(Not) surviving on 1hr sleep a night - HELP!

[Beachmum85]

DS is 1wk old and just doesn't sleep at night (unless on my chest). We have tried everything we can think of to get him down (warming the crib/ etc) but he wakes after a few mins demanding more boob (which are now so sore). I've been feeding him pretty much constantly since 4pm yesterday (that's 12hrs!) and I am beyond exhausted. Since he was born I have had one or two hours a night and I'm just broken.

We've tried co-sleeping but it hurts to lie on my side (due to CS) and I'm so worried about DS sleeping on his side.

Please somebody HELP ME!

Good luck

My DH is also awful at waking up - have to shake him and even then he is like a walking zombie - really frustrating as I am an incredibly light sleeper - but yes last time after EMCS I did wake DH to pick up the baby, nappy changes and settling else it is impossible

Do you change nappy after each feed or just poos? I would be tempted to leave changes overnight unless you really have to

My DS is also a week old and also cluster feeding (only at night though). Last night he fed from 1am-5am. At 6am my 3 year old came into the room and declared it breakfast time. I'm so exhausted this morning.
I don't have any tips for you. I'm reading for tips myself but I do have lots of sympathy. It does get better. In the meantime lots of

Your baby can't only be sleeping for one hour a day though, it doesn't matter when you sleep, so just sleep during the day.

I would def tell your Dh he needs to help. If you feed at 10pm, and baby fed by 10.30pm, then hand baby over and Dh shouldn't disturb you at least until midnight (90mins after last feed). So he can burp and try to settle baby to sleep in bedroom, or get up and walk around house a bit with him whilst he settles. At next feed swap over. That way you both are getting 90min-2hr intervals to sleep on rotation whilst baby is so new. A few more days and milk will establish, baby gradually feed faster and start sleeping a few hours at a time at least.

Also a bit perplexed by people who say continuous feeding at one week old 'isn't normal'. Yes it is, and it's probably one of the main reasons women give up breastfeeding, as PPs on this thread have done. Also - please don't medicalise a perfectly normal baby behaviour as reflux. It might, or it might not be, but at a week old, continuous feeding and not wanting to be put down is within the normal spectrum of what to expect. Not all babies do it, but many do. Both of mine certainly did and they were cleared of all reflux and intolerances.

OP - I had c-sections with both of mine. To co-sleep I 1) evicted DH from the bed 2) cleared the bed of all pillows and duvets and put a blanket tightly over the bed 3) I went under the blanket, my babies went on top in their own sleeping bags 4) We'd roll to face each other while feeding, but as they started to conk out on the boob, I'd gently manoeuvre myself so that they rolled onto their backs 5) Once they dropped off, I'd ease myself very gently down beside them, either on my back or side-lying facing them. I'd usually sleep with my face up against theirs because they smelled lovely and I could hear and feel them breathing and it gave them the maternal contact they needed to stay asleep.

With DS2 I'd start the night with swaddle and dummy in his own co-sleeper cot, but as this became less effective, I'd adopt the above arrangement. I kept nappies and wipes next to the bed, only changing a nappy for a poo - I just did it in the bed next to me and chucked he used nappies into a corner of the room and took them to the bin in the morning. I really didn't see the point in waking DH to do nappy changes. One well-slept parent who is better equipped to help out during the day and hold the baby so you can sleep is better than none.

Oh OP I could have written your post, except my son is now 5 weeks old and nothing has changed.

He will sleep in his sleepyhead quite happily during the day but if i try to put him in it at night he screams. Same with his side sleeper crib. So he sleeps in with me. And I'm terrified.

This morning I was woken at 5:30am by DS snorting and grunting and struggling to breathe- my duvet, which I am always so careful about, had come out of the cover a little, and the bit of un-filled cover was draped over my son's face. He's absolutely fine but I think that's my nightmares sorted for the rest of my life.

I need to try to persuade him to sleep in his sleepyhead at the very least. He hates being swaddled and doesn't care for his sleeping bag. He'll sleep happily for hours on top of me or his father, but just will not sleep alone. And now I'm so exhausted that I'm starting to make mistakes.

-OP, I have no good advice. But if anyone has any for me (including on how to forgive myself for this morning), I'm all ears...

Squtter See my post above for safer co-sleeping ideas. No duvets, but I think you know that now! Even sleeping on top of them can cause over-heating. Get some good old-fashioned blankets and pull them tightly over the bed, or wrap yourself in them like a sausage roll over your lower half, and wear a long-sleeved button-front pyjama top, or zip-front fleece onsie.

perplexed by people who say continuous feeding at one week old 'isn't normal'. Yes it is, and it's probably one of the main reasons women give up breastfeeding

It definitely is one of the main reasons, which leaves me perplexed at all the posters just saying "it'll pass" - not very helpful. How can you survive on an hour's sleep for days on end? Of course you can't. So the encouragement intended to help bf actually backfires and bf is given up.

