4.5 month old - feeding loads at night

[golfmonkey]

As above - not sure what I'm hoping for except for a bit of practical advice if possible.

Dd2 is lovely and self settles to sleep with dummy about 7pm after her last feed (bf). She rarely feeds to sleep. First feed of the night is anywhere between 9.30-11.30 then she will go 2-3 hourly between feeds plus some wake ups with dummy resettle until I am so tired (approx 3-4am) I get her out of her sleepyhead and cuddle her/cosleep.

I know it won't be forever but feel like she should be going a bit longer for that first feed. She feeds 2 hourly in the day (if she goes 3hrs she then needs another an hour later) and is a quick feeder approx 5 mins. At night I get up and sit on a chair and she seems to take a really massive feed each time - approx 7-8mins but really gulping the whole time so I think she needs it.

It doesn't seem to matter if I have a day trying to feed her in silence so she isn't distracted or a crazy day with her toddler sister climbing all over her whilst feeding, the nights are pretty much always the same.

Any tips how I can space out feeds or get her to go longer in the night? I do try the dummy and occasionally get an extra 40 mins but no more.

I know she's still young and not planning on weaning/formula till 6 months but am exhausted!!!! Suppose I'm hoping for a miracle and know in my heart of hearts it might just be a matter of luck and patience but time seems to go slowly when you have only had 4 or 5 broken hours of sleep a night for 5 months and don't see an end in sight! Also would love to get my DH back in bed with me and dd2 in her own cot/room but we'd both be too exhausted in this current situation. Thought we'd have got down to 2 feeds by now but it's at least 3-4 plus settling.
Thanks for reading if you've got this far and let me know if there are any miracle solutions you can't find on Google .

P.s. Dd2 is an absolute joy in the day and the minute she smiles at me about 6am my heart melts and I forgive her. Just would like not to feel like crap due to lack of sleep soon! Thanks for reading the ramble, feels good just to think I'm trying something x

My initial suggestion would have been more frequent daytime sleeps. But I was expecting you to say 3-4 hourly daytime feeds and I'd suggest 2 hourly. I see you are already doing 2 hourly feeds, she clearly needs the milk feeds.

Certainly aim for making daytime feeds as long and as frequent as possible, to calorie load during the day.

Also ensure plenty of daytime sleep. A well rested baby likely to wake less frequently, be easier to settle and sleep more deeply. More sleep breeds better sleep. I'd expect about an hour (40-80 mins) of awake time between one nap and the exit at this age.

At night I used to have a "5 minute, 30 minute" rule. If baby woke I'd try for 5 minutes to settle with the dummy. If baby didn't settle in 5m I'd feed. If baby did settle with dummy but then woke within 30 mins I would go straight to feed.

Thank you FATE, like the idea of the 5, 30 rule. Guess if it was longer than 30 mins you'd try to resettle again? I wonder if she's just a snacker like me as she really doesn't feed once she's had her fill iykwim. Dd1 used to hang out for ages on the boob if I let her (and still doesn't seem to have an 'off switch' with food)- dd2 is the opposite! Particularly bad night last night .
I might just get her to have more naps - she was catnapping in sling but I felt like she should be getting some sort of structure by this age and so have been trying to make her naps a bit longer (still in sling). She is generally happily awake 2-2.5 hrs between naps (3-4 per day) now so perhaps just trying for lots of catnaps again but closer together might give her more overall rest.
I sort of know I might just need to suck it up and change my expectations. I wasn't ever expecting her to sleep through by now, but really thought I'd have had at least one or two nights where she'd done a 6-8hr stretch between feeds. Importantly, I thought I might have had a 4 hour stretch of sleep myself by now. but the longest she has ever gone is 5 hrs (6.30-11.30). While I get to bed by 8.30 if I can, it's not exactly easy once dd1 has gone down at 7.30 to finish all jobs and eat tea any quicker!
Thanks again for the reply.