sleep training a 7 yr old

[thatsthewayitgoes]

My 7 year old refuses to go to sleep unless I sit outside his room. I've decided enough is enough and have left him screaming upstairs. Already had to remove light bulbs from his lights as he refused to turn them off. Wine at the ready.... I can do this....

I agree Lynette- there are many examples of adult sticker charts. My Map My Run app gives me ticks then a trophy for going running! I also have a coffee shop sticker chart in my wallet which will earn me a free coffee when I've offloaded enough pounds to the cause.

My DH gives his 6th formers (selective Public school) and they love them.

Suggesting the behavioural shaping method of building up visual credits for a known reward stops working at 4.5 is ridiculous.

Ridiculous is equating a coffee shop's loyalty card with a child's sticker chart. A loyalty card says "Your coffees here will be cheaper on average if you stick with us, because we'll give you a free one once in a while". A child's sticker chart says "If you behave well for a week, you'll get a treat in the end. If you don't you won't, since you can't go to another 'coffee shop' anyway".

Just the sticker chart would be one thing but OP also sits outside his 7-yr-old's bedroom until he sleeps, gives up her bed when DS comes to sleep in hers and goes to sleep in her DS's bed. All together, it looks like she is trying to solve her DS's problem as if he is 2.

I was this child 30yrs ago and no amount of rewards or punishments would have made any difference. I was inexplicably and horribly anxious at bedtime and hated being alone. My dm made various attempts at solving the problem but in the end I grew out of it. Until then she stayed around while I went to sleep and I often got into bed with her in the night.

Absolutely no underlying issues.

Being punished for feeling sad and upset just made me feel far worse.

I use a to do list and when I have ticked off say 5 items,reward myself with a coffee and a bit of Mumsnet. Not much different from a,sticker chart. I used an on line sticker chart to help my ds with nighttime wetting, not as a reward for being dry, but as a reward for drinking 8 drinks a day, going for a second wee before bedtime. This was recommended by a consultant. These kind of behaviour tools work for children and adults if used correctly.

What time is he going up to bed? Can't you just let him go the same time as 10 year old if he isn't sleeping until 11pm anyway?

My two always fall asleep in same bed together and we move one/ both later on. We also read them to almost sleep most nights. I don't see the issue.

Sorry Cote but I think you are wrong. It's just a behaviour modification technique. In use all over the place in different guises. My coffee shop loyalty card is designed to alter, or influence, my decision making process at the point of available alternatives. A child's sticker chart is designed to do exactly the same thing.

I don't think you are in a position to judge so harshly what the OPs DS needs either. How many professional observations of his behaviours have you made to be so sure?

No need to be sorry, Sister. You can think whatever you want.

I wasn't being harsh on the OP, just giving her the opinion which I thought was what she wanted. She can try it or she can decide to continue the way she has been going. It's all the same to me

We've just been doing some sleep training with nearly 6 year old DS2. He's always needed me and only me to stay with him while he falls asleep and would frequently end up in our bed. The coming into our bed wasn't a big deal as its a huge bed! But I was starting to get frustrated and fed up of sitting in the dark every evening until he was fast asleep as it was taking longer and longer........

We've basically done a kind of controlled leaving, I kiss him, tuck him in and say I'll be back in 5/10/15 minutes, if he's cried I go straight back in. Over about 3 weeks now we've only had about 3 bad nights so it's really working! We don't have any negative consequences though, so if he doesn't sleep that's fine but if he does he gets a treat.

He is the most independent, confident and happy child by day but a switch flicks at bedtime and he has always needed so much more reassurance and physical presence than DS1. He can't verbalise what exactly has made him anxious/scared just that he wants Mummy there and doesn't want to be alone. I could of left him to cry/shout but we really felt that would do more damage and had to wait it out until we were all ready and he was old enough to properly talk about it with.

Bottom line I agree with mumofthemoment whatever you do will fail if he has underlying fears. Hope he gets better at night for you soon op

Guess who went straight to sleep tonight lulling me into a false sense of security no doubt! Fingers and toes tightly crossed.

Thanks to all of you who made helpful suggestions - I do appreciate it x

That's ace!

Spoke too soon. Awake an hour later and came into my bed (I had a bad night the night before so was having an early one). Returned him to bed twice and then gave in and said I'd sit outside door. After about 15 mins he said I could go back to bed. Result! He then came in at 6 this morning as he thought id called him to come in (he must have been dreaming). I let him stay and he slept for another 1.5 hrs. Let's see what tonight brings...

And another shit night. I had to pretend to go out for him to go to sleep. Now thinking about booking the babysitter to come and do a week of bedtimes. Sigh.

sorry to hear that. Was it the first day back at school for you today? My ds (nearly 7) finds it hard to get to sleep. He is super tired tonight but probably not enough to make things easier!