Feeing sorry for myself- what am I doing wrong?

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Dd is 10 months and has never slept through. Used to bf every 3-4 hours overnight however we were seeing some progress one feed around 1pm but that was very short lived and tonight she went to bed at 6.30 but was up at 10pm for a massive feed. We can't nightwean because she screams for milk and we live in a very thin walled terrace and the neighbours must put up with enough already. Plus I can't bear to hear her cry anyway. I just want her to get it on her own.

I just want to be able to go out for an evening, or go to bed early and catch up on some sleep. She feeds a fair amount during the day but only really before naps when sleepy, she's just not interested when out and about. She's not a massive solid eater but had a decent portion of dinner tonight, she drinks water from a sippy cup fine.

I had a gig planned with my dh at the end oct that I was so looking forward to but facing the fact that I won't be able to go now.

I'm so tired and just want a bit of freedom. I never expected her to be feeding this much overnight at 10 months.

I went to bed at fucking. 8.30 this evening cos I'm so fucking tired and now I'm awake again and crying cos I'm so fed up.

You're not doing anything wrong. Just try to remind yourself that it's not forever. My DS2 is 12 months and still feeds during the night. Some nights he seems to only sleep if he's attached. It is hard but it will pass. Do you have any help? Everything seems worse when you're tired, is there anyone who can have her for a bit so you can sleep?

You need to get tough!

Stop offering milk other than a quick drink after her solid meal - if she refuses her meal take her down and try again half an hour later

She won't get it in her own - you need to teach her

She needs more than milk and is waking with hunger

Get tough and stick to your guns

Mine was like that at 10 months but by 12 and a half months she'd started eating a lot more during the day so with a bit of distraction I managed to drop all day time feeds. It was liberating! At 15 months she still feeds to sleep st bedtime and 2-3 times a night but i don't see the need to stop just get, I go to bed super early too but I figure she will grow out of it one day and she's getting so much goodness from the milk. I don't think you're doing anything wrong and there's no need to get 'tough', time will sort it. Also for me the thought of all the calories feeding gets rid of Spurs me on

Fluffkins

OP is tired and fed up and crying - she's not happy

You may be happy with it - but it's affecting OP - huge difference!!

If she's that tired and unhappy it will affect her in the day time - worn out and probably short and grumpy -

Night wean gradually. Time feeds and set some boundaries - no feeds before 11pm and 4 hours after the first feed.

Write down what happens tonight and then reduce one minute per feed per night.

Tackle self settling for daytime naps. Presuming she has 2 naps start the routine something like into bedroom, close the curtains, nappy change and gro bag, the same book and bed.

7 am wake and milk
get dressed
8 am breakfast
9.30 milk
10 am nap

11.30 wake and lunch
1 pm milk
2.30 sleep

4 wake up
4.30 dinner
6.00 bath if needed, supper
6.30 pj's, milk, teeth, book and bed at 7

Thanks all, sorry I had a bit of a meltdown last night, my dh bore the brunt but clearly that wasn't enough and I had to rant here aswell

She does self settle and has done for a while, I feed her before naps just to make sure she's nice and full but I suppose I could cut the association completely.

She definitely seems genuinely hungry at night though, and tbh she could go all day without feeding, she never "asks" I just try and offer in the hope that she wakes up less at night!

I also always worry that she may be teething cos she still hasn't got any!

She will be hungry at night now as she's become used to getting her calories then but she won't starve if you night wean her, she will just take more in the daytime. Refusing the morning feed is a bit of a sign that they don't need the night feed really.

Don't worry about ranting, completely understandable. Nothing like parenting to make you feel a bit clueless and out of your depth

Thank you

You're right I think I need to take control of the situation, I'm just lazy and tired and kept hoping it would get better on its own, DH is fully on board to help (he's probably getting a bit tired of having his head bitten off ).

I think we'll start with the 10pm feed tonight.
Maybe I'll get the neighbours some chocolates to say sorry..but maybe it won't be as bad as I imagine!

I could handle one wake up! I wouldn't even mind that! I mean it's all relative isn't it...But i'm going back to work in a few months which I'm dreading already without being dog tired.

She's never been a massive comfort feeder so I'm also slightly spurred on by that as I feel a bit bad about denying her comfort but she literally pushes me away once she's done feeding at night!

You might be pleasantly surprised. I weaned at 7 months (I went back to work then) and ds just accepted it. On the last night he did still wake up but I just went in and said no - he cried on and off for 12 minutes and that was it, no more night feeds!

They do all grow out of it. I know it's hard but it will pass

I had issues with my first DC so can say what worked for me. Rather than give a big feed at night give a small bottle. Say 6oz. Then act like that's perfectly normal. Do for a few days.

She'll eat more in the day and reduce by an ounce a night. Swap to a sippy cup with water towards the end. Don't make eyecontact or talk during the night. Make it in and out and no reward.

Eventually I was running in, quick stroke on my DCs head and running out. Just giving reassurance but expecting self-settling.

I was exactly were you were at 10 months. Didn't want to get 'tough' but also didn't want to wait for her to self wean as I was going insane! It honestly does get better. DD wanted less milk as she ate more, and at just past her first birthday, I stopped breastfeeding her. And she was totally fine. Doesn't need any milk or water during the night, and I'm pleased to say her sleep has just got SO much better! Ok, we're still co sleeping part of the night and that's an issue in itself, but she has slept through quite a few times which I NEVER thought would happen.

Every baby is different; but you've got to look after your physical and mental health too. The fact that DD doesn't seem to be hungry at night is to me a massive indicator that she was feeding for comfort and not sustenance. I do miss having that option to instantly comfort her, but overall it's just got a lot easier. And she's happy and healthy, feel glad I could give her that start.

I hope this helps make you feel a bit more hopeful that it will pass. But honestly? I think cutting down night feeding is the key here...

No help but my nearly 12 month old is awful too. She can eat really well in the day and have milk but still wakes every 1-3 hours in the night. She will only settle if I feed her. Screams blue murder if I send in daddy or try water. It's a good job she is cute......