Baby who refuses to sleep - now 14 months old.

[TS123]

DS is now 14 months and I'm reaching the end of my tether with him and his sleeplessness. I always thought he'd outgrow it. As an infant he napped for 30 minutes and wake up screaming. Now his longest naps are just over an hour and some days he'll only nap once. He's exhausted by 5 pm and it's a struggle to keep him awake past 6:30pm. Then he's up at 5:00-5:30 and won't go back to sleep no matter what (always has done). Last night he slept very poorly -- cried and cried and finally slept at 7:30pm and woke at 5:20am. Now, I'm trying to put him down for a nap and he's howling in his cot. I am so tired of seeing him so cranky and tired. I'm tired of struggling to keep him awake for dinner, I'm tired of hearing everyone tell me he looks so tired ("is he due for a nap?" they ask- when he's just had one). I've tried Weissbluth philosophy of a very early bedtime, I've tried Ferber's philosophy of sticking to a strict nap schedule and bedtime. NOTHING WORKS!! I put up with a fair bit of protest crying from DS and am quite persistent with naps and bedtime, yet my child is always so tired no matter what I do. Is this just him? or am I really the failure of a mother that I feel I am?

hey you are most emphatically not a failure of a mother, not by a very looooooooooooong chalk. i believe that the only real failure is a failure to try and you are clearly doing the best that you can by your little boy. if anyone tells you that again just tell them to go away (as politely {or not} as you want -or ask them and how many children have you reared exactly?) because they clearly can't remember what life is like with a little toddler. you are doing fine sweetheart. how many naps a day do you try to get him to have? could you have a word with your hv?x

ts123 - your not a failure - you're doing the best for your LO.

My kids never sleep &it's a tough time. Be kind to yourself and find ways to make things easier for you so you can cope with little sleep.

I found accepting the situation was easier than fighting it. Things will get better.

Perhaps try no naps & see how he manages. He might just need a short nap whilst you're driving or walking.

best wishes xxx

By 10 mos, DS only had one nap.

Could you try a later nap, a later bedtime, then maybe he wake later.

I know it will be tricky to start with but just try moving everything on a bit.

Also, if you are trying any particular 'method' then you really must stick to it.

Hi TS - would echo that it's very hard work and that you're not a failure.

My DD also only napped for 30 mins at a time when she was younger (now 11 months). Since she started walking (last week!) she has been napping much better, as she is getting herself so worn out practising her new skill. Is your ds walking yet?

My dd also only has one nap each day. I believe that it's often around 1 that they tend to switch to this. If you are trying to get him to have 2, then maybe he isn't quite tired enough for the first. Perhaps try giving him lunch reasonably early, and then putting him down for a nap just afterwards.

You say that you are struggling to keep him awake past 6:30, but he is knackered by 5pm. Others might disagree, but I would say put him down for a nap at 5 if that is when he is tired, but just let him have 30-40 mins. We had to do this with dd for a while just before she switched to 1 nap, so maybe your ds is in the transitional phase himself. You could then put him to bed a little later (dd goes at 8) and most likely he will get up later. Until this week dd only slept for 10 hours at night - this was simply enough for her - not all babies do the mythical 12 hours a night!

Overtired babies generally sleep much worse at night than well rested babies, so by struggling to keep him up later he is probably getting past the point at which he would sleep.

Thank you all. Reading your messages made tears come to my eyes. You are all kind and encouraging. I'm so emotional when I'm tired and also I'm pregnant. I have tried one nap at noon but it's a real stretch to get him there since he's up really early. He'll nap for 1 hour, then he's really tired about 2 hours later. I kept this up for 2 weeks and it was taking it's toll on him as his night sleep worsened. I then started keeping him up later at night, which resulted in a slightly later morning wake-up and a short morning nap. Now he can make it to 1 - 1:30pm before napping again. I have been sticking with this schedule religiously for 3 weeks now and it seemed to be working. Then 2 days ago, things got bad again. He's so tired by 5pm despite napping at 1:30 for almost one hour (I assume he sleeps when he's so quiet in his cot - maybe he's not sleeping). Then he's been wired by bedtime (which has been 7pm or 7:15 on the new schedule). He's been up 2 -3 times per night crying and I think it's because he's overtired. To answer some of your questions: - he won't nap at 5pm, even in the pushchair, despite being tired. He has been walking and learning to stand up on his own, which has only made things more challenging since he doesn't seem to want to lie down in his cot. If anything, he's resisting sleep more now than when he wasn't walking. I used to think this was a sleep schedule problem but now after trying different things (each for over 2 weeks straight) I'm thinking he's just a very alert child who will always resist sleep with all of his might. It just makes life more challenging for me and I have to be that much more resolved and stubborn myself I suppose. Thank you again for your support.

does sound like he's an alert child. could be that with learning to walk so well he's pushing himself to learn fast. Could be good as soon he'll be tired from running around all day.

I remember a scene from the desparate housewives tv prog when the mum with twins has them digging trenches to tire them out!

Best wishes and congrats on your preg xxx

totally agree with canstarvewillstarve - let him nap (if he will) at 5ish and then put him to bed around 8ish. good luck