Wtf is wrong with my son?

[TychosNose]

2yo. Last night had around 6 hours of broken sleep. About an hour 8:30-930pm, awake until after 1, then woke again for half an hour at 3ish then up at 6ish.

This was a particularly bad night but he's always bad. Occasionally sleeps for 3 hours but usually up every 1 or 2 hours.

He's running around the house happy as Larry and I'm on my knees.

How is he doing this?

I don't expect any answers, just need to tell someone else how shit my life is since I probably won't speak to another adult today.

I oust do a few things:

1. put his matress on floor. No cot or bed yet so he can't fall off and hurt himself if messing around.

2. remove anything from his room that would cause harm like small pieces, or that he can break like books from ripping. Take most toys out but leave some boring quiet ones like hard back books/ teddies/ large toy figure etc. Enough he can play with but not trash the room

3. add stair gate to door

Then at bedtime take him up like usual and settle into bed. Read two stories. Once finished you at goodnight. Tuck in and leave.

If he gets back up, you say it's bedtime but if he isn't tired he can play quietly with his toys alone then go to bed when tired. Leave him.

Then as long as he is actually playing and not screaming or crying I would leave him however long it takes. If he falls asleep on floor you can lift him in bed later. At first it will be novelty so he might try playing ages, but soon he will likely sleep quicker.

That's way he isn't asleep but neither him or you are stressed about it. You can get on with evening. If he wakes at night repeat the same. If he isn't tired he can get a book or teddies etc and play on him mattress, but you go back to bed.

Thank you for your similar stories. And lots of sympathy to others going through the torture too.

There is no way ds would be contained by a stairgate! That would be yet another danger. He's very tall and agile. His room really has hardly anything in it but he'd climb onto the window sills if left locked in. His bed is a futon so not much danger there. I just don't see how I could leave him alone without possible injury. There is no way he could be moved once asleep. If a cat sneezes at the he other and of the street it wakes him. Even as a newborn he couldn't be moved without waking. It's like he's missing the sleep gene.

I am depressed but as my gp says, and I agree, no amount of drugs will make up for extreme sleep deprivation. And yes to personality changing. I am a shadow of my former self. I used to be bubbly and sociable. Now I am a total recluse.

I do have a husband but he's at work a lot. He tries to give me breaks when he can at the weekends but he's not well himself so it's hard.

I did talk to ds last night. I said, very seriously "mummy is so tired she feels like she's going to die. Please go to sleep." And lots of whispered expletives. Good job his language is delayed because it'd be atrocious given what he's exposed to. Poor little mite.

Get a dog stair gate!

Honestly, he's two. He might be able to climb, but if bed is away from window etc he can't climb up there. If he can you need to look asap for locks for it and a window guard

Mine slept well ( sorry), but I couldn't have spent my life watching them constantly as toddlers. They need somewhere safe to be left if they won't settle. Otherwise how do you also shower? And you can't be sleeping well even when you do if terrified constantly he will escape somehow.

Can you bring his bed into your room otherwise and close the door at night. Again leave boring toys near him and dim nightlight. That way you can doze still at night if he's awake as you know he's safe

I chuckled at the stair gate suggestions too - my non sleeper also climbed before he could walk (I had to remove the shelves from book shelves all over the house and all furniture except the low cot bed at the opposite end of the room to the window, and small toy boxes, from his room before he turned 1, I also removed the curtains from his room as he climbed them and just had a suction cup black out blind which couldn't do harm when pulled down, and stair gates also had to come down before 18 months as climbing over them at the top of the stairs is more dangerous than them not being there).

People also suggested co-sleeping to me, but my non sleeper was/ is such a restless light sleeper and also so intensely tactile and always wanted to sleep actually on top of my head, and with his arms inside my sleeves or to play with my nose or ears in my sleep - it really was just as intolerable as being woken hourly by him shouting for me or appearing at the side of my bed with his face 1 cm from mine...

Wow I am glad those days are over! It always made me so mad when people would say "Well yes we sometimes have a little one turn up in our bed at 5am too, you're not the only one who doesn't get a full night's sleep" I even got angry when I saw posts on here from people who were "exhausted" because their kid slept for 10 straight hours but then got up and went to the loo at 5am and they couldn't get back to sleep, and they couldn't possibly go to bed a bit earlier as they needed their solid 5 hours of child free time after putting the kids to bed FFS 5am is morning anyway, stop whinging

We didn't have a language delay to factor in though - do you think he understands you (generally, even if so far not so much about you needing sleep even if he doesn't think he needs it)? Hopefully he will understand soon...

A dog stair gate made for a boarder collie might work :o

Agree about making his room safe though.

Good luck OP.

I've got a cool photo of DC3 climbing a door frame at 2 - I guess it would out me though :o

So he's in a bed? Could you not put him back in a cot, then he can't get out and there's less temptation. My 2.7 year old is still in a cot as I know she'd be up and roaming. Then bed at 7 or whatever you prefer after the bath, story etc amd leave him for a bit to settle.

Sorry, just saw he's on a futon. Mattress on the floor and nothing in the room to distract?

