Controlled crying - BABY 7MTHS how and should i do it?

[lovecloud]

Hello

Sick of her night episodes, she wakes in the night and will not settle for two hours!!!

Usually around 11pm and then 3/4am - Each time she screams like she is in pain until you pick her up then she settles as you rock her. As soon as her head hits the mattress she SCREAMS. I give in and put her in my bed and then she moans up to two hours sometimes talking sometimes crying - its SO annoying!

I know she should not be in my bed but her moaning seems better than screaming and i just dont have the energy for her in the night.

She has never slept well from birth and just seems to get worse, first i weaned her early as mv were on my back saying she is hungry - so did and no change. then they said my bm was not filling her up so told to give top up at night, tried it a few times and she just cried fro bm hour later!!!
so now they say "Control Crying" is the way???

I let her cry for the first time as I usually pick her up straight away. I let her cry no more than 5 mins and she got herself in such a state i thought she was going to have a fit. I got so worried and felt awful! Took ages to calm her down.

She is not hungry when she wakes in the night and drinks water from her bottle sometimes.

I really dont know what to do with her.

There she is now crying! Gotta go

Any advice on controlled crying techniques would be much appreciated!

The only problem with her being in your bed is if you don't want her there - co-sleeping is perfectly fine and you shouldn't feel bad for doing it.

Is she teething?

It sounds like you are taking advice from people who are not on the same wavelength as you - if you feel she's not ready for something the HV suggests, you don't have to do it.

PLENTY of babies don't sleep all night - plenty.

Are you still bfeeding? How much food is she having during the day now? Might be she is hungry - milk should still make up the majority of her calories in the first year.

I know it's hard - and harder still when you feel so criticised. Perhaps give the clinic a miss for a couple of weeks if you feel talking to your HV is doing you no good?

Am no hv but am Mother of three and this is what I would do /have done...

If you think she might be teething I would give her calpol first.

Then, I would give her a nice big bottle of warm milk. (take up a flask of hot water, sterile bottle filled with water and formula in a pot/or expressed milk in a cool bag so its all there ready for when she wakes.)

I would sit with her on my lap and cuddle her for a bit NO talking to her, just soothing rocking to get her sleepy.
After about 10 mins I would hope she was sleepy and put her down in her cot in a sleeping bag tucked in to end of cot and leave the room with the lights off.

if she starts to scream, go in after a few minutes, dont pick her up,but stroke her hair/sleeves/cheeks and say ssshhh and then leave again or sit by the cot on a chair and keep comforting her softly.

My ds 9months liked to be on his side being patted gently on his back. You will work out what's best for yours.

The first few nights will be hard but it will work.

I do think they are still very little and I do believe that warm milk and a cuddle helps at this age. They are frightened and lonely and little.

It WONT last forever I promise, everything is just a phase with babies.

Dont like controlled crying. Its heartbreaking.

With DS, I used to stay with him, patting his back, in the dark, in his cot, not speaking except for occasional "sshhhh" or "its night night time".

Make yourself a comfortable position next to the cot, pillows, duvet, beanbag - whatever is comfortable and plan to be there for the night.

I think when you formulate a plan and expect to be in it for the duration - you dont feel so disappointed or fraught at having to get up "again".

It took DS two nights, when he was 10.5 mths to do this. He still wakes at night - but its usually in the evening rather than early hours and a quick pat or comfort usually does the trick.

i would co-sleep if i were you. that is what i did at this same stage and i started to get a full night's sleep once we got used to having her in bed with us. it only took a couple nights to get used to her in bed with us. i only wish i had started doing so sooner.

don't do it, you'll break your heart

it's a shame your hv is giving you all this advice. how often do you see her? do you know you don't have to see her at all? of course some people get on well with their hv and find them reassuring, but plenty find them unhelpful, confusing, pressurising and out of date.

fwiw, i would try 'the no cry sleep solution' by elizabeth pantley. very popular book amongst mums who are breastfeeding especially, and don't want to go down the controlled crying route.

at least have a look at it before you even consider cc.

also inform yourself properly about cc if you are going to attempt it. even Richard Ferber the well known writer on cc has now amended his latest edition of his book to recommend that cc not be done before 12 months. Sleep and mental health research in babies and toddlers has pretty much convinced him to change his book from 6 months which i see a lot of cc advocates still recommending.

