At our wits end :-(

[Nottsangel2015]

Our dd is 16 months (13 corrected due to prematurity)
She has never been a good sleeper having suffered from reflux and colic, obviously the colic phase passed but she does still have reflux which is treated with gaviscon. (Apparently not sever enough to warrant anything more)
She is restless and fidgets all night, we can get up to her 2 or 3 times a night and some nights she stays awake for hours (last night 11.30 until 1am the night before 2am -5am, she often cries in her sleep ( the mardy whinging cry not a screaming in pain cry) when we get up to her the only way she settles is back on us with a bottle (water or milk if 4am onwards.
However many times she wakes up in the. Isn't she always seems to wake at 5am have some milk and go back down until 8am.
She does stil fall asleep on me with a bottle at night so I know this needs to stop and currently she falls asleep on us for nap time in the day (currently only has 1 nap around late morning but will on us sleep for around 1-2 hours.
Bedtime is upstairs 7-7.30 depending if having a bath or not (she has eczema so doesn't bathe every night) then pyjamas and a quick play with her sisters upstairs and then to her room with light off and on me for cuddle and milk and obv then she falls asleep like this.
Please can anyone advise if anything needs to change in our routine, obviously not the falling asleep on us as we are tackling that as we speak (she's currently in her cot moaning herself to sleep and I'm listening from our room)
Should she only have 1 nap a day or would it be better to have 2 shorter naps?
Does the bedtime sound ok or should it be earlier? Sometimes due to my work we don't always eat until 6pm so would be quite difficult to get her down earlier every night.
Also regarding the morning does waking at 5-5.30am should we be putting her back to sleep or should we be getting up then and having a nap later?
Sorry it's so long but thought I should lay it all out for you to see our whole routine, probably should also say she is fully weaned on 3 meals and snacks (hit and miss but that's normal I think) thank you x

Is the "mardy whinging cry" you mention something she has been doing in the night for a long time? It sounds like you've been ignoring this cry so I am not sure leaving her to cry will make any difference - if it's what always happened anyway then ignoring her is no different to what usually happens?

How about considering giving her more attention at night, not less?

You definitely need to sort how she goes to sleep. I'd suggest milk drink then them into cot. Then you stay. Caring, compassionate, stroking, tickling, shushing, patting, eye contact, leaning into the cot. Stay right the way until she's fully asleep - in the cot - then leave the room once she's spark out.

Same at any middle of the night wake ups. So get yourself comfy in her room.

Same at nap time. At her age is go for one lunchtime nap. After lunch, say 1pm-3pm.

Thanks for your reply fate we do give her lots of attention in the night it's why we are all sleep deprived. She will do the whinging cry even when she is lying on us. We hear her leave her for a few mins to see if she settles (9/10 times we get up at this point) go in to her, pick her up cuddle and drink and wait for her to fall back asleep and put her back down. So we do not ignore her in the night, the nap earlier was a success she moaned to herself for about 10 mins and was then gone, I stayed in my room and did not have to go into her, she as however completely shattered due to been awake for a few hours in the evening, tonight However I plan to stay in the room with her until she's asleep and gradually work my way out of the room over time.
As she was premature and spent the first month of her life in nicu we have picked her up more than we probably should due to feeling we missed out on that at the beginning so it is definitely not a case of needing to give her more attention as I said she always falls asleep on us not on her own.