Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

oh my god, how on earth does anyone do controlled crying? I'd rather not sleep for 18 years

44 replies

oranges · 14/12/2006 22:50

ds, 8 months is a terrible sleeper so the hv suggested going cold turkey and leaving him to cry in the cot. So tonight I kissed him, put him down and went into the next room determined to ignore him if he started crying. I lasted TWO minutes - he was making such juddering sobs I've never heard him make before. I'd swear he was having a panic attack. He's such a good natured, happy baby, I just can't do that to him (or me) again. Am I just too soft, or is it normal for babies to get THAT panicky when left?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

oranges · 15/12/2006 11:59

Do they? When?

OP posts:

JiminyCricket · 15/12/2006 12:21

I think babies are all so different - dd1 used to hate being cuddled when she was tired/ready for bed, so we would put her down, she would cry for 2 minutes and then go to sleep. After a few days she got used to the routine and didn't bother with the crying any more. DD2 is much more cuddly, but I'm cold hearted (no, not really) and think it is a good thing to show my children that its safe and nice to go to sleep by themselves in their own bed, but because she has such a different character, I used to go in, cuddle her a bit, put her down, go away and keep doing that, no more than a few minutes crying between each cuddle. She soon got used to it and after a while I didn't pick her up, just settled her a bit and out again. They both love their beds and go to bed nicely now. I don't think any good can come from a distressed Mum, I also don't think any harm can come from children NOT being left to cry, or from children being left to cry for a short time (everyone has to get used to sad feelings/abandonment, and also learn that its not forever, there must be a psychologically healthy element to this?) so I'd say to anyone to go with their instincts, no mum will stick with something that doesn't feel right.

santasweetdreamer · 15/12/2006 16:00

well IME when they're about 6-7 (years!!)

KentuckyFreudChicken · 15/12/2006 16:12

I personally believe that learning healthy sleep habits from an early age prevents any need to even think about doing CC. Start as you mean to go on and it will hopefully avoid having a toddler with a sleep problem.

Overtired child and overtired Mummy is equally as detrimental as CC.

dingdonglapinroseonhigh · 15/12/2006 16:23

KFC I agree with that, I have never had a major issue with my DTs sleeping habits, apart from when ill. They had a bedtime routine from a very early age & I've never had to use CC or any other technique other than just settling them occasionally if they are ill or have a bad dream.

Tatties · 15/12/2006 16:32

Kentucky, I would have agreed with you before I had ds! But no matter how hard you try to teach 'healthy sleep habits' from an early age, some babies will (quite rightly) never accept being left to fall asleep alone in a cot. And sometimes you have to accept that it is perfectly normal and not necessarily a 'sleep problem'. It depends on your definitions of these things. There are lots of ways around the exhaustion (I should know!) without resorting to CC.

kid · 15/12/2006 16:47

DS was a great sleeper from birth until 7 weeks old, then it all went wrong. I managed to get by with interupted sleep and still go to work until he was 13 months old when I decided enough was enough and I tried CC.

On the first night of CC, he woke 3 times and cried for up to 20 minutes each time. On the 2nd night he woke up twice and cried for up to 20 minutes again. On the 3rd night, there were no tears at all.

I hate being mean to my kids, I tend to give in quite easily to them but my sleep was important! I didn't think I would ever be able to do CC but I did and it certainly worked. Writing down the sleep pattern helps as you can see an improvement straight away.

KentuckyFreudChicken · 15/12/2006 17:40

Granted there will always be the baby who is harder to teach healthy sleep habits to but I find it hard to believe that most sleep problems parents encounter didn't stem from them not teaching baby how to sleep and when to sleep from the outset.

Original poster

oranges · 15/12/2006 17:53

Its not just about getting them to fall asleep though, its about getting them to stay asleep. And that is something that seems to vary hugely between babies.