You've quoted me there scrumptious but I never said 'it'll pass'. I made suggestions based on what I did to get through this phase (which is pretty much how women have got through this phase of breastfeeding for millennia, well before the very modern idea that babies should sleep in cots, not in contact with their mothers and off the breast...)

The fact that the OP says that the baby will sleep, but only on her, is the main indicator of normal baby behaviour, rather than a medical problem. Also, without the advantage of a camera on the OP, we don't actually know if she means 12 hours continuously, or if she's been stuck in the newborn/new-mum cycle of boob, cot, instant wake, repeat, which, at the time feels like continuous feeding, but is just a baby that doesn't want to be put down and needs the added security of the breast.

Everyone kept telling me it was normal, but my baby turned out to have a missed tongue tie. PP's are trying to give all possible options. If tt had been known, I could have carried on bf and could have been a lot happier in those early months

Off to have DS checked for tongue tie as he is still feeding constantly and very rarely going down for a sleep, even in the day. He doesn't even seem to be overly happy on my chest anymore . Just feel this isn't 'normal' as even though cluster feeding and growth spurts are possible, I find it hard to believe they go on 24/7 and baby just isn't sleeping and neither am I. I'm sure it's a form of torture.

Yes, he had tt so midwife did the snip there and then. Here's hoping things improve, starting with sleeeeeeeeep... pleeeeeease

Well done for getting it checked out, and also getting it snipped. Nhs refused to do ours because it was posterior and we had it done privately, but weeks after we'd made the decision to move to formula.

I'm sure things will improve now, wishing you the best of luck xx

Mine is 4 days old today and she is doing similar things, but she will go down once she is full and changed. I am feeding, feeding, feeding until she is nice and full, winding her and then cuddling skin-to-skin until she falls asleep, then swaddling in a warm blanket and trying the crib. If she cries I take her straight out and repeat. Last night this lasted about 3 hours and then she slept for 2, then woke for another hour then slept for 2. We are just learning and she has gone through such a big change - I think this is normal.

Arghhh DS has been feeding constantly (and I mean constantly! Max 30mins between feeds) since 6am (it's now 6pm!).

Yesterday I thought we'd turned a corner having had TT snipped, but today I'm back to total despair! When will I (& he) ever sleep?!

Maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact that I will sleep max 4hrs in 24hrs and forget trying to get more sleep... !

He may just be catching up. With tongue tie, his feeding would have been really inefficient, so he would have been trying really hard but only getting a little milk in return. It may take him a couple of days to settle down and realise that he doesn't need to try so hard now to get a decent amount. Give it another day or so, and maybe call the HV on Monday and see if they can offer any advice?

I don't know your opinion on formula, but you're really not failing/giving in/losing/harming your baby if you do make the decision to move onto it from breastfeeding. I know that there are huge benefits to breastfeeding, but it shouldn't make you miserable and be the only thing you do for 20 out of 24 hours in a day, every single day. The breastfeeding counsellors who recognised my son's tongue tie told me that, and I would like to think that they know what they're talking about!

I know Leicfox but I would be so gutted to end BF. I had a horrible time BFing my DD1 and had a huge abscess and months of misery. This time, I have pain-free nursing and it feels like such an achievement, I would really hate to have to give up because of a lack of sleep.

I think you're right about him catching up, but when is my turn to catch up?!?

It probably feels like an eternity away now, but my baby was sleeping 6 hour stretches by 8 weeks, even some 10 hour stretches by 12 weeks, and I never believed that we would get there. It's all gone to pot now at 8 months, but there were a few glorious months of lovely, largely uninterrupted sleep. You'll get there, keep hanging in there. Take each day at a time, and consider any incremental improvement as a victory. If nothing else, it taught me that I can function on very little sleep if I really need to

How's it going today op?

Your at the hardest bit.

Not a great night Scrumptious. Got about 3hrs in total. We tried co-sleeping, but I find it really uncomfortable because I am still recovering from (infected) CS.

DS has been asleep now for about half an hour and I daren't move! Yesterday he just fed solidly all day, most of the night and all this morning until now. It's absolutely breaking me, and poor DC1 has lost her mummy!

Beachmum I am struggling so much right now with the same issue. I know it doesn't help much but you are not alone.
My DS slept for 2.5 hours last night before DS1 came bounding into our bedroom demanding breakfast and attention. All night he was either feeding constantly or sleeping on my chest. I can't cosleep either. Today we are doing a 5 hour trek to stay with family over Christmas. I feel like a zombie. Sat in the back of the car between both children trying to stop DS1 many attempts to break out of his car seat. It's so hard so and for us both I think!

Oh dear, that sounds exhausting. Have you thought about expressing and giving a bottle, or giving a bottle of formula just for one feed so that you can get a bit of a break?

Still haven't gone to sleep yet tonight #justsaying