My baby (6 months) also wakes at 11pm and 4am, minimum. On a bad night he just has 6 or 7 half hour 'naps' rather than a full nights sleep which is just awful. I think it's normal up to 12 months (although you do hear about these 7pm to 7am wondersleepers! But I don't actually KNOW anyone in RL who has one... Maybe they're a myth.) I know that sleep training has worked for others, and that babies stop crying if you leave them long enough, but it's not what I would ever want to do to my little one. I think your HV is giving you an unrealistic expectation that your baby 'should' sleep through.

I'm not going to do CC on my DS until he is a toddler, if ever. He's too little to sleep through and too little to be 'disciplined'. It's knackering that he wakes so much, especially as I'm at work all day. But there you are....

How was last night, Lovecloud?

Hi lovecloud I am mum of 2 who are great sleepers-but they dont come out that way it took a lot of patience and tears-but I promise worth it. At 7 months I think it sounds like you might need to resort to cc. You sound like you need someone not so close to baby to help-Dad perhaps-I had to make my hubby do it and I recently helped my friend do it with her 7 month old. Was awful as the older they are the more aware they are and the more they can make you think that someone is removing their toe-nails!! I promise it works but dont start until you have your rules sorted out and everyone is on the same page. I agree with the other mum maybe illiminate the teething thing with some calpol-though probably not as sounds like this has not just started so dont make excuses for her just get tough and get your bed back-a well slept mummy is a better and more tolerant one! When I had to do the night thing with Tom I did the laying by the cot thing until he settled but it def prolonged and frustrated him as he knew I was right there, after I left the room progress was much faster. Good luck and be brave-remeber it is going to be more traumatic to you! Best of luck and lots of love xx

juicygirl- i don't think you can promise it works. and to be fair, there are lots of other things the OP can try before resorting to cc if at all.

and juicy girl, do you promise that once you have done it, you don't have to do it again?

No-one can promise that that once you've done cc that you will have a great sleeper from then on.

All the girls from my Post-natal group that have done cc keep having to do it everytime baby has disturbed sleep due to reaching developmental milestones/teething/cold/illness etc etc and any other thing that upsets baby's sleep pattern.
Only one mum Iknow has a 7pm-7am sleeper and he'sa natural, she didn't have to do anything.

My ds(14months) still wakes at 11pm and between 3-4am for a feed. It tiring but quite frankly I'd rather do that than cc.

I am probably going to get loads of 'hate' posts after this but I agree with Don'tlookatme - I have a 7pm-7am (ish) sleeper and he has been like that since he was about 3 weeks old (sorry! ) (and even before that he only ever used to wake once for a feed and always went straight back to sleep) but it was nothing that me or DH did - I guess he is just a 'natural' sleeper and so far, nothing (developmental milestones etc) has affected this. The only thing we do get is him grumbling at about 5am (still asleep) but I just pop his dummy in and he goes straight back to sleep.

So, I would say that I am not sure cc would solve the porblem - as maybe some babies just sleep well and others don't.

Lovecloud My dd was a co sleeper from birth it was the only way we could get her to sleep for any length of time.

Due to negative comments and general 'co sleeping is bad' suggestions DH & myself sleep trained her together when she was 9 months old.

It worked a treat and only took 4 days to work, here are the guidelines we followed:

1.Give last feed in darkened nursery to allow lo to wind down before bedtime.

2.Say goodnight and place lo in cot/crib and leave the room shutting the door behind you

3.When lo cries leave 3 mins before returning to settle them, lift them out of the cot if you want to but as soon as they have stopped crying place them back in the cot, leave the room and shut the door.

4.Repeat this cycle but increasing the time by adding 2 minutes to the time you allow them to cry before returning to the room. But never extend this over 15 mins.

This is supposed to teach lo that if they need someone they are heard but if they don't really need someone it's not worth their bother.

