Desperate for my 3yo to sleep!!

[sleepdeprived666]

I am a young lone parent to a brilliant 3yo lg. Due to our current financial situation (I work part time in an incredibly low paid job, but hey ho) we are sleeping in my parents spare bedroom. So far we've been making it work, but for the past 2 months or so bedtime has become a battle which often ends with mummy crying and lg awake until gone 10pm. We go into our room at around 7pm and sit on her bed and read stories, usually one each, before getting comfortable. I then tell her 'time for sleep now' and read her one last story. It was always then when she would fall asleep, 15-20 minutes max. These days as soon as the story finishes she has whispered one sided conversations, recites the alphabet, whispers songs, you name it. I've tried ignoring her and waiting it out but she would go on for hours. I've tried calmly but forcefully saying "its bedtime" but that guarantees screaming, shouting, kicking, slapping, spitting and a whole host of horrendous behaviours she never shows any other time. I have also reluctantly tried bribing and blackmailing when all else has failed, to no effect. The only thing I've not tried is leaving her to fall asleep by herself. I've always enjoyed spending the time with her at bedtime and I would hate to give that time up but I'm running out of options!
Sorry for the awfully long post but I'm desperate for some advice!

Sounds like she's after attention?

Maybe with the lighter nights she isn't as tired and more reluctant to go to sleep when it's so bright outside?

If I were you, I would get a black out blind or something over your bedroom curtains to make it darker.

Do you give her a bedtime bath? Could you do that maybe? Start the bedtime routine half an hour later?

Plenty of outdoor fun in the day too. Fresh air knocks mine out cold....eventually!

Chin-up . dc all go through these phases. My 3 year old plays up too atm, but I think it's the lighter nights tbh

I think the lighter nights are definitely not helping! I have a very strict daytime and evening routine which we've had in place for the past 12 months. She is in nursery 3 days a week, home at 5.30, tea, bath, pjs, a jigsaw or board game and then she gives her goodnight kisses and goes off to pick her bedtime story. The days she isn't in nursery I try very hard to stick to that same routine.

I think she could very well be after the attention, I know I struggle to give it to her through the evening after long days in work and with mountains of things to get done for the next day. And she gets a good laugh out of me getting cross with her when she refuses to go to bed.

I feel like my only real option is to just put her to bed and leave her to fall asleep by herself, I just wish that wasn't the case because our one on one time is so rare between work and sharing the house with nanny and grandad

X

I'll try anything! Baby massage sounds like it could actually be something worth trying, she has always calmed down and almost zoned out when I stroke or tickle certain areas.

I think a walk could be beneficial, somehow she's still a bundle of energy coming home from 9hour days in nursery and 6.30am starts!

I've thought about adjusting bedtime until she's worn out completely, it just worries me that some days we have to be up and out of the house before 7 to get to nursery so she's waking at 6 and if her bedtime was much later she wouldn't get enough sleep. I suppose anything would be an improvement on 10pm!

Thank you for your advice, definitely given me easier options to consider!

X

Grandparents used to pick up earlier, which was a great help. I just worry I ask too much of them. They have her of a Tuesday while I'm in work as they are both off so it saves me about £60 a week in nursery fees.

I know they would never say no if I asked, its just difficult to not feel as though I'm asking them to do too much

X

What are you doing in her bedroom, it's obviously disturbing her. Read story and then out. Go downstairs and let her go to sleep. Or am I missing something major here?

My son can be like this, similar age. I lie there and pretend to be asleep, he then tends to follow.

Pollyputthekettleon- The point I've made several times is that I don't want to just leave her to go to sleep. That's never how I've done in and for three years its not been a problem. I doubt I'm disturbing her by sitting with her and having a little cuddle.
The problem seems to be that she can't switch off, that's why I try to wind down from early on, but its not working and I don't know what else to do.
Its not as simple as 'read story and out'.

OP whether it's what you've done before or not children grow and their needs change. A 3 yr old is far too old to not be disturbed by their favourite adult in the room when they are supposed to be relaxing and going to sleep. What age will you keep doing this until? I know it's not what you want to hear but I think you are being unfair to her by not letting her go to sleep in peace.

Pollyputthekettleon- Thank you for taking the time to give me some advice, ill be sure to bear it in mind.
X

Thank you! I really was starting to worry id made an awful decision to do bedtimes this way. I feel id be far more unfair to leave a three year old to go to sleep by herself when I know my dd and I know it would leave her anxious and upset. Who in their right mind would put their child through that for an extra half hour in front of the telly? I'll sit with her all night if it means her last thoughts when she's falling asleep aren't sad or worrisome ones!

Obviously this isn't going to last forever, I suspect it wont be long at all before she wants to go to bed by herself and all I get is a kiss and hug goodnight and she goes off to bed on her own, so it might be selfish but I want to spend this time with her while I can. I posted for some friendly advice on how to make this a nicer time for both of us, not how to put an end to it.

Thank you for your help VocationalGoat, this weekend I think ill start with a play in the garden before bath time to burn off that last energy before a bath and ill definitely be picking up some oils to try the massage.

I think I will ask my parents to pick dd up from nursery an hour or so earlier, my mum knows I'm having a bit of a tough time with bedtimes so I know she'd be happy to help me. Just have to get over feeling like I ask too much!

Thank you!
X

I was just trying to help the OP. I was also going to add that it is a delicate balance of different things and different personalities. But fundamentally my opinion is that most 3 yr olds will struggle to sleep with a parent sitting waiting with them.

Good luck op. I am sure you are an excellent parent and never meant to imply otherwise. I personally think (and you did ask opinions) that your child will settle better without you in the room.

Oh and Vocational, you seem to know it all too. But in your case I guess it's just 'advice'.

Thank you Polly. I think it was just as you said, not what I wanted to hear. Nevertheless, I do appreciate your advice. I would just like to feel as though I've exhausted all my other options before leaving her, probably for my own selfish reasons as much as for dd's benefit (not saying that's right but its one of those things).
Thanks
X

Hi there,
My first ever post and just wanted to give my virtual sympathy..totally with you, I'm single mum back with parents and almost 3 yr old who has never slept more than about a three hour stretch. Was coming on here thinking about posting and saw yours..once she's asleep I feel I can cope but it's getting pretty desperate up til then and tbh it's nice to know I'm not alone. Not much help I know xx