How do I shower? Yes good question. Many days I don't! Sometimes ds will watch tv with dd for a few minutes. Sometimes I take him in with me.

schwab you get it! you know that French guy who climbs the Eiffel Tower without ropes (or something like that- might have dreamt it) well that's ds in a few years. The fucker's really coordinated and strong. I can't make his room any safer. I have considered a padded cell and a straight jacket.

I do 'sleep' in his room with him so if he does get up I nearly always wake up with him. He did sneak out once and dh found him running round the house at midnight.

Tycho massive sympathy it's HELL. I still feel a kind of weird shocked state when I think back to it like PTSD!

Might as well try stopping him sleeping in day and then to bed earlier.

And know it will end, if you can hang in and be brave.

Can you find ways to look after yourself, other than sleep? Just small, manageable things. I started doing 15-min meditations with headphones which helped me.

Good luck

it won't help to say your cynical tales of horror have made me laugh
it's the way you tell 'em
in future, a humorous semi/autobiographical book might get you a bit of dosh to compensate

My dd was the same, up four or five times, At 2 years I was still waiting for her to fall asleep, I tried all sorts. In the end I engaged a sleep expert and changed how we approached it. Made a big difference. I can send you the book and DVD if you want. Dd is now three and goes down with no real arguments and stays in bed until around 5:30. We use the gro clock and bribery to keep her there until 6.

I think you need to sleep in another room. Maybe he sees you and knows he can wake you up so he's not self settling? I think it'll be hard at first but better in the long term for both of you. I agree with the pp who said baby gate or homemade higher wooden board that fits across the door.

I think if we survive I'll have no recollection of these years. My memory is fucked.

I agree that not sleeping with him might help but I'm still not sure about leaving him alone for long periods. Maybe I'll set up a bed just outside his bedroom door. I think I tried that before but I can't remember what happened.

Glad I made you laugh. Sometimes I make myself laugh and I can't stop. The kids join in. It's like therapy. I think they call it laughter yoga or something. Supposed to be good for you. I'd like to meditate. I think that would be useful too. I used to do deep breathing because it's supposed to be restorative like sleep.

ratbag what book did you follow? Maybe we need a whole new approach.

Tbh I'm not sure I'm up for sleep training. I'm basically planning my own death most of the time. Not really in the right place for a challenge.

Sorry cosmic contained in a cot would be fab but he's never ever slept in a cot and he's been able to climb out since he was about 10 months. I used to put him in while I had a shower but once he could climb out it wasn't safe. They should make lids for cots.

Turn the cot upside down? only partially joking as dd was the same
Certainly I wouldn't sleep in the same room, you're too 'available'. With dd it was high door gate, not speaking and returning her to her bed ad infinitum over a week, that cracked it (I was 35 weeks pregnant and absolutely desperate).

Chicken wire over the cot? (Kidding, kidding...honestly...)
I think mines going to be a climber - 7 months old and he screams of you put him down sitting. He's strong enough to pull himself up to standing from lying under his baby gym. We are going to have to weld the furniture to the walls.
I'm depressed too. I'm trying to learn the language of the country I moved to and it's just not going in. I'm an educated person who normally picks things up pretty quick and I'm just incapable of functioning right now. I don't think people believe me when I tell them how little I'm sleeping. A few weeks back I actually passed out for 45mins - it cannot be good for you.

I really feel for you tycho- feel free to pm me if you ever fancy a rant

Have you ruled out reflux (or heartburn as you'd think of it for adults)?

Does he snore or breath through his mouth? He could have sleep apnoea.

I took DC2 to London when non sleeper DC3 was 2, and DH didn't wake when DC3 did but woke feeling something was wrong and found him outside in the garden in the middle of the night shouting for me. The front door was locked but the back door which is basically a full length window wasn't window locked... It had never been an issue before as I'd always woken when DC3 shouted.

Zaurak sounds really stressful. Poor you.

Don't know how one would rule out things like reflux or sleep apnoea. Paediatrician said he's fine (saw her for something unrelated and took the opportunity to quiz her on sleep). Reckons some kids just don't sleep and when I've had enough I should just leave him to cio. She certainly didn't think it was worth investigating medical causes of wakefulness. I think probably seeing a priest for an exorcism would be a better approach.

Finding your kid in the garden in the middle of the night sounds scary. I'll be double checking our doors.

You could ask again just to get physical causes ruled out. Confession time: I'm a shit sleeper too. So bad I've had sleep clinic investigators for apnea, epilepsy and narcolepsy 😳 They found nothing, just remarked that I was very, very bad at staying asleep (no shit Sherlock!)
It's well worth seeing the doc to rule out any easily fixable physical causes. Of course there may be nothing but if it is reflux for example it's fairly easy to treat. A sleep clinic referral can rule out apnea. Be pushy.
We tried cc (not cio) and it didn't work. If anything it made him even more clingy.
If it's any consolation at all, my midwife assures me that crap sleepers are often very bright (I think this may be another of her comforting myths like 'hard pregnancy, easy baby' but I'm holding on to it.)

When he's a sullen teenager staying in bed until noon in going to sidle in next to him at the crack of dawn and shove my fingers up his nose ...

My son has always been a terrible sleeper, hourly waking from 0 to 10 months old then we just let him sleep with us in our bed (he is 20 months old) now we all get some half decent sleep most nights

Have you tried him in with you..?

Most kids look to leave parents bed with no fuss around 3/4 years old