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Original poster

Help please. Still struggling.

54 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 17/02/2016 17:38

I have posted a number of times. Still struggling. Thats putting it mildly. Ds is 7mo next week. He has slept one 6hrs and some 4gr stretches ever. Usually 2-3hrs. Doesn't nap. Has napped alone (after me tentatively putting him down) dorm 20minutes a handful of times, and the bizarre 6hrs.

I feel like I am failing at every aspect of my life atm. That sounds dramatic i know but i am doing nothing well. When he's awake i am trying to get stuff done and feel like somea days i spend the day moving him from one place to the next while i hurriedly wash up, have a bath etc. I can't do anything while he nap because he doesn't. He sleeps in the car but it now takes a good 20minutes to fall asleep by which time we have got to wherever we are going. Or the Pram. I just wish i could get him to sleep, put him in his pram and relax for an hour. I have bought the no cry sleep solution book but can't bloody read it.

He's a lovely happy boy and i feel like I am fucking it all up. I go back to work in April and i feel like my maternity leave has been a series of me not helping him sleep. Still feeds every 2 hrs at night.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 17/02/2016 22:00

Purple - he steadfastly refuses a bottle too. I have been in tears with the naps most days this past 10days. But he does eat!!! His nights have been even worse since he started eating....

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Purpleboa · 17/02/2016 22:39

Yeah someone assured me that DD would sleep better once she started eating. Rubbish! She's massively constipated at the moment so think she is suffering from that. There's always something...

Vocational Goat, thank you. And wow - 3?? I plan for 2 - tbh I'm almost not sure about having another one because if no 2 is a bad sleeper, I fear it will finish me. I'm heading fast towards 40 so not a young parent.

What gets me is that I do love being her mum. I love playing with her and being with her. If she would sleep, life would be pretty damn good. I think people whose babies sleep through regularly have no idea how lucky they are. I try not to resent them but it's so hard not to.

On out fourth wake up here. This is ridiculous.

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 18/02/2016 04:51

Ds keeps waking growing and squire.ing then has a poo usually followed by another 10minutes of groaning loudly and a second poo. And is then (now) wide awake. He's not constipated , poo very wet as usual. But obviously in some discomfort.

Pretty sure i won't be doing cc or cio. Not sure i could stand it and certain my husband won't.

Really just want the naps sorted. I feel nighttime sleep Will follow on from that.

Tonight he has woken to be fed twice so far, and this second time was followed by the poos. I am fine with that. He went to bed a bit later after his late nap so wondering if that is the way forward. In which case my husband is going to have to pull his finger out and actually do something in the evening.

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Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 18/02/2016 04:53

So hard to explain to my husband how i feel. It feels like i am moaning about the baby which i am.not. Its just such a personal thing and so frustrating when i can't get him to sleep.

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HisBowtieIsReallyACamera · 18/02/2016 07:23

Maybe try gently breaking the feed to sleep association? I just gradually increased the gap between feeding and sleep. So at first, bath-story-feed-burp gently to wake-into cot. Then work up to changing order so it's bath-feed-story-into cot. I set a time limit for the last feed too - 10 minutes each side, enough to satisfy hunger but discourage comfort sucking! Once he got the hang of going to bed awake and settling by himself he slept much better at night. Then I just picked set nap times - I think 10am and 2pm - and tried to establish a routine there (feed, story, nap). But I did have to use CC a bit for naps at first, although you could try gradual retreat or pick up put down?

HisBowtieIsReallyACamera · 18/02/2016 07:24

The reason I tackled nights first was partially so I'd get more sleep so I'd have more energy to put into sorting naps!

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 18/02/2016 07:58

The going to bed routine is the only thing that works at the moment. I just can't bear the thought of changing it.

Re the naps. What if i put him.in his cot at 9.30 and he cries/doesn't sleep for half an hour?

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HisBowtieIsReallyACamera · 18/02/2016 10:28

Well, that's another reason I did bedtime first! Because you can be certain he is tired, and it doesn't matter how long it takes, going to sleep is the only option. Plus, if you already have a routine in place, I think it will be easier to convince him to self settle at night.

For naps, I just decided they were going to happen, no matter what. Took about 40 mins the first couple of times I think but quickly went down to either 5 minutes of grumbling/crying or 10 minutes of singing/talking. I did find it difficult but I knew he was crying because he was tired and he needed to sleep more.

Good luck Thanks

FreeButtonBee · 18/02/2016 13:43

Hmmm, I don't keep doing if there is a massive fight the napping but mainly because I can't leave my toddlers for too long! If he is no getting calmer after 30 mins, then I'd take a break, feed (I a bright room, don't let him fall asleep) or play or distract. Then try again. But some people do just keep going. I find that i get too frustrated which doesn't help them sleep!

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 18/02/2016 14:17

Thanks everyone. He slept for nearly an hour in husband pram earlier as we went out and he was well wrapped up. I am going to wait til i have a stretch of at least a week and tackle the naps first.

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HisBowtieIsReallyACamera · 18/02/2016 15:24

Well I'll admit I only did the keep on going with my first. DS2 gets 15 minutes to fall asleep or we give up, can't leave a 3 year old unsupervised for too long!

