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Did your baby ever go through a phase of not feeding to sleep?

36 replies

Effiethemonster · 10/02/2016 20:33

My dd is 3 months and hasn't fed to sleep for ages, it's really thrown me and I've been struggling to get her to sleep ever since. I'm looking for uplifting stories of the ability to feed to sleep returning!!

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Effiethemonster · 12/02/2016 22:11

Fucked up today, so tired of wearing the sling so took her for a walk in the pram hoping it would get her a good long nap, walked pretty much non stop for 2 hours and she slept for 20 mins, she's been an overtired mess and nothing would get her off to sleep this evening so I've put the bloody sling on. Am I going to have to sleep in it? I'm so fed up I can't get her to sleep, nothing works twice, every time I think I've cracked it it goes tits up. I'm so so tired. When will it get better?

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FATEdestiny · 13/02/2016 10:36

It will get better when you and she find a way to get her to sleep that you are both happy with. Then using that method to maximise everyone's sleep. Following your baby's lead is usually the easiest way to reach this point, rather than enforcing what you want baby to do. Then once sleep is good you start 'tinkering' it to more suit when/how you prefer.

All this focus on sleep, could she be needing an increase in calories?

I don't mean in the single feed immediately before the nap, I mean cumulative over the whole 24 hour day, or over the week. My DDs milk intake went up by 25% around 3 to 4 months old - a massive amount that meant more regular feeds and bigger feeds.

Effiethemonster · 13/02/2016 11:00

It's so unpredictable though, nothing seems to work twice. She's had long naps in the pram before so I thought that would work but 20 mins in 2 hours?! That just messed everything up for the day really.

I guess I am trying to steer it towards what I want in the sense that I don't want to go to bed wearing the sling Grin

But like I said I have been going with that during the day to maximise sleep (apart from yesterday and obviously that was a mistake and I'll learn from that).

I'm breastfeeding and offer her the boob ALOT, mainly to rule out hunger when she cries. I have kind of lost her hunger cues though, she sticks everything in her mouth now and doesn't root anymore.

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FATEdestiny · 13/02/2016 11:32

It's so unpredictable though

The physiology of sleep changes at around 3 or 4 months old. So it is not unusual that nothing that worked in the newborn stage continues to work. The "fourth trimester" (ie the first 13 weeks or so of baby's life) is biologically very unique.

In the first 3 or 4 months of baby's life sleep is passive. It mirrors the way things were in the womb when all needs are met baby will sleep. Then will only wake when a need isn't met (hungry, uncomfortable from a wet nappy, pain from a bowel movement etc) and once that need is met baby will sleep - just like when in your womb.

Baby doesn't need to work at being asleep because it is a passive, no-thought-required state of being. As long as baby has no alternate need, baby will sleep and awake times are brief in the fourth trimester.

From 3 or 4 months old, baby's sleep matures and develops into cycles. Much like adult sleep cycles, sleep will have periods of deep sleep, lighter sleep and brief "environment check" semi-wakes between one sleep cycle and the next. Baby wasn't sleeping in cycles before.

Now is when sleep stops being passive and becomes active. "Getting to sleep" becomes an active process that baby (and by extension parents) have to work at achieving. It is no longer something that 'just happens' as it did in the passive fourth trimester phase. The work needed to get to sleep is also used at those environment check brief wakes between sleep cycles (often the cause of poor sleep in older babies).

It is at this age - 3 or 4 months old - that parents need to start developing sleep associations that will last a long time. Those lovely, easy, long naps of the newborn days become harder. They will come back when baby learns ways to link sleep cycles and go back to sleep when briefly waking. But that does not mean this is a "regression". It isn't. Likewise feeding to sleep is easy in the newborn phase when sleep is passive. Not so when sleep becomes active. That said feeding to sleep can work again (for a time anyway, not forever), but in the context of the matured sleep.

I read lots about people saying the 4 month sleep "regression". It isn't a regression.

