going to practice some form of Gradual Withdrawal, whatever works for us, and I really hope to start worrying less about bedtime soon.

You sound like a lovely mum.
It won't be forever that he needs you, although I know exactly what you mean about feeling you're evening slipping away! You'll be glad when you look back though and know you were always there for him.
I've found that they tend to go through phases, particularly with sleep-I found with mine they had phases that they were happy to go to sleep by themselves and other times they needed me there. Just when you think you've finally cracked it they go and change!
I wish I had gone with my instincts more with my first rather than trying everything to get her to fall asleep by herself as that's what I thought I 'should' be doing. I spent so long obsessing about her sleep and what I could do to teach her to fall asleep on her own, etc. Looking back, her sleep was fine, it was me overthinking it that was the problem! With my next 2, I just did whatever was needed at that particular time (still had set bedtime and routine-bath,etc) and it was so much better when I was not worrying over their sleep.

Just wanted to post an update and thank people who gave advice/support. We now don't have any crying at all!! Usual bedtime routine, then into sleeping bag and bed. I sit by his bed and give lots and lots of cuddles, but this is only for a couple of minutes. I say "last one?" He agrees "last one!" So we have an extra big cuddle and he says bye bye and practically pushes me out of the room . I close the door and he sings/chats to his toys a bit and then - total peace. I'm sure he'll do something different in a month or two but for now - very happy mother.

Why do you need to shut the door completely? Are you demonstrative with your 2 year old? Do they have a night light? Are you generally attentive to their emotional needs? Why would you let your child cry themselves to sleep? Also 3 bedtime stories seems a bit much

Oh, glad to read your DS is getting extra affection at bedtimes

Great update Popskipiekin. The kind way gets my vote every single time

SoftSheen not all children can be cuddled to sleep. Mine never could even as a tiny baby

Neither could mine.

Glad you managed to sort it OP

So lovely to have an update! Really pleased for you Popskipiekin Can I ask how did you get to the leaving the room bit? Was it staying in til he was asleep or something else?

Clotho DS isn't asleep when I leave. After posting, I did try to stay with him until he slept, rubbing his back, holding his hand etc, and then just sitting there, but I knew really that he does fall asleep much better by himself. And every time I got up to leave, thinking he was asleep, he magically woke up and was distraught. I do prefer not trying to sneak out, I think that's fairer/kinder for him and falling asleep by himself helps him if he should wake up in the middle of the night.

What is (currently!) working for us emerged organically from me asking him for a big cuddle before saying goodnight (NB I always cuddled him before leaving but I don't think I ever vocalised what I was doing before - and he has been slow to talk so hasn't been able to respond much until recently) and he then said "more cuddles" so we had more cuddles :) Now and again I asked, "shall we say goodnight DS?" He would reply "more cuddles" and then finally he did say "bye bye mama". So off I went. And we've done that - or a variation - for the past 10 days or so. DH needs to try it with him as currently he's a bit mama-needy.

Thanks fate and dame. It's nice how nice it is now