First night of sleep training 14 month old. Moral support and advice needed please!

[whatdoiso]

Phew! I've just (I think) got through the first evening of sleep training with my DS. I feel like a cruel and heartless mother and I'm worried he'll wake up hating me

He sleeps in a cot in his own room. He usually goes to bed ok, but until tonight that's because I still cuddle him to sleep after milk and a story in the armchair in his room, then transfer him to his cot asleep.

The problem has been that he still wakes 3 or more times most nights and needs cuddling back to sleep, sometimes it can take an hour or more. This has become untenable. DH and I both work and we're broken with the lack of sleep. It's making me a grumpy and resentful mummy in the day time.

So, tonight I decided I'd try to read him a story then lay him in his cot awake and read him the rest. He's usually pretty drowsy so I stupidly thought he might just drop off. No!

He went a bit crazy at first, flipping around like a fish and giggling . I finally managed to soothe him and lay him down quietly. After a few minutes of rubbing his back I left the room and he started to cry. I left him a minute (just long enough to have a wee in the bathroom next door!) then went back in, laid him down, told him I love him and rubbed his back again until he was quiet and relaxed. I did this a total of five times over 40 mins. By the end he laid himself down as soon as I went back in. Finally I sat by his cot while he lay with his back to me drifting off and I left when his breathing got heavy. That was 20 mins ago and so far he seems settled.

Is this ok??? As soon as I tried to get him to sleep without picking him up and cuddling him I realised I had to stick to it otherwise I'd just make things worse. I've been reading up a lot about sleep training but hadn't really decided tonight would be the night. So I've not followed any method by the book and just done what felt best.

He was pretty unhappy but not hysterical. I feel so guilty. He's a very active and capable little boy. Being tired in the day is bad for him too. We'll all be better off in the long run, right? Aside from the lifelong psychological trauma I've caused by making him think I don't love him, obv.

Ps please be kind, this has been a long time coming and is a last resort. Before he was born I was sure I'd be the breastfeeding co-sleeping earth mother of the year, but that's just not how things turned out.

Thanks for reading this far!

Crikey that was epic! Sorry.

Hi. No advice but can hand hold we have just started doing this today with our dd. She is 16 months and like you is cuddled and fed milk to sleep on one of us. She also wakes several times through night and we are so exhausted by it all we have to try and get it sorted. I am as we speak sat in our room and she is in her room I think asleep, we have decided to take her up later to ensure she is proper tired. She's been there 30 mins I think and not heard a peek. Obv first night and early yet she could still have us up a million times!
Sending you luck for tonight! We pray for a night she sleeps through because we can count on one hand the amount of times she's slept through :-/ xx

You've got to do what you've got to do.

Just wanted to say that as I'm afraid I can't be much help.

We have recently become the owners of a large futon. So that me, Dh, dd3 and ds10 months can all sleep together comfortably

Thanks both, appreciate the responses.

Notts I'm up for some hand holding. Fingers crossed your night goes well. Our DS slept from 11 til 6 the night before last. It's the most sleep any of us have had in one stretch for over a year! DH and I felt stupidly amazing, it made us realise just how much we've been suffering with lack of sleep until now. All the other struggles, tiffs and dramas of family life seem so much more manageable when you're not shattered!

Pick I'm glad you found such a practical solution. What a cozy snuggly bunch! I love the idea of bed sharing but DH hates it. As it turns out, from the moment DS could grin and wriggle he has thought being in our bed the most hilarious thing ever and goes nuts! No sleep for anyone.

whatdoiso oh it definitely isn't a solution for everyone. I must admit I didn't intend for it to end up this way, but we just get so much more sleep it was a no brainer.

My dm says I was a bugger to get to sleep and it was a nightmare sleep training me.