A regression suggests that if you do nothing then everything will go back to how it was eventually. This isn't the case. The actual biology of sleep has physically changed and so baby and parents have to change to deal with this change. Understanding the physiology helps understand what is happening.

The quicker parents and babies adapt, the shorter the "regression" (that isn't really a regression) lasts. Some families have sleep habits in place in the fourth trimester that translate smoothly into mature sleep and so they never notice a "regression" at all. Other families cannot easily find ways to adapt to the new mature sleep and so for then the "regression" lasts longer.

I don't know if that is helpful to you or not? I found that understanding the science of the whole sleep situation helped me to understand what was happening better.

ACatCalledFang · 13/02/2016 12:00

Effie, I think your baby and mine must have come off the same production line! DS is very alert and extremely interested in everything; he's been like this since he was born and I have a theory that he may find it harder than some babies to switch off and go to sleep clearly takes after his father.

I have, almost by accident, stumbled across something that worked for him last night, when he had a full tummy but wouldn't go to sleep, and which has just worked for him for a morning nap, which he is taking in his crib (an unprecedented situation if ever there was one).

Don't laugh, but it involves me putting him in his sleeping bag, white noise on (just like at night), then snuggling up next to him - we have a co-sleeper crib - and using one arm to subdue the thrashing and kicking (or to stroke his tummy, depending on how much thrashing is going on) while stroking his head and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on repeat, very quietly. For as long as it takes.

I tried this last night, partly on the basis of having seen a weird head-massage-your-baby-to-sleep clip on Facebook the baby was unusually compliant, partly based on advice here about getting them to fall asleep in the place you want them to sleep, but mainly because he wasn't feeding to sleep and I was getting a bit desperate. Amazingly, it worked in 25 minutes last night, and 15 minutes this morning, without any tears - a little grumbling but that was it. I've tried before to snuggle in the crib with him but what seems to make the difference is head stroking and singing. Might be worth a try if you can get alongside her in her crib/cot?

FATEdestiny · 13/02/2016 14:14

That's sounds like a really snuggly, lovely way for him to fall asleep ACatCalledFang. It doesn't make me laugh ("Don't laugh, but..."), it makes me go awwww Smile

Effiethemonster · 13/02/2016 18:36

Thanks acatcalledfang, interestingly I did managed to calm her quite a bit last night by doing something similar but I couldn't quite get her to sleep.

I just tried the same again and she just got more and more upset. Sad

DH is now rocking her in the pram but I'm so worried I'm gonna have to put the sling on again and I feel like crying.

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Effiethemonster · 13/02/2016 18:41

Oh and fatedestiny it does help to know why this so happening thank you, but doesn't really help me solve it, and the 45 min naps (when it takes forever to settle her for them also) honestly won't cut it when she's up every 2-3 hours at night and wakes up tired.

I'm terrified of her getting overtired because it is horrific so I limit trying most things to half an hour before resorting to the sling. It's the only thing that constantly works, I honestly don't know what I'd do without it, but it's kind of become the bane of my life!!

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Queazy · 13/02/2016 18:50

My ds has reflux and only feeds to sleep about twice a day (so 2 of about 9 feeds). It's killing me. He goes to sleep through jiggling and screaming.

Effiethemonster · 13/02/2016 19:08

Oh queazy I fee your pain, everyone seems to see it as a bad habit but I'm desperate to have it back!! Hope your lo's reflux improves soon.

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SittingDuck2 · 15/02/2016 09:05

Feeding to sleep is returning a little bit for my DD so may for yours. I just wouldn't bank on it. For pram naps, I've learnt from bitter experience to keep expectations low. If you have a safe local park or quiet block of streets you can walk around, do that until she either wakes up or has had a reasonable nap length - ie 1 hour) and then come home. If she wakes mid-walk or when you get home , so be it, you've not lost any time and can go out again later but if she carries on sleeping, it will be an added bonus. It will drive you crazy walking round like this but the benefit is that there are less distractions and noises to keep her awake and you're not too far from home if she wakes up after 20 mins.

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