Every night is different

[ChannelFiftySeven]

I posted here a couple of weeks ago but am still really struggling. I just don't know what to do or where to turn.

My baby just will not settle into a pattern of any sorts at night. Every night is a lottery and I hate that I can't work out what is going on.

I go to bed at 8pm every night because I just can't know whether my daughter will have a good night (waking once at 2 to feed) or a bad night (waking at 10,12,2,3,4,5). If it's a good night, I've gone to bed too early so am sat awake even when she's gone back off to sleep.

I'm starting to really resent not having a life in the evenings and I just cry constantly when I'm awake in the night. I don't know what to do.

I've heard everything - she'll settle at 12 weeks, 11lbs is the magic weight, 4 and a half months she'll start to self soothe, when you start her on solids she'll sleep, she'll wear herself out once she's crawling. I used to have hope about getting to these milestones but now I just stop listening. Nothing changes.

I know I am coming across as very negative and defeated but that's how I feel. I'm so fucking tired and I'm so angry and sad at myself because it means I'm not enjoying my baby in the day anymore.

How old is she? My second was like this but now at 13months we have finally cracked it through a mix of less naps and a lot more food in the day esp the few hrs before bed.
Sorry you're finding it hard its awful when you're right in it.

She's just over 6 months. I started her on fruit and veg at 5 months and started weaning her properly 2 weeks ago. I am trying to get her to eat more but it's tough going. She has the maximum amount of recommended formula and sometimes goes over this with a night feed. I feel like I'm failing her but I can't see a way out of it all.

Congratulations on getting your 2nd to sleep well! I bet you feel amazing :)

Yh its great when it happens - finally!

Does your hate to be spoon fed? Our is like that so never really got enough food. I'm not in the UK but you can get a type of thickened milk here which is great for the last geed before bed if you can get similar. And weirdly feeding in diff ways so stuff you can jab on a fork for her or get a doll to feed her, chopsticks etc helps get food into ours as she forgets his much she must feed herself.

On the coping I tried to do stuff when awake a nigh like watch something or read a.book etc so I had some time to myself. And just took some evenings to be an adult and napped the next day if needed while OH had the kids. Could you try that?

She actually doesn't mind being fed. She loves food and seems to enjoy most things I give her. She will eat until she's turning her face away and reusing but then still has all her formula throughout the day as well! Maybe I will see about trying different foods / ways to feed her.

There are thicker milks over here but it has taken us an absolute age finding s formula that suits her so I don't really want to switch again.

Thank you for your suggestions. I'm sure I will feel more positive when it's day time. I just hate the relentlessness of the nights. I hate myself because I get so frustrated and almost resent my daughter. Then I well up and cry because I'm being so heartless and cruel. She's only tiny and doesn't know any different

Does she get constipated easily Tha was a prob with ours when she was young?
She needed water top.ups to keep things moving and had to be very careful what foods we gave her. Still catches us out now tbh.

But mostly id get out without your baby and do something for yourself better still if you can have an evening with your partner.

Its a hard phase but eventually it ends and they start terrible twos

Yes she does get constipated easily. When I offer her water with her solid food she absolutely loves it!

She woke at 2 this morning and instead of feeding I thought I'd just try water. She drank 2oz but just wouldn't settle so I had to feed in the end.

I'll keep at it. Thank you for the support.

Really keep on top of the water constipation seemed to affect sleep a night or two before we saw a problem ifyswim.

Oh an go easy with bananas - lovely easy baby food but it also makes them constipated.

It really does get better, try and give yourself a break from it though

How does she sleep through the day?
If she's not having decent naps that could affect her night sleep.

I really struggle with her sleep in the day. She just doesn't seem to want to nap at all. I make sure that I don't leave her for more than 2 - 2.5 hours before trying to put her down. It's often before then but she fights and fights it. If she does go down for a nap she lasts 40-50 minutes unless I'm sleeping next to her.

I've asked for advice on this before as well and I've tried very hard but nothing seems to work. I watch her wake herself up! It's as if her body and brain are shattered but she just won't let herself sleep.

Most days she gets 3 x 30-50 minute naps a day. I know for a fact she should have a last cat nap at around. 4:30 and she will never go down for this one.

It's so disheartening because I've read what feels like everything online about it, tried to implement things and nothing changes.

When you say she wakes herself do you mean by moving around?
We put ours back in a crib around that age as it worked like swaddling and made her lie stiller rather than constantly trying to roll herself.

Sorry I mean that she'll be very drowsy - eyes rolling, limbs limp etc - but at the last moment she kind of jolts herself awake and smiles. She so needs the sleep but just won't allow herself to, it seems.

She never liked being swaddled - I tried a lot when she was teeny. She doesn't like being tucked in blankets in the pram or anything either. She is always moving, always looking around, evaluating things. It exhausts me just watching her.

To make things even worse she fell off the bed this morning so I feel like even more of a terrible parent. She is fine but she bloody howled I know it's because I'm tired and not being as vigilant. Poor little mite - I just keep thinking how unlucky she is to have me as a mum.

Sorry, I understood you didn't mean to swaddle her now. That was just a thought from me - she didn't like being swaddled when little so not sure she needs that closeness...she is in her cot in her own room. Because some nights she will go from 7-2am and then 2:30-6:30 a.m it makes me think it can't be anything like her environment...