22 months and I am 100% fucking DONE.

[KeepsAwayTheNargles]

DS is 22 months old.

For the first 7 months of his life, he wouldn't sleep without being held. So I held him, for multiple daytime naps and all night he lay in the crook of my arm. Attempts to put him down were met with furious crying and an exhausted, miserable child. It wasn't worth it.

Then he started rolling away, wanted space. Which seemed great. Except he still woke up multiple time a night. And still does. On a good night, once. On a bad night I have to sleep with him in his single bed (if these nights are a Friday or Saturday DH does it instead).

He's still BFing but doesn't always want that to go back to sleep, he just comes and knocks on our bedroom door every time he wakes in the night.

I am exhausted. I can't do it anymore. I am fucking DONE.

Tonight he wasn't going to sleep for me and was arsing around so DH took over and I'm having a bath. He has finally stopped crying after screaming for about 45 minutes, so hopefully he's going to sleep.

DH will do tonight and tomorrow, then I need to get through 2 nights wearing a top in this heat to prevent boob access offering water and dummies before DH is off work for a week and will do each night again. So, night weaning in the hope he stops bothering getting out of bed.

Please tell me this will work and he will magically sleep through. I've posted a few times about him and the not sleeping over his short life and was never at the end of my tether before but I'm now getting angry with him over it and I hate that, so this it it. It has to be. I can't anymore.

Any words of wisdom / reassurances that I'm not going to traumatise him for life / hand-holding much appreciated :(

DH did our night weaning at about 17 months and tbh I left night wakings to him for a good while after to break the link with the boob but our little fella was not as bad as you are describing. The way I looked at it was I had done all the night waking for a long, long time it was now DHs turn to night parent. Personally I think I let him off to easy

We night weaned at 11 months and DD started sleeping through the night. A few months later though, teeth and illness made her wake during the night again and after about 3 weeks of sleeping IN HER COT with her to try get her back to sleep (which could take 2+ hours) I eventually caved and started feeding her during the night when she woke.

She's now 21 months and sleeps though the night maybe 3 times a week, if she wakes she comes into bed with us and I feed her, she usually settles fairly quickly.

We do have bad nights though, and I get awful nursing aversion. I'm thinking of completely weaning soon...just need the courage to do it!!

It's not easy, as for them a bf isn't about being fed, it's what makes them feel safe, happy and calm. There comes a point though when we need to think of ourselves.

Good luck, I hope it works.

This is what I suggest as you are so desperate.

Bedtime routine at same time every night if possible.
Say good night and cuddle and kiss. Leave.
If gets out of bed direct straight back in "sleep time". Leave.
Third time say nothing. Keep going back however long it takes. It will be shit at first but you can't carry on as you are.
If he doesn't get out of bed but cries do same method but leave 2 mins, 3 mins and so on...

Just make sure his not hungry, in pain or discomfort before carrying out this method.

My dd was like this until well after 2 years old. In desperation I used Cheshire baby whisperer. She was fab (on the phone support). It wasn't an overnight (no pun intended) cure but gradually she's got better. She's now 3.5 and goes down at 7:30 generally through to 5:50am, 6am if lucky. She sleeps through at least five out of seven now and the nights she wakes a quick resettle sorts her. I've still got the Cheshire baby whisperer book and DVD if you want it. Just PM me and we'll sort.
It will get better but bloody hell its tough when you're in it.

I am watching this post with curiosity, I have a 22 month old who has never slept through. I am still bf too and he is a picky eater. He was teething badly the last couple of weeks and literally he wanted to bf all day long and usually he only feeds going to sleep and when he wakes during the night, but I feel your pain about getting up. I co sleep, I don't really know what our next step is and I don't know how I would even go about night weaning, the last few days he seems to be getting back to being himself and hasn't looked for any feeds during the day. I am hoping someone here will have some good tips.

Timetogrowup I've tried that one before a couple of times, the first time I gave up after 90 minutes, the second time after 2 hours. He doesn't stay in bed even for a second, literally you open the door (he knocks on it or opens it), he'll let you take his hand and put him back in bed, you leave the room and he immediately gets out again, he doesn't even stay a minute! Is that normal??

21 months in with dc3 here and I feel your pain. He's been poorly with temp for a few days so isn't feeding at all. My boobs are agony, can't put the dam manual pump together after using for a bit yesterday, (which I bought out of desperation, to just express enough to make me a bit more comfortable )and ds2 is writhing around on my bed, having refused to feed or cuddle.

