PRACTICAL CO SLEEPING ADVICE ( but please, no pissy judgemental replies needed)

[CeeCee00]

My DD is 5 months old and is currently sleeping in a sidecar arrangement in a grobag. I'm EBF with no plans to stop. She was full term, healthy and I don't drink or smoke. I'm well researched on the dangers as well as the benefits of co-sleeping and will follow the rules to a T. I instinctively feel that the best place for her is next to me.

She's getting too big for her Next to Me crib and I'm either going to convert a cot and attach it to my side of the bed or just bring her onto my side of the bed which will be flush to the wall.

Whilst I know all of rules available...I'm still a little unsure of practicalities such as bedding, clothing etc...

Can I keep her in a grobag or will she be too hot with my body heat?

How am I supposed to stay warm if I'm only half under covers?

Blankets or duvet pushed right down?

Do you sleep with a nightlight on?

I'm looking to fill in the gaps of how to do this sensibly and safely. I'd love to hear your positive experiences and tips please?

Also - and this is the only but I'm unsure of - is it really unsafe for her if my husband who is on the other side to me has had a few drinks? Not taking about steaming drunk, but a couple of bottles of beer with dinner for instance. He doesn't smoke.

I've got my bed pushed against 2 walls with a bed guard on the remaining side. I think you need a mattress protector once baby can move especially if you're not using a bag. DS has a bag when its cooler. He moves around loads now so towels only worked for me when he was small. We've co-slept since he was a few months old with no probs. He's 22 months now.

I leave the landing light on with the door slightly open.

I write this co sleeping with twins!

I got rid of the duvet, instead sleep in pjs or a onesie and use a sleeping bag or blanket. I make sure my pillow is tucked away from baby and my arm is outstretched, knees tucked up below baby's legs, however I stay very still when I sleep.

Neither me nor Dh drink, smoke, take prescription drugs when co sleeping. Our mattress does not sag and laying next to baby does not cause baby to roll - iyswim!

I currently use a night light but didn't with Ds. Our room is pretty warm, in summer baby's are in baby grows, when it's cold gro bags. Ds was a very warm baby so just a nappy plus gro bag.

Ds transition into a bed at 2 was easy, interestingly he doesn't play in bed when he wakes up, just looks at books until his gro clock turns to day.

Oh yes a towel to protect the mattress. Gro bag to stop them moving around! Ds was very excited to see his gro bag each evening, he would kick his legs and laugh - guess it signalled the start of the evening buffet

I coslept with both of mine. We had a full-sized sidecar cot, although DC2 would only sleep when touching me, so in his case he tended to stay on my bed.

The baby would be dressed in sleepwear and go in a grobag. I had a single duvet wrapped around me at waist level and a warm cardigan for my upper body, and slept with a pillow. The baby was between my arm and my waist, roughly, so out of the way of the pillow.

DP was on the other side, so he could drink alcohol. I restricted alcohol to lunchtime. I slept with the lights out, but that's just personal preference.

Mine both slept in the middle of Dh and I. It felt safest.
We have a large super king size bed. Pillows moved right to edge. Duvet on bottom half, thin sheet on top. The first 8 months they slept in a pod like the sleepyhead so cocooned safely

Thank you so much for all the useful advice.

My daughter lost it last night - waking up every hour, crying, trapped wind, the works. At 4am I decided there was no time like the present, kicked my OH out of bed to give us tons of space and brought her in to properly sleep with me. It worked a treat - she slept until 7.20 as opposed to her normal waking time of 5.30-6am. Maybe she'd worn herself out but I like to think it's because she was super secure with me!

Anyway, I feel much more confident and am settling down to another night with her in bed with me. She's currently in the sidecar crib but I'll move her after her next feed.

You're all peaches, cheers!

Great to hear you've gone for it OP and that it went well! It's the natural thing to do for sure and totally the norm in most of the world. Ive been co sleeping with DS since he grew out of the sidecar crib and became a disastrous sleeper about 5 months. We do pyjamas only for DS as he always kicks a blanket off and a light duvet for us, house is very warm though. We also have the mattess on the floor as he sleep crawls all over the place, which is another reason we co sleep so he doesn't hurt himself in the night. I always wake up when he romps off and can settle him straight back down in 5 minutes, more sleep all round 😄😄

Big kingsize bed. Ds between me and dh. We have separate duvets and sleep with them tucked so that ds can't get tangled.
Clothing depends on the weather. During v hot nights he just has a best and we have a sheet. When colder a grobag, we just play it by ear.
Mattress protector is a must! Neither of us really drink. I don't at all and dh v rarely. The times he's had a night out he sleeps on the sofa and we build a wall of rolled up duvet under the sheet on his side.,
Hoping to get ds into his cot before he crawls but I think co sleeping is pretty safe if done correctly

Why shouldn't babies be up by your head? I've not heard that one before.

