Toddler does not want to go to sleep

[Leah4]

My 28 month dd, has been quite difficult to settle at bed time over the past week. She is usually a good sleeper and will go to sleep within 5 minutes, but recently, she has started to scream when I put her in her cot, and clings to me. She wants to go into our room and says she wants to sleep with mummy and daddy. I then have to cuddle her and try again after she has calmed down. This goes on for about an hour. I have tried to leave the room, but she has attempted to climb out of the cot. She has a night-light in her room.

She has a cough but is generally quite happy in the day. She did have chicken pox a couple of weeks ago and she did come into our room a few times, when she awoke during the night. This may have caused a pattern. She is also more clingy during the day, and I give her lots of attention and cuddles.

Is there any other ways to get her to sleep in view of wanting to climb out of the cot when left alone? I find it hard leaving her to cry, and her getting so upset. Yet I am also very tired by 9.00pm and when she again awakes in the night for a couple of hours, which has also been happening! Any tips would be appreciated

Hi Leah4
My dd is 2.5 years and she also started playing up at bedtime a few months ago. Again, like yours she's a good sleeper (my second ds is not!) and it seems such a con when they vstart changing again.
Anyway, about 1hour before going to bed we have a little discussion about what we';re about to do and I make her to agree "promise" about the the things that we'll do, we agree them together and then she has to go to bed.
It generally goes like this : ok we're going to watch another 1/2 hour of telly (DVD)- what do you want to watch? ok, and then after that we're going to read 2 books - where do you want to read them - Mummy daddy's bed or on your sofa? and then mummy put you in your bed and you promise no crying? Remember, no crying? Deal?
Admittedly it doesn't always go totally smoothly but reinforcing the fact that she agreed does seem to help.
Oh and the other thing is you ask her if she wants to take anything into the bed with her and that seems to do it - a dvd box, another toy, a piece of lego - I think the object is quite irrelevant, she just wants the last word! Don't we all?

Even the best little sleepers can get out of their good habits when they are ill, or have had bad dreams, but it isn't permanent. Try and see it as a phase.

One thing that can help a lot is lavender oil as it is soothing. A drop by the head of the bed (where they can't roll onto it) is good. And/or some lavender in the post bath massage. (For good recipes see "The Fragrant Pharmacy" book - full of fantastic tips)

What about moving her into her owm bed. Maybe that was what she liked about your room as well. Perhaps she doesn't like the cot anymore and getting a bed with a nice quilt cover that she helps pick would help. You can put a stair gate across the door to stop her wandering round the house if you are worried about that.

we had a similar problem a few months ago, dd is now 3, and we changed our bedtime routine, which used to be a video and milk downstairs and then uostarirs quick cuddle and in the cot.

We chnaged that to having a long wind down time in her bedroom, with a book and cuddles and lullabies, milk and then cot. Sometimes we spend up to an hour doing this, but it saves endless journeys up teh stairs that we used to do.

She will aslo take to bed something different everyday.

Now we don't stick to it as much as we used too, but she seems to ahve learnt tog o to sleep without many problems again!!

Good luck

Hi leah4, Id go with mears and try her own bed, stair gate is a great idea too! As a different approach though and becasue she hasnt been weel, i took DD to a cranial osteopath, not becasue of her reluctance to go to bed and sleep but after one visit she slept like a 'baby'! Apparently it often helps with sleep problems, DD went when she wouldnt eat and she started to eat too! :0

Alternatively, if you're not ready to move her to a bed, how about one of those covers that goes over the top of the cot so that she can't climb out?

Something like this

Thank you all for your tips and comments. Apologies for not replying sooner - I have not been on-line in the evening as I have been trying to catch up with paperwork after dd goes to bed.

I did try the talking tip from OuiOui, and it did help a little. She tells that she does not to go to sleep, and gets quite upset before we even approach the stairs! She still has been crying and standing up when I try to put her in her cot, after I have been cuddling her to she nearly falls asleep, since Wednesday. I then pick her up and have to calm her down. I think she may well be ready for a bigger bed, yet I am reluctant to change her cot at present in case it causes more problems as she can then more easily climb out.

I have used lavender oil for some time now - yet not working at present! I don't want her to get used to being cuddled and then falling asleep on me, although I know it is probably a phase. It is very tiring as her bed time routine took over 1.5hrs yesterday, and then holding a heavy toddler for 30 minutes until she fell asleep!

I would try cc yet she when I have left her to cry she attempts to climb out of the cot, and bangs into it. I think the bed idea may have to be resorted to soon. And the cranial osteopath suggestion is something I will look into this week-end.

Thanks.

My ds is now 3. he has only just, in the last few months, started staying in his bed. I start with a bath, then warm milk, I use johnsons bedtime lotion when he has a 'back tickle' we then go to bed have a story and I leave. He did try and push his luck and get up for the first few days. I just put him back in his bed and left again. He did this three or four times before finally going to sleep. Each day he tried less and less, now he goes no problem. He did regress when he cut the top of his finger off because I stayed with him until he was asleep so he did not take his bandage off but he has gone back to putting himself to sleep.

I've just logged ont o aska questiona bout my sons new sleeping habits and this thread seems to fit the bill, especially your comments rainbow.

Leah4 - I hope things have improved for you and can anyone perhaps offer any more advice for this situation.

Our son, very nearly 3, has always been a great sleeper but just the last few weeks has been taking ages to go to sleep (quite happy left in his room though, not crying just awake) and has been waking up really early.
On sunday morning, for the first time ever, he opened his bedroom door and came into our room first thing in the morning. Tonight, he's gone to bed normal time and we've just spent the last 30 mins putting him to bed only for him to open the door and run out into our bedroom or the bathroom and I then go and get him, take him back to his room and tell him to go to bed/sleep etc. I do this fairly calmly and without making a fuss.
He's finally now stayed in his room and is just talking to himself. HE does have blackout curtains/blinds and the door is shut.

I'm fairly confident that it's just a phase but if anyone recognises the pattern, please do let me know.

thanks all

My dd is a fair bit younger than yours Leah, 19 months. But I went through something very similar a couple of months ago. It was a real shock as she'd previously been a fantastic sleeper and could always settle herself to sleep quite well. It followed a nasty stomach bug and her getting some molars in. I'd been cuddling her to sleep while she was ill and in a matter of days she was no longer prepared to be put in the cot awake but would stand up and call my name and cry her heart out until I went in and cuddled her to sleep again. I wouldn't have minded doing this at bedtime / naptime but it also started happening in the night. It got to her waking 3 times a night and I realised something had to change and although it was a 'phase' in a way, it wasn't going to get better on its own. So I read Richard Ferber and did cc totally by the book and we had 2-3 nights of hell, then things slowly got better. it's a couple of months later now and things are MUCH better though I have to say never as good as they used to be. I think the best way to think about cc if you do consider it is that it's not cruel in the long-term as you'll be helping her to sleep well for the rest of her life rather than having to depend on someone else to help her. Ferber gives a very good argument for it and you can do it pretty gently it really doesn't involve hours of awful screaming if you don't want it to.

Keep us posted!

I give my ds something to distract him as I leave - ie a book to 'read', a musical toy etc. As I am about to go I talk about what we will do in the morning and who will come and get him, and then, just before I leave, say "would you like a book to read in bed?/Your musical toy" and encourage him to choose, then give it and his mind is taken off my leaving. It usually works.