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Sleep

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Original poster

Ok, so I need to ditch the dummies but I am scared he will never sleep again.

25 replies

Lilliput · 13/02/2007 21:32

Ds turns 2 tomorrow and I need to ditch the dummies. I gave him a dummy when he was tiny because he had reflux and never slept much and was only content when sucking either me or a dummy.
I can now see that they are affecting his speech. He's pretty articulate for his age but not clear, he's quite lispy. He looks quite slack jawed a lot of the time so I guess the dummies are affecting his mouth muscles. And to top it off his teeth are beginning to stick out.
So they have got to go. He has two dummies, one in mouth one in hand. He has them in bed, in the car and sometimes when shattered.
I am so scared of the hell that will follow taking them away.
He only slept through the night at 11 months. He still wakes if he loses either of them.
I need some support building up to this. Dh and I have decided no more as of next Monday.

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fransrosesarered · 13/02/2007 22:00

hi lilliput hows you? we went through the same thing a while back now and dd doesn't miss them. we found an old one when clearing out a cupboard and knew what it was so she remembered using one but happily gave it back to me. one word though, once you start, please don't go back and give one to your ds because he won't know what to think and it may confuse him, i'm not being ansty or anything and it will be hard for all of you but if you start as you mean to go on, then after a week or so it will get easier

you won't be on your own. fm x

Original poster

Lilliput · 13/02/2007 22:00

I know it's boring as someone asks about getting rid of dummies all the time, but I need support too.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lilliput · 13/02/2007 22:03

oops, was trying to bump and we cross posts.
how old was she and how long did it take for her to settle. I imagine him giving up his naps because of this.

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Tiggerish · 13/02/2007 22:05

I'm with fm on this one. Start as you mean to go on. Be really firm. Try to involve him in the process too. When we did this with our ds (he was 2.5) I took him to the toy shop and swapped all his dummies for a really fab toy. The sales girl played along beautifully!! After that if he ever asked for them I would remind him what we did. After the first week he never mentioned them again.
Good luck with it

fransrosesarered · 13/02/2007 22:07

i know i must admit i found it hard going particularly as dd was getting upset and dp said just give her a dummy. i persevered and gradually dd got used to the new, i don't know, way of doing things i suppose.

it will be hard for everyone - sleepless nights and tantrums but if you and your dh stick together, then it will gradually get easier. i promise.

btw, it's not boring. everyone needs help at different times so you don't have to apologise you can cat me if you wish x

fransrosesarered · 13/02/2007 22:09

i did it when she was fairly young and i had a week's holiday off work tho i can't remember how old she was, she is only 21mths now. i think perhaps younger than one. but it will work if you keep going

Original poster

Lilliput · 13/02/2007 22:21

Cheers fm.
I think I will take it away when in the car this week. I like the idea of exchanging them in the toy shop.
Will let you know how I get on.
Any other advice/experiences greatly received.

OP posts:

fransrosesarered · 13/02/2007 22:23

the toys thing is a good idea

Original poster

Lilliput · 19/02/2007 19:34

So tonight is the night. Bedtime routine has happened as usual. He was put into his cot and rabbit tucked under his arm and we left the room. It took him 2 minutes to realise something wasn't right. Dh went up and said the dummies were lost, rabbit didn't have a dummy, mummy and daddy didn't have a dummy and neither did baby pom. Lay him back down. Dh had to go back into work. I left ds to cry/whine for 10 minutes then went back up, said very little and lay him back down. Whined for a couple of minutes and now there is silence.
I expect later will be hard when he stirs at some point. I was up last night rummaging around under the cot for the one he holds in his hand, he still had one dummy in his mouth. So total cold turkey tonight!
Wish me luck!

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macneil · 19/02/2007 19:38

Don't worry too much about this. I was ancient when I finally got rid of my own dummies as a kid. I used to have one almost permanently stuck in my mouth and one stuck between my nose and lips as a spare. I remember clearly negotiating with my mother and telling her I'd give up by FIVE, and also embarrassedly lying to friends when they came round about the dummy belonging to a doll. In fact, I gave them up when I was 3, with a bit of will power fuelled by the embarrassment. My teeth didn't meet (I don't think dummies were shaped as well back in the 70s) but I spoke perfectly (and a LOT), and within a few months, my teeth went back into line on their own and I really (sorry, this sounds like boasting, it's not supposed to be) have the straightest, most perfect teeth now, never had any braces. I'm certainly not trying to put you off dummy withdrawal, however, be assured that there is no scary deadline beyond which it's all too late and things will go very wrong.

ja9 · 19/02/2007 19:39

good luck! will watch with interest. we need to tackle this too...

Original poster

Lilliput · 20/02/2007 09:11

well, he managed to sleep until 3am and then we had to endure just over and hour of agonising controlled crying. I was really impressed he made it until 3! He got lots of praise this morning for being a big boy and strangely seems full of beans as usual. I always expect controlled crying to traumatise kids in some way but he is his sunny self this morning, unlike me
Last night was not helped by dd wetting her bed at 1.30am.