Coconut0il · 18/02/2016 20:39

My DS2 is 6 months and has never had a nap in his cot or moses basket. He has his daytime naps either on my lap, I get water, snacks and the remote and just feed him to sleep or in the pushchair. He will only sleep if it's moving and will wake if I bring him in the house so I keep walking till he's had about an hour.
I enjoy the cuddles and try not to worry about the housework but every so often when I just want a bath or to wash my hair I wrap him up and DP walks him with strict instructions to not come back for at least an hour.
You are doing better than me as DS2 has never spent a night in his cot either. He's always here next to meSmile DS1 was the same and he just grew out of it.

HelenF35 · 18/02/2016 20:53

We use Ginas schedule more or less.

Up 7/7.30
Bottle 7oz
Breakfast 8
Nap 9.30 40 mins
Snack 10.30
Lunch 11.50
Nap 12.30 2 hours
Bottle 7oz 2/2.30 ish
Snack 3.00.

4.00 nap if less than 1.5 hours last nap 30 mins maximum
Dinner 4.45
Bath? 6.00
Story? 6.15
Bottle 6.20 7oz
Bed 6.30

My son is 7.5 months old and has always been a bad sleeper. We've had massive improvements since we started using this schedule. Although he has been coming into our bed at around 1-2am but he's then sleeping till 5 or 6. He never did more than 2 hours before!

HelenF35 · 18/02/2016 21:01

I might add that he has recently been weaned from breast to bottle due to the fact that he's spent the last three months biting the crap out of me. He wasn't sleeping any better when we changed him to formula though, it's only since we started the routine.

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 19/02/2016 18:49

Ds hasn't spent a night in his cot either, but he does go to bed in it at bedtime and sleeps for 2-3 hrs. The plan is that i feed when he wakes up and put him back for the next stretch but i regularly just keep him in bed as he started waking after 40-60 minutes.

I have started reading No cry sleep solution and have to say i feel encouraged. I am going to try it. I Will work on naps but i can't leave him to cry. I never have and i hate to think how he would feel if i did now.

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HisBowtieIsReallyACamera · 19/02/2016 20:33

The waking after 40 minutes thing is one sleep cycle then not being able to self settle when he stirs. It's why naps are short too.

I think you should try putting him down awake at bedtime, he might surprise you by settling on his own without too much fuss. If you have other sleep cues like sleeping bag on, story, comfort blanket then I bet he knows it's bedtime Smile

As soon as I started putting DS1 down awake at night, he started sleeping longer stretches and was night-weaned not long after - even though I still bf during the day til he was over a year old.

Coconut0il · 19/02/2016 20:41

Glad you feel encouraged by it notta. I could never leave either of mine to cry either. If I had tried to put them down awake both would have ended up in tears. DS1 is 12 now and DS2 is 6 months. I'm not worried about DS2 being in my bed as DS1 just grew out of it. It's only a problem if you're unhappy.

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 20/02/2016 19:07

Oh i have tried putting him down awake. He doesn't go to sleep. He never has, in all the times i have tried. Tis is why i feed him to sleep then try to put him down.

Although i have discovered that on the occasions that he wakes when i put him down (tried shushing, patting, hand on chest, just leaving, all sorts) if i flip him onto his front he sleeps immediately. I then spend the next three hours checking on him..........surely its ok for him to be on his front at almost 7 months? He has put himself on his front before.

I am going to try the advice in the no cry sleep solution though i have to say its the lack of napping that bothers me most. I don't mind him in bed with me. Id like him to wake less but i would love him to nap in his cot.

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HisBowtieIsReallyACamera · 20/02/2016 21:53

I think 7 months is probably old enough to sleep on his front, if he can roll over himself - I can't remember when either of mine started but it is how they both prefer to sleep now.

Good luck with the No Cry Sleep Solution - I bet when you get naps working, he will also start sleeping better at night. You don't have to move him to a cot just because he sleeps through though, you can enjoy a full night's sleep and co-sleeping cuddles at the same time if you want Wink

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 21/02/2016 10:19

I realise i am wearing about with what i plan to do. It is the napping that's the main issue for me but i think if i try the sleep solution stuff we may get to a regular wake up/bedtime which can only help. I do think he needs less sleep than most though. Yesterday he woke at 7.45 and fell asleep in his pram at 11.50. Today woke at 6, asleep in(after much protest) at 10. So not sure how successful i would be trying for a nap 2-3 hrs after waking.

I do think he needs less

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BumWad · 21/02/2016 11:35

Notta when my DS reflux flares up he is only comfortable sleeping on his front.
Mis reflux was well controlled until o started weaning, i then had a horrific 2-3 months which has now touch wood settled down (he is 9 months old/7 months corrected).

Could it be something he is eating? For example I can't give DS prunes, apples, anything by cow and gate etc.

Just a thought

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 21/02/2016 11:48

I think its because he likes being snuggled into something. I don't think he has reflux. And he Will sleep on his back on my lap, just wakes when i move him.

Anyway.......still asleep!! I am laying on the bed with him and he did stir after 40minutes but i had to boob ready and he went straight back off.

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Nan0second · 21/02/2016 20:23

Try sticking a blanket over the car seat when you want him to sleep in the car. (Like a parrot!) it's the only thing that works with my DD!

Original poster
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/02/2016 09:12

He slept through!!! i think....

11.30 - 6. Woop !

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Nan0second · 22/02/2016 09:16

Wow. Lovely