I must say that of the 4 nights it took to train dd she did scream herself to vomiting point a few times and it was hard work and I did often sit behind the closed door wondering if she was snivelling in a pool of her own vomit... This prompted dh to buy a nightvision baby camera so we could watch her IN THE DARK on the video (aka baby) channel on any of out TV's! Magic! Fortunately within the week she was going down and sleeping through of her own accord.

On the downside it was only a month before I missed her company so much at bedtime and in the mornings (that beaming smile as soon as she wakes up is killer!) that I let her sleep back in with me and I love every minute of it!

But each to their own and I wish you the best of luch whichever you choose!

luch? I meant LUCK!

I read in "Toddler taming" that CC worked on 60% of 6monthh to 1 yr olds, someting like 80% of 1-2yr olds and 100% of 2-3 yr olds. Or similar numbers.

Have you tried craneo?

Yor dd sounds a lot like my ds and we tried cc but he would get himself into such a state within about 10 mins that not even the most vicious person could just leave him.

We did craneo at 9months and after 3 sessions he still was not sleeping so one night I got totally fed up and was so exhausted that I just dumped him in his cot and went to bed. He cried for 45mins but it was nothing like the hysterics we had before - more like complaining and whingeing and eventually fell asleep. He has slept through ever since that night.

By sleeping thru I mean 8.30 to 6am, bottle of milk and then another 1-2 hours sleep. He occasionally wakes up at night and whinges a bit but settles himself back to sleep. He is 14 months now. We still take him to craneo every 6 weeks.

try putting her on her tummy to sleep

otherwise I agree with what mrsnoah says

Hello everyone and thank you for your advice.

Well last night like most nights now dh slept in the living room (he has long work days and this sleep deprivation has really got to him).

As normal with dd bath and massage at 6.40pm.

Breastfeed in the dark in bedroom with lullably playing. Put her straight into cot half awake and she happily goes off. This is the bit I dont understand why is she so happy to go off at this time in her cot alone but not during the night?
She normally sleeps on her side, i know she wont go off when she rolls onto her back crying as soon as i lay her on her side.

As usual around 11pm she wakes crying and last night would not settle until I bf her. She went off ok.

I got into bed scared of moving or breathing to wake her.

She woke at her usual time around 3.30am crying, picker her up, as soon as she stopped, put her down - she screamed. not sure how many times i did this but eventually i felt dizzy standing i was so tired so picker her up and put her on dh's pillow.

But she is not happy there and scrambles over to my pillow holding onto my neck so i cant breathe i lay awake until i know she's asleep and move her over to the pillow. She sleeps until 6.30am but I spend most of that time moving her from under the duvet, pillow, me... lately she has really started to move all round the bed and likes to bury herself in the blankets and pillows which cant be safe.

I cant sleep with her next to me, as she is either doing the above or pinching my eyes out.

Last night was better than normal, normally she wont even settle in my bed and talks, moans or cries on and off for two whole hours!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant believe there are mums out there who have children over one waking in the night. I pray to God that wont be me - that is a depressing thought.

My first dd slept through from 8 weeks 12 hours and always has. She was just a great sleeper. I did use cc with her when she was 2.5years as she suddenly decided she did not like bedtime. Luckily it was just a phase.

With this dd- i'm not sure whats going on with her.

Took her to cranio when born as she was very unsettled and it did help. But i'll never know. Cant afford it right now.

Can her traumatic birth still be effecting her now?

She is SUPER clingy, she holds onto my leg when i walk past and cries like something sharp has pierced her skin when she wants me to hold her which is ALL the time. I cant even go to the toilet and this has been like this since she's been born!

Hello everyone and thank you for your advice.

Well last night like most nights now dh slept in the living room (he has long work days and this sleep deprivation has really got to him).

As normal with dd bath and massage at 6.40pm.

Breastfeed in the dark in bedroom with lullably playing. Put her straight into cot half awake and she happily goes off. This is the bit I dont understand why is she so happy to go off at this time in her cot alone but not during the night?
She normally sleeps on her side, i know she wont go off when she rolls onto her back crying as soon as i lay her on her side.

As usual around 11pm she wakes crying and last night would not settle until I bf her. She went off ok.

I got into bed scared of moving or breathing to wake her.

