pick up put down method sorry long

[mummytojames]

hope one of you can help me because i think im going wrong somewhere here my son nine months has got a large dose of seperation angzity (please escuse the spelling) and i was told through friends and family that the pic up put down method would be best for the night but they waqsnt sure how you do it
so i have been putting him to bed awake he screams so i pick him up settle him then put him back down for him to scream again am i doing something wrong here because i feel as if im just teasing him and making him worsse
also when i put him down alseep he will wake up smile at me and go straight back of im realy confused
when he wakes in the morning he looks over sees us there and plays happily until he starts getting hungry
sorry such along post im just baffled and feeling like im failing some how oh and and will this method work within three months because at 12 months he goes into his own room in a big boy bed

Have you tried reading The Baby Whisperer? She tells you akk about pick up put down. I've got the book but haven't really read it but if you like I can try to skim through it. I do remember reading that it can literally take hundreds of pu/pds before it works

I did pu/pd with ds when he was about 6 months and the first time took two hours! It was hellish, but it did work. Over the following few days he was going straight down for bedtime and only a couple of pickups for naps - it was bliss! Until he stated teething but that's another story

You're not failing. It does seem to go against common sense a bit and I know what you mean when you say you are teasing him but it will work if you are consistent. You probably need to have a read of the Baby Whisperer book to be sure of what you're doing. The trick is to pick them up very briefly, not to hold them or rock them at all. Hold him up against your shoulder, give him a kiss and a 'shush,shush' or whatever, put him straight back down. It's hard work at first and you really need to persevere but it is amazing when it works!

HTH

No it sounds like you are doing pu/pd right but you could read the Baby Whisperer for reassurance. It can take a while but as long as you are there in the room to offer reassurance until he drops off you just have to persist. If you can reassure him by just patting him while he lies in his cot then it might come quicker.

I think separation anxiety is slightly different to them being able to settle themselves to sleep although there may be a relationship here as it can peak at around 9 months. Is he difficult if you, say, leave the room during the day and will he remain calm with anyone else if you pop out ?

Can you put him in his own room now as that will make a clearer distinction between sleep and always being in your prescence. I suspect you may find that he will eventually settle himself as things now are with pu/pd but that you might go through it all over again when you move him.

Don't know if it will help but there is a download on the baby whisperer website which answers some questions about the pu/pd method.

Q&A with Tracy Hogg

This may not help mtj but I have to say that pu/pd method was a disaster with dd. I read Tracy Hogg and knew what I was doing and ok, it worked in the sense that eventually dd would go to sleep but it took AGES every time and like you're describing it seemed to put her into a frenzy to be picked up and then put down again. In the end I gave up and went for Richard Ferber approach, i.e. reassure without picking up and within 3 days she was sleeping like a dream.

I should add that initially I went for pu/pd because I thought it would be 'softer' than Ferber but in the end it wasn't. Not at all in our case. But I think other mnetters have much more positive experiences of it than me.

I think it really depends on the child. I did ferber with my ds and it worked very well, but never managed to get it together with my dd. I didn't move my ds into a big boy bed until 22 mo. I wonder if 12 months could be too early. At that age my ds was still thrashing around in his sleep and would have definitely thrown himself out of bed in his sleep. However, although dd is still in cot, when we travel she has slept happily in a bed since 12 mo. But both were in their own room at 6 mo.

sofia the reason were thinking about putting him in a big bed at 12 months is the simple fact that he waking himself up in the night by turning over and bashing his head on the bars or smacking his knee as he his quite big and tall for his age so we were thinking os his saftey and the bed we have seen for him has got a bar going right the way down so i dont have to panick to much about him falling out just the fact that the materess is bigger but we will have the cot in the same room for a while so if we do find its a problem on the first night he can go straight back in his cot for a while
liz it is definately seperation anziety the only people he will be left alone with is me or dp without screaming the house down and the last time i left the room with him in his playpen and i did say im only going to get your dinner and he screamed so hard that he made hime self physicaly ill thats why i was worried about doing anything harder than the pick up put down method or putting him in his own room yet because of making himself ill
moomin my ds is teething at the moment and seems to e haveing more trouble with one tooth then he has had with the rest that why i was worried about doing it at first thinking he is in pain and he needs his mum for comfort
jm thanks for the link i will have a look at that

thanks all again i will give it a month if there no change by then im going to have t do tough love and just sit by the cot and talk to him and not touch him
oh and i have tried the patting on the back he's crafty i think he's asleep i slow to a stop then he stands up and starts to cry again

Pls tell me,who is Richard Ferber? Wot exactly do u do again?

I'm also having trouble with DS and separation anxiety... he's 9.5 months. Have been doing pu/pd for the past few nights and am getting some results. He is also quite upset if I leave him (leave the room) and is really clingy. Apparently along with the pu/pd you should be giving him lots of extra cuddles, trying never to leave him unless you need to, etc. I think I've been told that this phase may only last 2-3 weeks... how long has it been going on for you?

Calpol's the only suggestion I've got for teething... it worked for DS.

If pu/pd doesn't work for us by next weekend (1.5 weeks from now) then I will leave him crying and try that because we're going on holiday in 2.5 weeks and we need this to stop by then. Fingers crossed.

Good luck, mummytojames.

timo, Ferber is Richard Ferber and his book is called 'Solve your child's sleep problems' or something like that. He advocates a very particular form of 'controlled crying' which is NOT just about leaving them to cry. It is about leaving them to learn to settle themselves to sleep while reassuring them very regularly that they are safe and not alone. I think there's a mistaken idea about 'leaving to cry' and if you actually read Ferber's method it makes a lot of sense and is far from cruel.

Hey there - am new to MUMS NET in the hope that I get some reassurance/advice.
My DD has just started screaming every time I put her in her cot. Is 12 months - used to settle herself to sleep ok. Now stands in her cot screaming. Have tried leaving her to cry and going in to lie her down occasionally but the only way she wil settle is if I pat her then sit by her cot until she falls asleep. How long will this last? Problems started when we went to stay with family and put her to bed in a travel cot when we got there/later than usual.
She had a couple of good nights when i got home - then had MMR.
Don't think its necessarily MMR but more like separation anxiety. Patting / being with her works but will she ever return to settling herself if she gets used to me doing this?? This is my main worry. Thanks for any advice.