How do I bond with my baby

[tayden79]

Hello
I'm new to this
My LO is nearly 10 weeks old. Having had him a few weeks early LO ended up in NNatal for two weeks. I was on adrenalin for those two weeks. At the unit everyday pretty much all day.

LO came home and every thing fine but then discovered reflux. Countless visits to gp and hospital. Finally prescribed special milk and gaviscon. Seems OK.

My thing now is I don't know how to be a mom. My life is not my own and I'm so overwhelmed with it all. When he cries it's so frustrating. I get angry and question my mothering capabilities. I can't cope with the crying. When LO wants milk it's got to be there right away. Changing LO bum more crying. Put LO in bouncer doesn't like it. I question do I love this child? What have I done? Why isn't this easy?

I feel sad crying anxious sleep deprived I can't even enjoy this experience. How do I bond? How do o grow to love LO. People say when you hold them for the first time there is a rush of love- where is my rush of love?

I want to fast forward 6 months so that it gets easier. People say these are the best times doesn't feel like it to me.

Does not get easier?

Anyone else experienced this or experiencing this thank you

AJ279 how do you prepare your pepti I'm following the tin but it's so much hard work?

Thanks for all the messages it's good to know I'm not alone I have so much respect for mothers it truly is hard

I've got the perfect prep now which is amazing. If you don't want to get one though you could always put the powder in with 2oz of boiling water and fill up to 8oz with 6oz of cooled boiled water. Or whatever you use-4oz do 1oz boiling and 3oz cooled.

Thanks AJ279
I might have to invest in one of the perfect prep because this aptamil is a nightmare. Atm I'm using a flask

Your post just sounds identical to the one I wrote at the same time! I eventually was diagnosed with PND and given anti-depressants (still on them now at 6 months). No one talks about how hard this stage is but everyone does struggle, it's SO overwhelming, and if you don't get that bond then you have all the guilt as well. It does get better but it's awful when it goes on. Just forget about everything but yourself and the baby, don't do housework or anything, just have cuddles and if you're both alive at the end of the day - then you've done your job!

Re reflux - gaviscon didn't work for us and made baby VERY constipated. Ranitidine was amazing, took 2 weeks to kick in properly which were tough, but no symptoms of reflux since then and he's still on it now. It makes it even harder when baby isn't well.

You're doing an amazing job, don't forget that. X

Thanks everyone my username has changed from tayden79 to isobel79

Noof thank you. What you've said about ignoring everything else apart from me and baby is exactly what my mom said yesterday.
I am on antidepressants but have been on them pre pregnancy for other issues. However I think post pregnancy I think maybe I need to look at different tactics. The dose I'm taking don't seem to be doing much so ita a case of sorting myself out.
Your words have been so uplifting. I'm gonna reintroduce the omeprazole and see if that helps LO. I didn't really give it enough time to work the last time I used it so maybe I need to give it more time. If that don't work I'll suggest the other to my doctor. I just hate seeing LO in so much distress after a feed it's so upsetting.

I too could have written your post word for word. My DS was born 35 weeks in scbu for 3 weeks. Terrible time pumping not latching travelling back and forth. Came home silent reflux and suspected cmpi been through most medications last thing to try is neocate milk. He doesn't sleep on his back at all and I am petrified of him sleeping any other way we survive on 4 hours sleep a night in shifts myself snd DH haven't Slept in same bed for weeks. Throw into the mix my dd who is 4. She hates me and I am tired ratty with her. I can safely say I hate my life st the moment I have now freedom not enough time to shower and wash sometimes. My only saving grace is I have hired a stretch wrap so I can now at least get up and sbout in dsy rather then stuck with a miserable uncomfortable baby on the sofa.

Sorry to hear of your situation Onthedowns. I purchased a movement monitor the other day purely because my LO won't sleep on his back or side. Now I put LO on his tum and he seems to sleep better but because of the reflux he can still be quite unsettled.

I have felt the same about my life. I've gone from an independent woman who wired 9-5 and could do what I want when I want and now I'm a mom and have completely lost my way.

I wasn't prepared for motherhood and no one tell you what motherhood is like. My LO was a surprise but I truly believe everything happens for a reason and he is a blessing.

However I thought having LO life would be rosy. I didn't expect LO to be in neonatal and then to be suffering reflux. I didn't even know what reflux was until he had it.

It makes my life a misery and I can imagine it must be horrendous for my little one.

I understand your frustration and anger trust me I'm there now. My OH lives miles away and so doesn't come down often. My support has been my mom and sister and I now realise how hard it is to be a mother and a mother with a child who it 100%.

I doubt your 4yo hates you and probably just sees your frustration. I'm sure tour a great mom who is trying to do the best for two children.

I had a counselling session this morning which seemed to help

I'm gonna try and take my own advice and say keep your chin up!!!

It's very hard isibek79 I try and get out most days even for a walk or mooch about town just to break day up. My DH is s little help but still manages to play football etc. Because DS was premature I had no time to prelate so it feels worse! Reflux is awful! We had it with dd and didn't think we would be unlucky enough to have two children it! Pleased that counselling is fling something

My little one was on ranitidine, omeprozole and gaviscon
Nothing worked but by six mo the all reflux was gone

Months!

I am hoping my DS does to as nothing is working! Dd was 80% better with meds and milk. Him no improvement it's doing me in I am not sleeping as he will only sleep upright! To scared to put him on side and he doesn't like tummy

My son has silent reflux. We tried Gaviscon but as he was breastfed, he found it ready traumatic to take and started having nightmares so we got Omeprazole. It really helped but took well over a week before it had an effect. He also hated that and spat some of it out so, when he reached 4 months I spoke to the HV about giving it in a 1/4 tsp apple puree, which she said wasn't ideal but ok as long as he didn't drop any of his breast feeds a couple of weeks later, he learnt to sit unsupported and suddenly life seemed so much better as he felt better being upright and I could leave him sitting while I went to get something rather than lying flat which brought in his reflux and made him scream.

I think you will find your wrap a godsend too and really helpful for bonding. Mine made me feel like I was pregnant again! I had a woven one rather than a stretchy and he would sleep so well in it and went on my back as soon as he could sit, so I could get on with whatever I needed too. Maybe something to try if your baby is still refluxy when you return the stretchy one.

Oh, and now he is weaned and is a real greedy guts for both solid food and milk, he is so much better! Hope yours will be too!

Thanks for the replies. I have started little one back on omeprazole today and I pray it kicks in and works if not I'm at a loss

Fingers crossed it works! I think differing levels of reflux means different outcomes for people. My DS is uncomfortable even being upright sometimes , won't sleep comfortably in his bouncer etc. It's trial and error I feel unlucky that I have another refluxer who is worse than first. But it's hard bonding with a miserable screaming baby! A wrap or stretchy wrap might help it's the only way I get some things done and u have my hands free!