She woke at her usual time around 3.30am crying, picker her up, as soon as she stopped, put her down - she screamed. not sure how many times i did this but eventually i felt dizzy standing i was so tired so picker her up and put her on dh's pillow.

But she is not happy there and scrambles over to my pillow holding onto my neck so i cant breathe i lay awake until i know she's asleep and move her over to the pillow. She sleeps until 6.30am but I spend most of that time moving her from under the duvet, pillow, me... lately she has really started to move all round the bed and likes to bury herself in the blankets and pillows which cant be safe.

I cant sleep with her next to me, as she is either doing the above or pinching my eyes out.

Last night was better than normal, normally she wont even settle in my bed and talks, moans or cries on and off for two whole hours!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant believe there are mums out there who have children over one waking in the night. I pray to God that wont be me - that is a depressing thought.

My first dd slept through from 8 weeks 12 hours and always has. She was just a great sleeper. I did use cc with her when she was 2.5years as she suddenly decided she did not like bedtime. Luckily it was just a phase.

With this dd- i'm not sure whats going on with her.

Took her to cranio when born as she was very unsettled and it did help. But i'll never know. Cant afford it right now.

Can her traumatic birth still be effecting her now?

She is SUPER clingy, she holds onto my leg when i walk past and cries like something sharp has pierced her skin when she wants me to hold her which is ALL the time. I cant even go to the toilet and this has been like this since she's been born!

How much is she sleeping in the daytime?

My DS was like this.

DD slept through from 11 weeks old. Then DS was born and woke every 25 mins for the first few days, and didnt improve much for some time......

I finally tackled the sleep - as detailed below when he was 10.5 months. He's still not a restful sleeper but is calmed easily now by a stroke of his head, or changing his position (he seems to tie himself in knots in his sleeping bag).

Hi

She has a 45 min sleep 1-2hrs after waking in the morning and then has another sleep after lunch usually 40mins - 60mins. If I am at home she will sleep two hours. But because of her sisters busy social life she is pulled all over the place so never really gets to have two nice naps like my first did.

Have you tried putting her in a growbag and maybe a bodysuit under her babygro and let her sleep on top of the duvet?

When my dd was at this squirmy age, i would just pretty much pin her to my side in a sorta wrestling hold and keep her there. I also had to as we didn't get a bed guard till she was reallya and truly mobile. It didn't take her long to learn to stay in pretty much the same spot all night long.

i don't know if you are considering co-sleeping at all but thought i'd share what worked for me.

Is anyone still out there?
My7montholdddwon'tsettle..shouldItryCC??

I followed gfordCLB routine which is brilliant - by 7wks she was sleeping through the night (10 - 5/6ish) and by 5months she was sleeping 7pm-7am. Since about 4-5 months I've managed to put her straight down in her cot and she's gone off to sleep till morning, no fuss...heaven!

But since about a week ago she won't settle. She screams when we put her in her cot and sometimes might go to sleep but wakes a while later. It takes an hour or so to settle her, although when she goes to sleep she sleeps through. I've heard it's a developmental think that sometimes babies become unsettled now even if they've been good sleepers but it's driving me and my dh mad..especially when we're used to such a good baby!

We've tried CC for a couple of nights although it's a bit inconsistent! I try to be tough (ok for the first 10mins) and just go in every 10mins or so and say 'night night', but then after about 30mins dh breaks and picks her up for cuddles. Tonight I'm on my own but I ended up breaking after an hour (after continually telling myself to be strong and turning telly up louder!) - I picked her up and thought I'd rock her to sleep (defeating the whole object I know) then she kept staring at me with her big eyes so I gave in and bought her in to watch telly with me! I only left her up for 10mins then when I put her back down she only cried for a minute then went to sleep.

I feel cruel doing CC when it seems all she wanted was a little cuddle and tv and then went to sleep, but I'm worried if I don't deal with the problem now it'll get worse and it might just be luck that she went down so easily after I got her up.

Am I being cruel doing CC if she does sleep through after we eventually get her to sleep and if she only wants love (even if it's a lot of love) before she goes to sleep??
It's just hard not knowing when or if she'll go to sleep now and it's putting a strain on me and my DH.

Can anyone help??????????