I'm also surprised by the recommendations to sleep with one arm out, is that standard? Once used to having DD in bed I would no more have rolled over her than rolled out of bed, you get used to your boundaries.

Admittedly I didn't cosleep with DD until she was gone 1, so we were a bit more casual about it. But I thought I'd done my research in prep for DS so surprised not to have come across those points.

Yes, the arm outstretched point it a standard recommendation. Rolling on to a baby in the newborn sleep deprived fog does sometimes happen. Also, in the early days of cosleeping it helps with the adjustment. It's just another cautious measure to try to make it all safer.

Not having the baby by your head is to keep them away from pillows. Western beds are not great for cosleeping so it's another way of trying to reduce the risk.

I coslept differently with each of mine and I know lots of people who have done it differently again. Do what works for you and keep your baby safe how you feel best.

I found them up high better as then only their feet at our face level so less likely to squash and can use duvet easier. Pillows were right out the way anyway as used small square pillows each as either side of bed so huge gap in middle

Baby's mouth at around mother's nipple level tends to be the standard (and safest) area of the bed for the baby.

Jasper - mine co slept with Dh and I. Is co sleeping with the father not actually recommended then? Where is baby supposed to sleep when mother isn't there? Surely it's mean to make them sleep alone when used to sleeping with people

It's that breastfeeding mothers sleep in a different way to everyone else, although if they start off breastfeeding and then switch to formula they keep on behaving in the same way, and drugs and alcohol can over-ride the different sort of sleep. So fathers, other caregivers and mothers who haven't breastfed tend to sleep more deeply, and have sleep cycles that aren't in synch with the baby's, and also tend not to automatically make the C shape around the baby while sleeping, so it tends to be a bit riskier.

Last time I checked, no-one had worked out whether the breastfeeding sleep was something that could be reproduced in a different way by people who didn't breastfeed. And I can't find the link, but I'm pretty sure I remember from elsewhere that it also doesn't work with a grandmother who has breastfed in the past.

It's one of those things where the level of risk depends on the circumstances. Cot next to the parent's bed is the least risky, but that didn't work for us do we didn't do it.

www.isisonline.org.uk/hcp/where_babies_sleep/parents_bed/how_parents_bedshare/bedsharing_and_nonbreastfeeders/

I've co slept with both and loved it. Little one always fell asleep feeding and I often did to (would feed lying down on my side). To keep warm I wore a big fleecy dressing gown instead of using a duvet. And just a little blanket of DC. I always felt baby was safe and it's such a lovely comforting way for them to sleep. Enjoy! Ooh and both are now great sleeper in their own beds so don't worry about creating a rod for your own back or anything like that.

With ds I was so petrified of SIDS that he never Co slept. Ds was only 19 months when dd was born and I just went with the 'most sleep now' option! We co slept every night for the first month or so then gradually she settled better in her crib and now her cot, however she still ends up in our bed at some point in the night/early morning. She was a full term, bf, healthy baby girl in a non smoking house with appropriate bedding so I deemed any increased risk to be absolutely tiny and worth all of the extra sleep.
I put her in a gro bag and kept the covers around my waist. I wore a fleece and slept in a c shape around her. Dp has usually slept with us too although he didn't for the first month when it was all night. She sleeps in between us.

It's interesting whet you say about bf jasper- if I ever have a drink I sleep in the spare room (same goes for dp) and dp has always been fine Co sleeping with her. I used to sleep with my sister's children when they were little and I had them over night too, it was the only thing they were used to.

The SIDS warnings do scare the bejesus out of everyone.

I eventually calmed down and observed that our mattress surface was almost identical to her cot. My husband was in the spare room so I had the whole double bed with her right in the middle.

As for duvet, because it was just me in the bed I could lay it over me diagonally so I had at least a warm back and legs and there was less danger of some of it flopping over baby.

I never felt I would roll on her as I always slept with my arm stretched out and her head at breast height on the mattress.

One thing I found useful was a small cellular blanket folded in half, rolled up and secured at each end with a hair band. It made a sturdy but breathable sausage shape that I propped behind her back when feeding which also provided a handy arm rest so I wouldn't squish her with my arm. I just removed it when done and rolled her a little onto her back.

Do what you have to do for everyone to get enough sleep. Also don't forget that it's not all or nothing. You can try some of the night in a cot and some of the night with you.