New baby 4 year old struggling with Co sleeping

[littleblackdress26]

Hi I've Co slept with my 4 year old From birth in his room in a double bed until 8 weeks ago when I had another baby. I went into a different room with the baby as I didn't want baby to disturb him and now i Co sleep with her. My 4 year old will come into the bedroom 2/3 times a night at first i used to bring him back into his room but now I gt soo tired and me getting in and out of the bed wakes up baby , so now I just tell him go back to bed which he refuses and he can be in the room for half hr until he goes back sometimes I'll take him back to his bed but not after the second or third time. His teacher has mentioned he is a bit tired at times and lately when I bring him back to his room his has terrible tantrums kicking the door screaming hitting the bed throwing the pillows off etc. I feel guilty because I imagine that he might feel left out or swapped over for the new baby but I thought it was for the best so he can get some sleep but I noticed he can hear her crying through the wall anyway. I asked him what wud make him feel better about being in his room I'd do it up for him etc but he said he just wants me in it :( . I don't really know what to do or what's the best way to go about it any advice would be appreciated. Also when I put him to bed I stay with him until he falls asleep which I probably shouldn't but I feel bad. This week I've given up due to tiredness and just let him come in the bed as well its been quite nice to be honest but I feel like I've undone everything that I was trying to achieve and now I'm just lost I really don't know what I should be doing

Poor little chap, he must feel literally replaced. Are you a lone parent?

You can't go back and cha gw things but I do think that you have effectively replaced your 4 year old. You have co slept with him from birth then as soon as a new baby comes you either get out of bed and sleep elsewhere or tell your son to sleep elsewhere. I really think you should have changed your sleep routine before dc2 was born but you can't now. So that leaves you with a problem. What do you want? To cosleep with both, to have dc1 sleep in their own bed from now on? If it's a) then can you get a bednest so that the baby is in a protected cot but still next to you? If b) what kind of methods do you think you want to use?

Could you sleep in your own bed? DS in his and baby in cot?

I would co-sleep with both for now if possible, and try to work out a more gentle transition into sleeping on his own.

Or send DP in to sleep with him if at all possible.

Could you fit a mattress on your floor for him and then he is in the same room but not in the same bed. You should really have sorted it out before the baby was born as now he feels replaced and not wanted at night.

I would either have your DP (if there is one) sleep with the 4yo and you sleep with the baby.

Or, put the baby in a cot and sleep with the 4yo for the time being, and come up with a more gentle transition for him going to sleep alone and sleeping on his own in bed.

Well no I never wanted to replace him I jusy thought I was doing the right thing for him but I guess not... . Well this week has worked well and we've had much better sleep with him being in with me and I feel better knowing that he's happy and sleeping soundly and i like having both my babies in with me . So I guess now I'm thinking when should I get him back to his bed and how should I go about it .. should i give it a couple months and then try putting him back and what method should I use.

I would let eldest co sleep also tbh. You can't let him sleep with you for 4 years then straight out when baby arrives. Sorry but if that's what you wanted you needed to have started 6 months ago

I would let him sleep one side and baby the other for now. In a few weeks try adding a smaller mattress to the floor next to you. Gradually moving it every few days so it's in the room but not right next to the bed. Eventually encourage his own bed

I coslept with both of mine, in this scenario

Yes I think I will Co sleep with both as well all slept better and thanks Artandco I will try that method.

I've always enjoyed co-sleeping. Never felt ant need to get them in their own beds, until they got too big. Then there really wasn't enough room to get a decent nights sleep. But that does mean they were sleeping with me most nights until aged about 8/9 and 3/4

But of course by that age, its easier to get them in their own beds/rooms

Lagoonablu I do like it It's nice and snuggly! I just hope now that there's two of them they'll go into their room with minimal fuss when the time is right :)

And they probably will. Enjoy it

You could also try the mattress on floor thing near you. But encourage him to fall asleep in his own bed in the evening with stories etc, but reassure him he is welcome to come and sleep on the mattress near you if he needs to during the night

That way he starts in own bed, and over time might gradually increase how long he stays in him own bed. So at first he might come in around midnight, but then gradually later and later until he is in his own bed all night and just joins you in the morning for cuddles

My eldest is almost 6, and he co slept since newborn for ages. Now he sleeps in his own bed until morning 95% of the time, just occasionally joining Dh and I around 3/4am if he wants to. Younger child is almost 5. He comes in more regularly but only from about 4/5am half the week. So half the time he sleeps all night in his bed, half he sleeps 6-8hrs in own bed then joins us.

I co-sleep with my 4.5yo and my 16mo and it works for us. When DS was a newborn and woke up a lot DD slept with DH in the spare room but now that they can sleep together we're putting two large mattresses on the floor and we'll all sleep together.

Thank you Artandco I will try that and booboostwo that sounds lovely!