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Original poster

Lilliput · 20/02/2007 19:29

All quiet so far, he asked for the dummies as I put him into his cot but I said they were gone.
I'm knackered from last night so wish me luck for later.

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ja9 · 20/02/2007 21:58

you're making it sound easy! keep up the good work...

Original poster

Lilliput · 21/02/2007 09:40

Not a peep last night.
As my dh said, it's probably a bit early to be congratulating ourselves just yet!

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ja9 · 21/02/2007 22:21

how was tonight lilliput? and how have his nap times been?

myturntobeDave · 21/02/2007 22:23

Good for you lilliput. Remember going through this, but persistence is definitely worth it. Sounds likes you have cracked it.

(Hi Ja9 )

Original poster

Lilliput · 22/02/2007 10:44

Put him down for a nap yesterday afternoon, no problems. Last night again not a peep, infact we all slept in until 8 .
I think he is sleeping better because he doesn't have the dummies!

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ja9 · 22/02/2007 16:17

err Myturntobedave, do i know you? who are you?

franke · 22/02/2007 16:24

We've just been through this too Lilliput - definitely not too early to be congratulating yourself. I was amazed how easy it was with ds too. I think you are absolutely right that they sleep better without the dummy. Once the dummies were ditched, ds also ditched his daytime nap, but sleeps like a log at night now.

fizzbuzz · 22/02/2007 16:25

Oh God F dummies...why did I give dd one? Why? Why? Why?

In and out all sodding night, am completely knackered. I will watch this thread (and all the other dummy threads) with interest.

Dd is 7 months old, and completely addicted to dummy

Original poster

Lilliput · 22/02/2007 19:39

I wish I had taken his dummy away sooner.
Fizzbuzz, at 7 months you could take it away and do controlled crying and save yourself months of getting up, shoving it back in.
What have you got to lose apart from a little sleep?

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annmarieandlily · 22/02/2007 20:11

Some of you watching the Controlled Crying Support Thread might have seen my blog of ditching the dummy with my totally addicted 6 month old dd.

I agonised over giving her the dummy in the first place as I never did with my ds, but in hindsight I couldn't have managed without it in the early days. She was using me as a human dummy to get to sleep and would howl in the car or the supermarket. It actually saved me a whole lot of stress.

I then agonised for weeks about taking it away, but I made a decision in the last few days that it had to go. She wasn't sleeping well anyway so I really had nothing to lose. It HAD to be better doing it sooner rather than later.

So totally dreading doing controlled crying I took the plunge, expecting hours of screaming, but I have to say she has AMAZED me at how easily she has given it up. The first night she cried for about half an hour (which of course seems like an eternity and is heartbreaking) and since then about 10 minutes at night. Daytime naps are actually more difficult as I think bedtime has more sleep cues for her to pick up on (bath, sleepy songs etc) but with a bit of feeding and cuddles she has managed naps too.

We are on day three now with no dummies, and I can honestly say that she has almost forgotten they ever existed. She plays quite happily in the car with her toys rather than crying every time the blooming thing fell out. She is sleeping much better at night too.

I know cc is not for everyone, but for us it has been relatively quick and painless. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am doing her a huge favour by getting rid of them. I tried to kid myself that it would be easier as she got older but I know that can't be true.

You will need to be strong but you just might be surprised at how quickly and easily your dc gives it up.

Best of luck x

BandofMothers · 22/02/2007 20:19

You lucky ba**ds!!!!
The younger the better I say.
I let my dd1 have hers until she was nearly 3. Big mistake, but she was SOOOOOOOOO attached to it.
I took the plunge when she bit a hole in one.
She screamed and cried for 2 hours the first night!!
It took about 2 weeks before she'd go to bed without fuss, then about 2/3 months before she finally is slepping through without waking more than 1/2 times.

Needless to say dd2 has never had one. Never seemed to want one thank heavens.

Elsie123 · 01/04/2007 12:19

Hello

Can I join this thread please? My DS is 9mths old and has just recovered from a throat infection and thrush which meant he did not want his dummy. We have now decided not to give it back!

The nights seem to be ok - he has never been a great sleeper, but used to love going to bed. Now he cries for a bit when we put him down, and we have had to use a bit of CC, which I am very bad at, but luckily only for 20mins (a long 20mins!)or so

The problem is daytime naps. He simply won't settle. Before he was ill he would have a really good am nap - 2 - 2/1/2 hrs. He has alway been a little erratic in the afternoon, but I could cope. Now having just looked after him through his illness, which I now have, I am really finding this hard. I even find myself being angry with him, and I love him so much.

Now he just cries and cries until we get him up. I have tried sitting with him, CC, PUPD, everything, but he just keeps crying until he is got up. I am finding this really hard. He is also starting to get a bit grizzly, and looks at me like he hates me! What can I do???

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