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Sleep

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Original poster

Please please need help in getting nearly 6 yr old to sleep at night

24 replies

ssd · 14/02/2007 21:12

we're getting desperate here

6 yr old ds2 won't go to sleep by himself, he needs one of us to lie beside him in bed until he's asleep. but this can take for ages and its totally ruining our evenings. can't leave him to scream as ds1 would be woken up by him and he needs all the sleep he can get

this lying beside ds2 is driving us nuts

if you have experience of this please help with advice

OP posts:

Original poster

ssd · 14/02/2007 21:17

please help!

feel mn is the only place I can get help with this

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/02/2007 21:18

ssd, have you tried the tanya byron method of getting him to sleep on his own?

jangly · 14/02/2007 21:19

Have you tried letting him listen to story tapes with the light out, until he drops off?

Original poster

ssd · 14/02/2007 21:24

the story tapes don't work, he just pisses about

VVVQ what method is that? haven't heard of that one

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/02/2007 21:26

Its tucking them in, telling them whats going to happen, and leaving them, and if they stir, shout etc, just continuous putting back to bed, without much talking, and use of star charts to reward going to bed on his own nicely etc. It will make for a long couple of nights, thats for sure.

I'm sure someone who can explain it better will be along in a minute.

Original poster

ssd · 14/02/2007 21:35

sounds quite good

ds2 is at it I know but he's also genuinely scared in bed himself and it's breaking the pattern thats been set up for him

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Original poster

ssd · 15/02/2007 09:48

bump

OP posts:

sunnysideup · 15/02/2007 10:52

SSD we stayed with our ds for ages as he didn't want to be left. What we've now done is this:

DH reads him stories in bed.
Then they call me and we have a lovely 'family' time where we lay together and tell each other stories, and just generally chat. Then I kiss him goodnight and ds stays with him for one last chat...then dh says goodnight and the deal is DH goes back to check on him in one minute, then I go in two minutes, and so on until he drops off.

As long as DS knows that we are coming back to check on him he is fine.

At first we were very clear that we would be back very soon and we went back in about half a minute so that he would trust us.

We always go and don't leave it longer than we say we will.

He's accepted it amazingly well and one major bonus is that he falls asleep SO SO much faster, usually within ten minutes. It used to, as you say, take ages when we were with him...I think your presence there keeps them awake rather than helping!

I'd recommend giving this a try, it certainly worked for us!

Original poster

ssd · 15/02/2007 10:55

worried that all the coming and going up and down the stairs would keep ds1 awake

do you have any other kids?

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sunnysideup · 15/02/2007 11:01

No we have the luxury of only one! How old is ds1? The thing is, if this takes only ten minutes (which it does for us) then that's not long for ds1 to be kept awake is it?

Also I think we are pretty silent anyway, pad up the stairs quietly and just poke our heads round the door and blow him a kiss or something - I don't think it's noisy or disruptive, you might get away with it.....but I dunno, as I say we haven't had to consider another child in the equation....

tissy · 15/02/2007 11:02

Could you arrange a holiday with family/ friends who have children who go to sleep on their own?

Dd(5) was like this till Christmas! We were staying at my brothers house; he has 4 kids both older and younger than dd, who all go to sleep on their own. Dd just announced that she was a big girl now and wanted me to go downstairs. I did, and she's fallen asleep on her own ever since. I must admit, I didn't expect it to last, but it did!

Original poster

ssd · 15/02/2007 11:10

staying with others with kids aged 5 isn't an option I'm afraid

ds1 is 8 and if he thought ds2 was getting all this attention at bedtime we'd hear from him I'm sure!

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sunnysideup · 15/02/2007 11:13

can't you visit ds1 at the same time?

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 11:23

like the advice sunnyside up. rather than going downstairs, why not stay upstairs sitting on the landing. Go in after 1 minute, tell him goto sleep now. go in again don't say anything, pull duvet up walk out. go in again don't even look at him, pull duvet over him walk out. and repeat as many times as posssible. but do not communicate or look at him. In my experience (2 DS sharing a room). This process, will take a few days, so, take a few deep breaths, stay off red wine and remain focused. Good luck.

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 11:26

So pretty much the same as VVVQV said, only she mentioned the nice bits at the beginning, explaining and rewarding.

sunnysideup · 15/02/2007 11:29

just thinking about it, does you laying with your ds2 for ages not constitute spending MORe time with him and giving MORE attention? Than settling him another way that takes much less time?

I just want to sort this out FOR you, I wish I could - ds was such a labour intensive child when it came to settling at bedtime and I so sympathise! it's so EASY for us now that I know what a difference the right method can make.

If you don't fancy mine or curly's I understand - hope some other ideas come up. LOVE the advice to stay off the red wine

but reward yourself with a large glass when you've cracked it!

Original poster

ssd · 15/02/2007 17:25

thanks for this advice, does make a lot of sense

might wait till the Easter hols to try it!

OP posts:

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 19:45

ssd thats 6 weeks away, what about you and your evening?

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 19:46

evenings even!

Original poster

ssd · 16/02/2007 09:30

curly its lasted about 3 yrs now, I can wait!

just hope we're not too knackered to try it at all, we're both done in with all this.

also ds2 wakes every night and comes in with me and we all swap beds

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CurlyN · 16/02/2007 10:13

ohhh no this isn't good for any of you. I can understand why you want to leave it until holidays, its all very trying. but you might find DS1 responds quickly, just take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and try it. get yourself a chair, sit on landing, and go in and out as mentioned before. he'll soon get really bored of you not respnding to him, and will realise maybe quite quickly that he is wasting his time, and will just sleep on his own.

CurlyN · 16/02/2007 10:14

sorry DS2.

dejags · 16/02/2007 10:19

SSD - dare I say this but at age six I think the Supernanny's approach is a good one.

After bedtime routine - give the usual kisses, hugs and say "goodnight darling".

When he comes down or starts calling go in and say "it's bedtime now darling, good-night" then tuck him in.

After that continue going in but not saying anything. Just consistently put DS to bed and tuck him in.

Sounds harsh but it does work. If in the meantime, he's distrurbing your older child - put that child on a mattress on the floor in your room.

sunnysideup · 16/02/2007 13:07

I see where people are coming from with this approach and I can see it being best with maybe a 2 yr old - but I think with a nearly six year old it wold be just nicer to make an agreement or deal with him...he feels some involvement in the situation instead of having mum or dad suddenly start blanking him when he's been tucked in..I think with some kids this could be a red rag to a bull and would encourage them to try to fight what's happening.

Our ds was involved in the change and when we go in to check him he tells US "come again in 2 minutes" etc....

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