afraid cosleeping has become a bad habit

[skerriesmum]

This might get a bit long...
Basically I am in two minds about cosleeping. Nearly every night my ds, 15 mos, goes down about 8 no problem in his cot, but then wakes about 3 or 4 am looking to get into bed with me; then we sleep until 6 or 7 at the latest. The three of us tried cosleeping but dh is a light sleeper and ds is very active and was kicking him, so we generally sleep separately during the week, I take ds out of his cot when he yells and into the guest bed with me. At weekends dh and I sleep together and take turns putting ds back down (with lots of protesting!) or sleeping with him again. I don't want this to continue forever and I'm afraid if we don't stop soon he'll never sleep on his own, especially once he's no longer in a cot and can wander into different rooms. But I do love snuggling with my little boy and there is nothing sweeter than his wee hands patting my face, or his giggles next to me in the morning! I think it would be great though to go away for the weekend without ds, my mil has offered to mind him, but obviously not anytime soon. Would love to know who has conquered this, if there are other threads with similar topics point me in the right direction!

we were in exaclty the same position...dont worry there is light at the end of the tunnel!

when i was near the end of pregnancy number 2 we decided to get it sorted out before baby was born. i would be feeding new baby in bed so ds would have to sleep else where.

loads of threads on this...will try to find the one where i gave my story.

have a look at this old thread

its really long.
my bits are under gloworm and irishmammy.

cant remember if it mentions co sleeping...but is basically about getting them to sleep in their own bed.

remember it was really hard...kept saying "just one more night, we'll start the new regime tomorow". its always tempting to stick with the co-sleeping another night as you crave the sleep so much!
you just have to pick a day to change and stick to it.

good luck!

Skerriesmum...

You are not alone - this happens alot!

have to say though, that your ds is probably quite confused, as some nights when he cries you pick him up and go to sleep with him, and other nights hes put back to bed.

You say he protests alot at w/e when you put him back to bed on his own. This is because he doesnt really know what going on. He's thinking ' hang on - normally if I cry I get to be with Mummy, that hasnt worked, maybe I need to cry more' You need to be consistent , which ever method of sleep you choose.

I suspect it'll be hard work , but you'll be able to sleep with your dh every night again!

Agree with everyone else. Be consistent then he will know that bedtime is bedtime for the whole night. We had to do this a few times with ds1 when he was a toddler,. Now 4 and sometimes he will get out of bed at 4 to get in with us and I will take him back and tuck him in and he will drift of to sleep. If he is scared, e.g. nightmare or night terror then I will sit at the end of his bed or get in and give him a reassuring cuddle till he goes back to sleep. But you are not alone your son is at that age where most little ones do this. It will be tough and tireing to begin with controlled crying, but after a few days I bet he would have mastered it. Good luck.

Yes, I agree that consistency is extremely important, whichever way you go. Good luck!

I agree with consistency too
once he is sleeping better he can always come in for a cuddle at 7.00am if you miss that time together... maybe have the curtains drawn back so it is definately daytime

Thanks for all the comments, it helps to know I'm not the only one! I thought once I'd weaned him he'd stop waking, but sometimes it's actually worse. Last night he woke at 1:00 and again at 3:00, dh put him back in the cot, it took about 15 minutes each time to settle him, rubbing his back. I don't think we'll leave him to cry, but stay until he falls asleep, for now anyway. Will report on how we get on!

I love co-sleeping.

For some reason, it is always seen as a negative ('tempting' to contiue makes it sound as if it is a bad thing to do). My dd is now 29 months and sleeps some of the night in her own bed, some with us. She sleeps in with my mum if she stays there the night. ds is 9 months and sleeps with me all night.

I have never done controlled crying, got dd to go into her own bed by lying with her, sitting with her, standing by her and gradually moving further and further away each couple of nights when she was 18 months. To be honest, I now look back on the times we snuggled in bed together and miss them, she has grown up so fast.

Clayhead,

It must be lovely to snuggle up with your little ones! I hope you don't mind me asking but does it not affect your relationship with dh/p?

As lovely as it must be, I would worry that I would be missing out on 'adult time' IYKWIM.

Well, from Day 1 (bad colic) are dd co-slept with us, and to be honest we loved it for a while (up until age 2ish) ds arrived and we used to put him straight in his cot.

Looking back, I feel we should have been more strict (even though it was lovely) with dd, because now at the age of 6, she is still a complete nightmare to go to sleep, we still have to lie with her. whereas ds(4), all we have to do is read him a story and walk out the room, by the time we check on him 5 mins later he has gone to sleep.

We do however, when they wake up in the morning 7.30ish have them in bed with us, so we can all wake up properly together.

dd cosleeps with us some nights other nights she goes to sleep in her bed after a story I thinkit is lovely to co sleep and tbh the only oth eroption was controled crying which made us all sad.

I agree with clayhead. We coslept with ds and are doing the same with dd. People always assume it's someting we want to stop and that it affects our relationship. I've ever understood that theory. There are plenty of places in the house you can have sex!
I dont find it embarrassing and never saw it as a problem.
I can though see why if you think it is a problem then it becomes a problem. To us it was the right thing to do but of course it wont suit everyone.

Ermm, well we had ds so we must have found time somewhere! Agree with hercules, sex doesn't necessarily happen in bed/in the evening. Also, dh works shifts so we're used to not sleeping together. This has prompted a discussion between us and he says he has found co-sleeping with dd & ds one of the most unexpected pleasures of parenting; it wasn't something we planned, it just happened that way and now we're glad it did!

Also agree with hercules that, like everything, it wouldn't suit everyone.

I have mentioned before that I co-slept with ds till he was 3. Co-sleeping doesn't mean that your child will never sleep on their own as they do want their own bed eventually. ds used to sleep part of the night on his own towards the end and it didn't seem to confuse him. I think it does help that they spend some time in thier own bed. Currently co-sleeping with dd (25 months) and I think she may be a bit more resistant to her own bed when the time comes.

Oh and I found the kicking does seem to decrease as they get older.

I think lots of families cosleep but don't let on... if we had a king bed or something maybe we'd keep doing it, but really we're all more comfortable in our own beds!

We have a super king size. Not sure how you could do it with a double!

Ds still comes in with us. He starts off in his own bed but wakes up any time from 10.00 to 4 am. As soon as he wakes, he comes into our bed and goes back to sleep. I dont mind it really, dh and I get our time together before ds comes in, then we all snuggle up quite happily. I am a very light sleeper and generally dont sleep that well with ds in bed but I still enjoy him being there.

skerriesmum, I completely agree that most people don't let on. TBH I did at first but was so stung by people's reactions that I don't tell anyone in RL now.

Also agree about the bed, as soon as we decided co-sleeping was for us we got a super kingsize bed, which is brilliant.

Exactly! Like it's so shameful. My brother in law (now 21) used to sleep on and off with his mum until he was 12! I couldn't face that... my father in law was often away on business, but still!

No way would I have ds (8) in with me. He tried it a couple of times but was swiftly sent back to his own bed.

i am biased but i find its lovely to co sleep! the other night ds turned over in his sleep as i was going to bed, put his little cheek on mine, and said mummy...i love you! says it when awake too but there was just something about him saying it while asleep.

We also like it as working full time.

Good point hercules, dh says exactly the same; sometimes he works shifts from 7:30am to 10pm so he doesn't see dd & ds awake but gets to snuggle up with them anyway.

Well, just an update, last evening he woke at 11 and roared for about half an hour, dh put him back down and he slept till 6:30! Fingers crossed for a good night tonight.