So if it's any consolation I don't remember any of it, I'm a decent human being and I still love my mum to bits (so hopefully that will help you shut out those guilty feelings baby will be much happier with a well rested Mum, whichever way you have to do it)

You're doing really well. Once your DS learns to settle himself to sleep he'll go to bed happy and relaxed (most nights!) with no tears or drama. It may not happen immediately, but he'll get there with your comfort and support. It was a difficult process at first for me and DD, but necessary.

Panicky thank you

I was a nightmare sleeper too. In fact most of the traits I struggle with most in DS seem to come from me! My mum's no longer here but she'd be laughing herself silly at the Devine justice of it!

I think you're doing really well.
We trained ours at 2 and tbh shouldn't have left it that long. It was miserable, he was hysterical and the third night was actually the worst, but after that he improved and from the fifth night he settled himself and finally started sleeping through the night consistently.
Keep at it you won't regret it. It may get harder before it gets easier so be prepared for that.

I found this was a great age to do some gentle sleep training. Do you have any sort of bed in his room? Or an extra duvet? I found it useful if they woke to comfort them while they were still in the cot. So I lay on the floor beside the cot and stroked their back or head until calm and then stopped. If they started crying again, restarted, looking to gradually decrease the interaction. DONT get suckered into holding their hand - we had months of lying on the fooor trying to release our finger 🙄

Eventually we could move to a quick pat and walking out again and now baby 3 mostly sleeps through and goes to sleep on his own. Obviously there are still teeth and illness and bad days but it's about 5 million % better.

How did you get on? Shit night again here for us. Woke up several times in the end dp took her downstairs because I have a really important meeting today and need to be on the ball.
I guess it's asking to much to think that one night would change anything lol!

Will persevere though. At least she went off to sleep at bedtime without cuddling so that's a step in the right direction.

Hope you had a better night xx

All braced for night 2?

Ah Notts, sorry to here your night was rough. I hate those nights when the night seems endless and there's nothing for it but to take them downstairs so at least one of you doesn't crack up. Wishing for a better night for you tonight.

Ours wasn't too bad I guess. He woke up twice, once at 11 for 10 mins and again at three for an hour and half! Then wide awake at 5.30 like clockwork. I did manage to stick to not getting him out of his cot at all though, so I guess I can count that as a success.

Night two now and I thought i'd get a head start as last night took so long, so bedtime at 7 on the dot. Milk and story in the darkened bedroom and then into his cot, eyes rolling with tiredness but still with it. I've been in twice so far but have been out for a whole 5 mins without a groan. I've even heard him cough but he didn't out afterwards as usual! It can't be this simple. I am highly suspicious. Odds on he'll yell for me just after Masterchef starts because I'm a loser and master chef is one of my greatest pleasures in life.

Fingers, toes and eyeballs crossed for everyone! Thanks for all the support, it really, really helped. Mnet can be savage but it's made the last 24 hours a whole lot less daunting.

Four nights determined assertive ignoring does the trick. Into bed, leave alone until morning after nice cuddly bedtime routine. They will scream and try every trick in book first night - water, wee, I feel sick, snot pouring down face etc. Ignore or get a babysitter who will ignore. Day two may still be a couple of hours. Day three a few murmurs then day four - blissful sleep,
Sounds harsh but works and child ends up a better sleeper all through life.

I guess there's a time and place for that, but we 're talking babies here: my son is to little to tell me what's wrong so wouldn't feel comfortable just letting him cry and cry, for fear I'd miss something serious if nothing else.

Hopefully it won't come to that anyway. Tonight has gone eerily well. I'm sure we'll get brought up short at some point. If there's one thing I've learned about parenting it's that as soon as you think you've nailed it they throw something else at you!

I used sleep training for my eldest four at nine months - all were really good at sleeping anywhere then. Certainly easier to share hotel rooms etc with. Oldest two are still worst sleepers(at 24) so I wished I'd done tough love earlier. There is no reason to think there may be something wrong if they are healthy at outset, you can hear them through baby alarm, their cot meets British standards.

