3 month old won't go back to sleep

[albazavi]

Hi,

I know this has probably been asked lots of times but just asking for any tips. Our lovely little sleeper seems to have hit his sleep regression early (at about 10 weeks old- is now just over 11 weeks).

Ds used to cluster feed until about 9/10pm then sleep for 6/7 hours then a further 3/4 hours and bit more if we put him down it was clear he needed nearing 12 hours at night.

Daytime naps were a nightmare but we were happy that nighttime was fine.

Now cluster feeding seems.to have come to an end- ds feeds about every 2 hours during the day. Daytime naps are better- goes down after 90 kind bUt will only nap for 30 mins.

But nighttime sleep has gone to pot.

We are trying to bath around 6.30pm (books if he isn't grumpy) then big feed and down for 80m.

Yesterday after lots of crying, he went down at 8pm.woke up 10 minutes later. Took me an hour to get him back to sleep.

Woke up at 10pm- gave him another feed and then helped him sled soothe and went to sleep at 10.4pm.

Woke up at 1am- not.looking hungry. Tried to help him re settle, ended up trying to feed kept falling asleep on the boob but waking up in cot. Managed to get back to sleep at 2.15am.

Woke up at 4.30am- really hungry nappy change and big feed. Looked like he was going to go straight back to sleep woke up 5 minutes later. Still not asleep by 6.30am.

Fed at 6 30am- fell asleep on boob, haven't tried putting him down yet.

When I put him down he's desperately trying to get himself to sleep- rubbing his face, ducking his fists. I help him with his comforter and that works brilliantly and he falls asleep, but as soon as I take it away he'd back to thrashing and grunting. I won't leave it in the cot as worried he will smother himself.

We have put up.black out blinds as we thought that was the problem.

I genuinely don't mind getting up in the night to feed him but he's (and me) only.getting 4 hours proper sleep a night- whilst his eyes are closed as he's thrashing and rubbing, I don't think he's actually asleep.

We are using white noise to help as well.

Any tips are gratefully received.

Sorry for all the errors! Blaming lack of sleep!

Teeth ? We need more info about the daytime sleep to be able to comment on the nighttime waking , how much does he weigh ?

He weighs just over 11 lbs.

In the daytime, normally he goes down after 90 minutes of being awake. If I catch him at the right time he will put himself to sleep in his basket

He will normally have 4/5 30- 40 minute naps a day- perhaps with 1 or 2 a bit longer if I've managed to get him out in the car or pram.

If he's had lots of very short naps, I'll often let him nap on me in the afternoon so I cam help him stretch out the nap. Then he'll sleep for about an hour and a half.

I keep looking in his mouth for teeth (even though it would be ridiculously early) and can't see anything. He is dribbling lots at the minute and sucking his bottom lip a lot. But no red cheeks. He doesn't cry in the night when he's hungry or tired either, just thrashing and grunting.

Any tips at all? I'm willing to try anything!

If he isn't crying why are you picking him up at night ? Baby's are very active sleepers, he might be asleep ( if his eyes are closed). It's against the guidelines, but would you consider putting him in his own room ?

I've been thinking that today. But have always managed to catch him being hungry before he cries before (was told that you need to learn the signs before they cry at night so that they don't get to stressed and then you have to calm them down to feed- this was at the NHS breast feeding class).

He used to do it for a bit and then drop into a deep sleep but he might be sleeping still. Will try tonight and see.

Just desperate to sort the sleep before the dreaded 4 month regression kicks in!

Ok- so it got much much worse last night. Pretty mucheap ds woke every hour from 7pm to 7am. I tried all sort of things to settle him but he ended up feeding to go back to sleep each time.

At 2.30am he wouldn't go to sleep and we rocked, shushed, cuddled, had the comforter. Nothing worked and eventually caved and and fed at 4am.

I can't work out if this is a growth spurt or a sleep regression. He is now wide awake when he wakes up which is unusual but happy to take the boob and feed (less than during the day but still a good 10 minute feed).

He used to be able to self settle (with his comforter) but he seems to not be able to do this any more.

I keep reading conflicting advice. Do I coitus to feed to sleep or try to teach him to self settle?

My advice is definitely feed to sleep if it works. It's quick and easy and if it gets your DS to sleep do it. I always feed DS2, 10 months to sleep. I did the same with DS1 who's 12 now and never had any sleep issues.

I found a paragraph on Kelly mom about using the tools we've been given and not feeling guilty about it. Will see if i can find it again. Feeding to sleep is natural, use it.

From Kellymom...

Breastfeeding to Sleep and Other Comfort Nursing

Many mothers feel guilty for breastfeeding their baby for comfort or as they drift off to sleep.Breastfeeding your child to sleep and for comfort is not a bad thing to do– in fact, it’s normal, healthy, and developmentally appropriate. Most babies nurse to sleep and wake 1-3 times during the night for the first year or so. Some babies don’t do this, but they are the exception, not the rule. Many children, if given the choice, prefer to nurse to sleep through the second year and beyond. I’ve never seen a convincing reason why mothers shouldn’t use this wonderful tool that we’ve been given.

Does he get plenty of activity when awake in the day?

Now, controversial, but! Unlike many I don't put my 3mo to bed before 11pm (yes I am sure I'm doing it wrong...)
Usually awake 5-7pm plenty of play and kicking around time.
he naps from 8pm on the sofa with me and cluster feeds. Usually I dream feed or get him ready for bed , feed and put down awake, depending on his mood, around 11. I.e. When I go to bed.
He then sleeps through until around 3-5, quick bf, back to sleep then wakes up at 6.30-8ish.
I am going to move bed time forward as he starts to go longer between feeds but for now I prefer night feed to be after 3 otherwise it stuffs me up!

When I put him down in the side sleeper he has always since birth put himself to sleep, however, after his middle night feed will rarely go back in there as well, if I lay him in the bed next to me (in reality only six inches closer to me than when in the cot) he goes to sleep instantly.
Maybe he needs to be closer to you?
Have you tried swaddling, or a different cot/bed/basket ? Maybe he doesn't like what he is in?

Ps what about music instead of white noise. Spotify has nice piano lullabies

I've had a similar problem with my 3 mo after visiting family for a week with long car journey. From what I understand, the less sleep they have the less they are able to settle themselves to sleep. Also babies under 1yo have a natural 'awake' cycle lasting 90mins as you have found during the day. So you have a little window of time every 90mins when they should be easier to settle. The only thing that helped was devoting 5 days to his naps. No idea if this is practical for you but for 5 days I let him nap on me and I rocked/sang/jiggled/fed him to sleep every 90mins through the day. You could also try putting them in baby carrier or driving around? Whatever helps them sleep. We left the house as little as possible to keep to this schedule. It took 2-3 days to notice any improvement but he is much better now. Still only sleeps in cot for morning naps and then I normally let him nap on me in afternoon but night times are much better.

I would also second what's been said about babies sometimes looking very awake when they're actually still sleeping-mine can be fidgeting, have eyes open, sometimes cries or makes noises but if I repeat rocking etc I can often get him back to sleep for a bit longer. Hang in there, hope it improves soon!