Two children, waking very early and wanting mummy at night - help!!

[Letmebeme1]

Sorry in advance if long post but I can't carry on like this and hope someone can show me the way..

I have two boys DS1 (4.5yr) and DS2 (2yr). Both share bedroom, DS2 is still in cot.

Their routine.
5pm dinner
6pm bath
6.45-7.15 cbbc + supper DS1 cereal DS2 milk
Upstairs by 7.30, brush teeth, story, bed

Usually go to sleep by 8pm but often I need to be in the room (sometims it is easier with DS2, when the older who wants stories and cuddles until he drops off but other days is opposite and DS2 will not let me out of the bedroom - every bedtime is different)

I am the one putting boys to bed almost every day - DH is working most of evenings and although I have an au pair at home I do bedtime on my own as I am trying to put both boys to bed at similar time and they share bedroom.

So bedtime can be a struggle. Tonight for example I left DS1 downstairs watching telly when I tried to settle DS2, but he would not stop crying when I left him. So I had to get DS1 up as it was getting to 8pm. DS2 screaming his head off, I started reading another story and DS1 just fallen asleep. DS2 still not and when I say night night starts to scream again. I am sat quietly in their room typing this and DS2 just checks on me now and again if I am still here!

I rarely have full nights sleep. If DS2 sleeps all night he will be up between 4.30-5.30 and I can not settle him back to sleep. Often he will wake up I. The night and because I don't want DS1 to wake up I will take younger to bed with me. Occasionally I will use spare bedroom - if DS1 is already in our bed or DH needs a rest as he got in from work late.

Both boys if they wake up in the night only settle if I take them to my bed with me or lie down next to them. They don't want my DH, it actually makes things worse if he wants to take them.

I work full time but over 4 days and flexible with location - I travel a lot in a week, usually 2 days London and on average 1 day a week at home. So really boys see me 3-4 days out of 7, which is not bad I think. I have a senior role and I will start struggling soon if I don't get my sleep back. Often I am up at 4.30, in car by 6.30 and 2h drive to London, back home around 7pm. Long days.

When I am not around they seem to be better, and they let someone else settle them. I am going to be away for 4 nights with work in about 4weeks. I am dreading it.

Both boys are very active and we do lots of outdoor things, I noticed they really tired at the times and I wonder if that takes its toll. DS2 had his birthday party last wknd and it took them both 4days to recover..

DS 2 naps max 2h (we wake him up if more) DS1 does not nap but if v tired can fall asleep 6pm after dinner

Any advice what I am doing wrong / how to improve? Ideally I would like them to at least sleep until 6-7, and very little broken nights but I lost all my hope that this will ever happen...😟

If you have a spare room, could the boys have a bedroom each instead of sharing?

We have grandparents staying twice each week so can not give up spare bedroom really. Do you think this is a problem, them sharing?

I think they're overtired and need to be in bed earlier, definitely the younger one. I understand this is tricky as youre working but could they not be in bed at 6.45 and ready for a cuddle/kiss from you then sleep.

I would also stop the tv and go through to their bedroom with lights dim for quiet stories.

Definitely aim for both in bed for 7 pm and you go cold turkey on staying with them.

Super nanny style ! Story for both, then night night, lights out and leave.

I went to sleep clinic with my 2.5 year old it was so bad, basically she said same routine every night, make sure they're full (supper) don't drag bedtime out too long and put a baby gate on the door.

Thanks iguess# I may change the routine as per your suggestion and give it few days to see how that would work I am at home with them tomorrow and will try to change

I do think they have a pretty busy lives and they just want to play constantly.

Pretty# I am seriously considering getting some expert in to help me! We have baby gate on but DS1 can easily open. I must say our bedtime routings is probably way too long and drags a bit

Do you think this is a problem, them sharing

I would go for the 'Divide and Concur' route for solving this, if it was me. Ideally separate rooms. I'd even consider bringing the cot back into the corner of my bedroom.

Fate# do you mean deal with them separately? How can I do that if I am on my own? Different bedtimes?

I would be have a very stern word with ds1 if he opened the baby gate.

We kind of had this when we had dd, ds regressed and started waking up earlier than the new born !! It just turned into a discipline issue where he would get up and he was told to stay in his room, he would then bang the door against the wall to get my attention.

I had to tell him off and he did just learn that mummy was cross if he got up really really early.

I would say grandparents stay twice a week. Children stay seven nights a week.

I'm sorry but the seperate rooms should be investigated. Can grandparents not stay downstairs or you stay downstairs and give up your room.

Their routine.
5pm dinner
6pm bath
6.45-7.15 cbbc + supper DS1 cereal DS2 milk
Upstairs by 7.30, brush teeth, story, bed

I would change this to
5.30 dinner
6.15 bath
THEN

6.30 dc1 set up with a quiet activity on your bed,
6.30 dc2 on dc1's bed for one story, a quick cuddle/kiss and then into bed.
6.45 dc1 stories in your room and then into his bed.

OR

6.30 both kids on to your bed, 2 stories and then into their beds, quick cuddle and kiss then light out and you leave the room.

Fate# do you mean deal with them separately?

I meant separate rooms.

If sharing is meaning they sleep poorly then they need separate rooms. Do grandparents stay to provide childcare, if so that could be tricky.

Are they napping during the day? This could be a culprit.

Pretty# I can imagine my DS1 would cry constantly if I told him to stay in his room and possibly wake up DS2. But I will try to be very firm - I think I am too soft..

Jellie# Fate# we can not give up this bedroom entirely but now I am thinking to move cot in there for some time..

Iguess# I really like your suggestion of a routine and spending some time in other beds before settling down. That's the one to try tomorrow!

Thank you all!

Ladies do your children watch telly at some point during the day?

Welllll I think you should try it ! I have 3 in one bedroom, we put the baby in with our two who were 7 and 4 at the time, the 4 year old did find it hard to be quiet at first but she learnt.

Oh and yes our watch tv, probably an hour or so