He generally still feeds to sleep, goes in cot, then cosleeps from whenever he wakes. I've had enough. I'm hoping this is now the end of feeding at least. And really hope that we'll have a week from hell to sort this out, after which he will blissfully self settle and sleep through

Ratbag that's very kind of you, will try to remember to do that!

daisy you dream the impossible dream

Oh bless you.
I have a 23 week old so not sure about older babies/toddlers but it sounds normal.
Maybe get your husband to try it as it may take longer than two hours ?
I would imagine eventually he will need to sleep. Theirs only so long humans can stay awake.

He has decended into sleepy pathetic whimpering bless him. Seems on the verge of finally passing out... (I caved about half an hour ago and he had some boob, maybe that calmed him down enough for him to relent for DH? Ack)

Its astonishing how long he can resist sleep for to be honest, he's terrible!

Have you ruled out teething, reflux (mine were shitty sleepers and I got a lot of rage which meant dh had to step in and help which he did, but ultimately they just found it so hard to settle - they both had reflux and reacted badly to certain foods so we're boob monsters), being too hot (dd used to get hives if over dressed and likes hardly anything for sleeping).

Why don't you want to stop b/feeding - it must be confusing for your DS to know that sometimes he can b/feed but sometimes he can't .

Just stop it & stair gate on the door. He is old enough to have a cup of water in his room if wakes in the night.

In the nicest possible way you need to get tough .

I stopped BFing early (9mnths) for personal reasons and after speaking to my health visitor she advised me that from 6months onwards babies can begin go the night without any feeds.
As my DS was doing it more for comfort rather than hunger (he'd start BFing have a few sips and fall back asleep every HOUR ) I started giving him a bottle of lukewarm water rather than milk and after a while it seemed to deter him from wanting a feed at night.
But what was a big breakthrough for us was implementing a routine so that we put him down every night at exactly the same time, he goes to bed at 8pm so at 7.55pm he's ready in his pyjamas gets taken upstairs to his blacked out room, has his bottle in mine or DPs arms, gets burped and put in bed with his blanket and we leave the room. Sometimes he gurgles to himself, sometimes he whines a bit still but always settles himself to sleep unless he's ill.
But at first we did have to use the cry it out method and be very firm with it, we'd put him in give it 5 mins (of him crying) then go in stroke his head or pat his bum until he's calm and leave,next time leave 10 mins then 15 and so on and so on.
It was hard but it only took a few days and it was definitely worth it as he now sleeps 8-7! We finally get some time in the evening and a good nights rest.
But it definitely takes consistency, patience and plenty of supporting each other.
Good luck op!

Yay! He's finally asleep here! Flat out on my bed, cute snoring, no boob or cuddling to sleep, plenty of messing about, but he's gone off lying on his tummy , limbs stretched out In every direction. I sat next to him but ignored him, then said I was going to check on ds1 and dd, got back and he was asleep. So DH is getting the toddler bed out of the loft tomorrow and the self settling will continue!

Oh god you poor thing. Well, my DD is 13 months and I've just weaned her. Since then her sleep has gradually improved...and she actually slept through the night last week!! Hasn't done it since and sleep is once again disrupted by the evil that is teething. But things are SO much better for us. I know everyone's different and some babies just are shit sleepers (sorry Daytona ) but it has worked for us. Good luck!

Night 3

He is asleep already! About to try and sneak out of his room... He actually napped today so I think that helped. He was a bit annoyed at me refusing to BF, taking him dummy out and signing furiously at me, but I said "booby in the morning" and he had a few drinks of water, vocalised his annoyance at me and with a rendition of The Rabbit Who Wanted To Go To Sleep he is asleep :)

My plan for when he wakes in the night (back on duty today and tomorrow) is to repeat again "booby in the morning" and offer his water. Wish me luck, I may need it! Much easier when I can just send DH in!

twocultures we've given that a go a few times but he doesn't calm down, he gets hysterical and stays that way for hours and ends up being sick and shaking, I can't do it!

purpleboa you give me hope, even mostly sleeping through but for teeth would do me nicely!

I also had one who never wound herself down through crying, always up. If I left her crying for 3 minutes the result would be hysterics and vomit. The amount of people I tried to explain this to who just though I was being 'soft' and giving in.

Same here Worlds, my MiL acted like we were being dramatic until we tried to leave him with her at bedtime once and he got hysterical. She was stunned at how fast it escalated and how he just wouldn't calm down!

Well after a successful bedtime he woke at 11.30, took water from me and went back to sleep. At 3 however he complained and kept signing for boob, I eventually got him back to sleep but every time I tried to leave he'd wake up and DH ended up sleeping in with him til 7.30 (later than he normally sleeps!)

He has had his "morning booby" that kept being promised over night, hopefully that will keep working and just get easier...?