sleep training a 3year old!!

[Babytalkobsession]

DS just turned 3. He is a bloody nightmare. He is never tired at bedtime, he could keep going forever if we didn't force his routine on him every night. I then usually have to do a series of rubbing his back, leaving., getting cross, rubbing his back again until he finally falls asleep with me there. It's just a horrible shouty experience with lots of 'if you don't lie down then no story / mummy's going to go' threats.

He frequently wakes once or twice a night and I usually stay with him back to sleep then too.

He doesn't focus on stories, jumps around, plays up, thinks of endless things he needs, screams / cries at his gate. I just can't take it anymore. I have nothing left. We have a 5 month old too (who self settles!! But wakes a couple times for feeds). I dread dS1 bedtime. I long for lovely story time with cuddles and a relaxed child instead of this.

We have no evening - it's often 9pm before he's asleep.

So...what do we do? We've used controlled crying when he was 8 months & 18 months. It worked both times but we gradually slipped into old habits. Is it different for 3 year olds?

Many thanks

Sounds really tough . I think there is something called rapid return you can use for that age. You have to keep putting back in his bed at every wake up workout saying anything until he settles himself . It takes three nights of very hard work but hopefully he will start self settling after that . I am having problems with early waking , sleep deprivation is a killer .

Could you stay in til he falls asleep? Can DP watch 15mo at that time? The comfort of knowing you will stay til he's asleep might calm him down?

Also, does he nap? If my 3yo has even a small nap he's up til 10pm. It's not his fault. He does try to get to sleep those nights, he just can't.

Sycamore we did this 2 nights ago and eventually he went to sleep, but on the last return where he was very obviously sleepy and giving in I stayed while he quickly nodded off. So an improvement. Last night he was very silly and overexcited but we did similar, once he realised I was serious and determined he just reached out to hold my hand and quickly fell asleep!

I really don't mind staying of he goes off quickly and is actually trying. It's the jumping, kicking, silly noises etc I can't cope with. Ds2 (5 months) is usually asleep at 7pm so he isn't a bother at this time, but I'm usually at the end of my patience after juggling them both all day

He doesn't nap on the whole, but if he gets into a cycle of late to bed / night walking then he'll drop off in the car. We try to avoid it at all costs though.

Last night he was up at 1am. I had to go to him twice to resettle. Baby woke for a feed then too, then again 2 hours later so I'm a zombie today!!

Thank you for your replies

No idea how those red faces got there!!!

Why isn't your DP doing the night-wakings with your DS1 so that you're not seeing to both? That's not fair.

Also - sticker chart? One sticker for being calm and listening to a story, one sticker for staying quietly in bed after, then one sticker for not calling out for mummy in the night? Big reward for x-number of stickers.

But seriously, get your DP to help with night-wakings. Working though he may be, you're looking after a three year old and a baby during the day which is the height of shit. I can tell you from vast experience that working is far, far easier on broken sleep than childcare.

Thanks Elph. Will try stickers, although he didn't a shit about them for potty training. My husband does get up but it usually ends in 3 year old going bat shit crazy. He's been in a 'mummy do it' phase for months. DH helps in the morning by getting up early with both, and as he works from home usually means I get an extra hour then.

You're right though...I'd much rather be back at work sometimes. At least there I can have good coffee & mainly only deal with reasonable people (as opposed to a toddler!)