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[missingsleep]

I'm a new Mum and have never been on here before but could really do with some words of wisdom. My daughter is 16 weeks old today and night times have become a total nightmare. I'm not sure where we're going wrong but I know I've never felt so exhausted in my whole life.

For the first three months she would stay up with us, napping on us or in the pram. We'd all go to bed around 11 (or later over Christmas)I'd feed her, put her in her Moses basket and we'd all go to sleep. She'd wake every 3 hours or so overnight but would go straight back to sleep after feeds.

After Christmas I decided it was time to start a routine ie. a definite bedtime. It seemed to work initially with her dropping off around nine after a bath, story, cuddle and feed. The last two weeks however it has all gone horribly wrong. It takes at least two hours to get her down. I'll feed her, she starts to nod off, I pop her in her moses basket and she screams blue murder, so I start all over again. I can tell she's worn out but she senses as soon as I put her down and literally wakes herself up to cry. Also where she used to drop off again in the middle of the night without a problem she's now screaming every time I put her back in her basket after a feed.

My partner is working really hard at he moment and starting to murmur that if she doesn't go in her room he's moving into the attic. I feel like since trying to get a bedtime I've given my baby an utter fear of being put down, lost my evenings to a demoralising pattern of trying to settle a screaming baby and upset everyones sleep.

Sorry to go on but the other thing is that she has also gone from a happy baby we could leave with grandparents without a problem, to one who screams and screams if I leave her with anyone, including Dad which he's getting upset about. She's still a delight in the daytimes but again will drop off on me for a nap and wake crying as soon as I try and put her down.

Is this a phase? Shall I just abandon the whole bedtime plan? Does anyone have any tips on how to make her hate her bed less? Or just on how to cope... Thank you

missingsleep really feel for you have been there myself and i can assure you it does get better - definitely do not abandon the bedtime plan it will be worth it in the long run. My daughter is 27 weeks now, but did exactly as yours is doing at around 16 weeks and beyond. have posted on another thread in Sleep about how we dealt with it - have a look at the one titled Anyone else got an amazing non-sleeping baby (new here as well don't know how to put a link in for you!). First thing is whether you are nursing/feeding her to sleep all the time? I was and as soon as i stopped and got her to self settle and got in to a decent routine with her it all seemed to calm down. Hope the info on the other thread helps - also hope you get some other responses from mums who may have different ideas for you. good luck!

Hello Sar, have read the other thread and at least know I'm not alone. Have been given the no cry sleep solution but it's just not working! Think your method may be better, how old was yours when you started leaving her to cry a bit? Though just can't imagine dd dropping off without the magical mummy dummy.

It was between 14 - 16 weeks that i started putting her in her cot awake rather than sneaking her in once i'd fed her to sleep - other than with the night feeds obviously! So it was around then that we started the things i described in the other thread. She settled down then and started just waking up every 2 or so hours to feed but at least was settling back to sleep and not doing what your dd is doing now ie screaming every time i put her back down - often it felt like she was waiting til i was almost asleep then starting!!!! Then when she got to about 20 weeks was when i stopped feeding her every 2 hrs (ie at 1am and 5am) and used the same method. I figured by that stage if she could go at least 3 hrs during the day she could do it at night too and it turned out i was right.....anyway hope this is helpful i know they are all different and they won't all respond to the same approach but at least you are getting some ideas. Worst thing for me was not knowing how to deal with it and desperately wanting her to GO TO SLEEP even if only for 2 hour stretches. And on the feeding to sleep thing, you should do what you feel is right for you both but my experience was that she learnt to self settle once i stopped letting her use me as a dummy and things calmed down for us at that point. Hope toinght is better for you. can you sleep during the day to catch up?