sleep problems 8 months

[MadeForThis]

Hi
My DD is almost 9 months old and ebf. She has always been fed to sleep although DH can rock her to sleep. Until 4 months she was in a Moses basket and woke every 2 or 3 hours of a feed which I could handle.

At 4 months we moved her to a cot and everything fell apart. Although the we had some good nights, maybe 2 or 3, she began to wake every 45 mins. Sometimes she would wake as soon as she was put down and this could go on until 2 or 3 in the morning when I would crack and take her into bed with me. This lasted for 6 weeks, I was a zombie. Tired, snappy, crying at night. It couldn't go on so I began to keep her in bed from the start of the night.

Fast forward to now, she sleeps in our bed every night. She feeds throughout the night. More sucky than hungry, it's defiantly a comfort thing. But she needs me to be there. If she wakes up and I'm not there she cries and won't settle. I'm only ever away at the toilet or getting a drink. She constantly puts her arm out while she is sleeping to check that I'm there. This in itself isn't the end of the world but it's soo restrictive.
We can't go out at night for a meal because no one could settle her, although to be honest we haven't tried.

I would love to be able to have what everyone else seems to have, a baby you can put to bed at 7 and go downstairs and enjoy a some couple time.

She is supposed to start nursery in September and I've no idea how she will nap without being fed to sleep and me beside her.

My best friend is getting married in October and we are supposed to be staying that night in a hotel.

I've always said that I would never let her cry it out. And I don't like the idea of controlled crying. I can't even imagine that it would work. She is so stubborn that I think she would just keep crying. I would hate her to be that distressed.

I was happy with the co sleeping and imagined moving her to a cot when she was old enough to explain that we are next door etc. But speaking to the nursery has made me worry that I'm hurting her by not teaching her to sleep by herself.

Has anyone been in this situation and what would you advise?

I could keep doing this but how would she nap in the 3 days I'm at work?

We have family who would love to look after her while we were at the wedding but it wouldn't be fair on them or her to leave a baby who can't sleep alone.

Do we try some small version of controlled crying?

I'm really lost here. My DH will support whatever I'm happy with. If I'm honest he thinks that controlled crying never hurt us and that most people do it.

It's really upsetting me that I could be hurting DD by not teaching her to sleep without me.

[Fomalhaut]

If she's tips when you come back in (ds doesn't) then give it a try. Ten mins probably isn't long enough.
Cc is worth trying - it just doesn't work for everyone

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Oh I've never left thst long! I did 2 mins a couple of times,then 3, then 4, sometimes doing them more than once!

The longest stretch I've ever got to was 5 mins!

Mist of the people here and in RL who have done it have found that if they stick with it, 2, 3 days and its done. DD woke after 6 hpurs I think it was the first night, but only took 1 reassurance for her to sleep again til 6, one wake the second night and then third onwards she just slept through, and if she did wake she didn't cry, just settled herself back down. I posted it in chat which I regret, or I could have shared my post with you!

[Fomalhaut]

We put him down sleepy, left the room, he cried, we came back in at 2/4/6 mins. He screamed, got very upset, we kept going back in every few minutes, he just got worse.
In the end we picked him up but he took hours to calm down even with us rocking him. It was pretty grim :(

[MadeForThis]

I like the sound of that much better. We can keep going in every 2 mins and if she calms quickly stretch it out to 4 mins. 10 mins sounded incredibly long.

I suppose we will know pretty soon if she is calming down and it might work. 2 mins sounds bearable.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

I agree, I couldn't face leaving her long so kept repeating 2 mins, then 3, then 4 lol!

If she'd have been hysterical I would have stopped but she was more cross than sad and it really didn't last long, I think she was as relieved as me not to have to keep checking I was there all the time!

The nicest part is when she wakes up and calls for me in the morning, I love walking into her room to see her beaming litthe face!