He's doing amazing! Settling himself on 2nd night, well done! Keep preserving and good luck for the night ahead

Well done OP, I think swift progress can be made if you do the right thing for your baby, at the right time. Ds is 16 months now and had literally never fallen asleep independently until I started gradual withdrawal. I have done it very very gradually bit it means bedtime is routine and stress free. I am moving it onto naps now, not with quite such success but also less consistency. It has helped self settling in the night too, and he has even slept through a few times! Just need to cracking the early wake ups.

Naps is a whole other matter! I brought DS home today when he'd fallen asleep in the car and I thought 'shit, do I have to maintain this hard line for naps too? Bummer. There goes my peaceful 11am coffee!'.

Seriously, do you guys apply the same sleep training rules at nap time, all at the same time?

He's not stirred since 7pm btw. Feeling a mix of vitriol and trepidation!

You are doing a good thing for him ita hard but only takes a few nights and I much worse the older they are imo when they know the can get out of bed and come look for you its so much harder. It will be so good for you all to sleep all night I waited until ds was 2 to fully sleep train him I wish I dont it earlier ds2 will be getting sleep trained at 6 months for all our sakes.

Lol no, definitely not! I take the easy route/path of least resistance and have walked him.in the pram for most naps for about, oh a year. I don't do 'leaving to cry' at all. Hence our very gradual withdrawal technique. But you know what, it hasn't been stressful for either of us.

It was nice to have a cot nap today though. Even if I did just lay on the bed.

I havent done it for night waking either, he comes into bed. I've stopped bf back to sleep but still Co sleep after wake up. The waking are much less though, once usually, none or twice occasionally.

I hope you had a better night, she had what we call a good night last night put her down at 8.30 dog tired with her milk and I left her in bed and went downstairs and not a peep so that seems to be working, then she woke at 2.30 had a little drink of water and a cuddle and was off to sleep in half hour until 5.45am where I made her milk and brought her in bed with us and we all fell back to sleep until alarm went off at 7.30 to get the older one up ready for school. I shouldn't have took her out of the cot in the night but we both have work today so needed to just sleep to be honest. Very pleased we can now put her to sleep on her own at night time and nap time that's a fantastic improvement!

Hope you had a better night for night 2 xx

To give a bit of hometown you all. I managed to get divertimento awhile hour later last night, he naps badly so is usually asleep by 6.30pm. Last night it was 7.30 pm and he slept through til 6am!!! He is often awake before 5 with a wake up in between so thus was grand.

Clearly I was tired typing that.......ds had slept through the last four nights. He wakes really early 4.30, 5.55, 4.30 and 4.45 today. We get an extra 30-45 minutes by bf in bed. But no night time wake ups with a bed time of between 6.30+7.430

Hi Nottalotta better night here also, heard her whinge a couple of times but she must of not woke up because I fell back to sleep! She woke properly at 5.30am got in with us had some milk and went back off until 8am! Even slept through us all getting up for work! She is still going off to sleep by herself at night as well so hoping it's all going to stay well like this but early days yet still!

So pleased to read things are going well. DS has gone down on his own first time the last three nights and has slept through for the last two for the FIRST TIME EVER! He woke up at 5.30/ the first few nights but slept straight through until 7 this morning! DH and I don't know what to do with ourselves!

There's so much horror talk about sleep training ATM. If I'd know it would be this easy and effective I'd have done it months ago.

Whatdoiso so glad you've had some good nights! Long may it continue! we had a rubbish night last night however a trip to the doctors to renew her reflux medication and dr has said it needs upping now for her weight and that could be contributing to her poor sleep lately! (She's been over the weight for her dose for about 3 months!)
Really hoping this may help the final push in getting her through the night! Really glad we've tried the sleep training though as it's made a massive difference at bedtime, it's so nice to just take her to bed and come back downstairs without having to cuddle to sleep although I am already missing that special cuddle time which was just our time still worth it though as its better for her in the long run x