OP posts:

kid · 15/12/2006 17:58

Its not getting them to stay asleep, its teaching them how to fall asleep by themselves without having someone with them or holding them.

mummydoc · 15/12/2006 18:00

I was so tough with dd1 and did cc at 7 months and again at 18 montsh - worked a treat both times , thoug do remember hating hearing her crying, now dd2 whi is 2 still gets a bottle of milk in the night as I just cannot do it to her and also my dh tried and 2 weeks down the line we still ahd broken nights, now i just think " oh well she won't want a bottle when she is 13 ! " interestingly she only wants the milk, not mummy or cuddles or our bed, yet she eats really well during the day.

MerryMellowmas · 15/12/2006 18:09

My son is 2.8 now and has been sleeping through the night for around 3 months .

I still maintain (not with all babies) but with him it was all down to routines he got himself into in the end.

He didn't sleep well when he was very little as he was allergic to milk and we did not find this out until he was around 3/4 months (although by then we had change to soya ourselves)!!

Then it was teething, after all this calmed down I moved him into toddler bed and he sleeps most nights from 8pm-6/7am!

It does get better

liquidclocks · 15/12/2006 18:13

Oranges - if you only managed 2 minutes on the first time you tried it then it's not for you so don't do it.

I'd just say though that MN is full of people with lots of opinions as I'm sure you know and CC is one of the issues that brings out the polar opposites of opinions. I did it, it worked for me and I would strongly disagree with anyone who reckons it damaged my children - for the sake of 2/3 nights of a couple of hours crying in total they both sleep really well now which means I get enough sleep too - I get il when I don't have enough so it was very important to our family. If you however cope well with broken sleep and find CC very distressing then it's not for you and you should find another way. Just don't get sucked in to the whole 'CC is harmful etc etc' thing - what's right for you wouldn't be right for me and vice versa, but neither of us would be wrong.

Monkeytrousers · 15/12/2006 18:16

I know what you mean. I waited until DS was 1. Then it only worked until the clocks went forward and had to do it again - it's hell. I actually quite like the ten mins or so we have together now as he drops off.

It did used to drive me mad when it went on for two hours though..but I'll miss it when he doesn't want me there at all..

Monkeytrousers · 15/12/2006 18:17

agree with liquid - if it's not for you don;t do it

LorinaLovesSprouts · 15/12/2006 18:27

8 months is very young. I couldnt have done it at 8 months.

I did do it at 13 months when I was desperate and pregnant again. It worked after 3 days and I was so happy and grateful,not just for myself but also for dd who needed that nights sleep as much as i did.

Trust your instincts and only do it when it feels right

santasbaby · 15/12/2006 18:51

Hi, haven't read all the messages so apologies if repeating.

If you're not 100% committed to cc then it wont work - but it's not just about letting them cry until they fall asleep. The idea is to gradually extend the period of time that you leave them before going in and comforting them, i.e. 5mins, 10mins etc.

It is tough - we did it with dd at 5months as she was unable to fall asleep without being rocked to sleep, and she was taking ages to get to sleep in the evening and then when she woe in the night, so we decided to take control of the situation and break the habit of rocking her to sleep.

It was terrible hearing her cry for the first 2 nights, but she was settling herself to sleep by the end of the week and we now have a baby who rolls over at 6.30pm and goes through until 7am - bliss! If she does wake in the night, she will settle herself within minutes.

There are other sleep solutions, but you have to want to do whatever you decide - if it's not for you and your baby, then don't do it half-heartedly. Good Luck

hulababy · 16/12/2006 09:50

KentuckyFreudChicken - not sure how much I agree for all children. DD was excellent to start with. She slept through really well from 6 weeks. Then at 13 weeks it all went wrong and we didn't manage unbroken nights again until she was 20 months old! Even now, at 4yo, she is still inclined to wake at times.

nearlythree · 16/12/2006 12:07

I agree, hulababy. My dd1 had a terrible birth and was then very poorly with a lactose intolerance. She was very high-need at night and then once the health needs had passed she got very fearful if left. When she was two we did gradual withdrawl and she is now a fantastic sleeper. She's also very secure and confident and I put that down to us parenting her according to her needs.

Flip

1 2