Dd's method of getting to sleep causing disagreements between dh and I

[arabella2]

She kind of has to be carried to sleep - then when she is deeply asleep enough she can be put in her moses basket - she is 8 weeks old. Sometimes it takes two or three goes of her waking up in her basket and the process has to be repeated. Then she will sleep waking up 2 or 3 times before getting up in the morning. I don't think this is too bad - especially since our ds who is now 2.5 woke up more than that when he was tiny. He too always had to be settled by somebody else and now needs to go to sleep next to you (ie. we have never left him to fall asleep by himself).
The fact that dd cannot really settle herself (though she does in the middle of the night when she goes back to sleep after a feed) really annoys dh who says we should let her cry to get her used to falling asleep by herself. This causes a lot of tension between dh and I as I don't want to do this - he then says it is my fault she cannot get to sleep by herself blah blah...
Anyway, to cut a long boring story short - I know some babies are very calm and able to fall asleep unaided, but surely loads don't??? I think falling asleep with someone is reassuring for a tiny baby and though it takes longer to gain "independence" from your baby and you are more tied down, eventually all children know how to fall asleep... Maybe our culture is obsessed with the need to become separate from our young when really they need/want the opposite.
Dh says he will not carry her like I do which is fair enough - tonight I asked him to because I was trying to get ds ready for bed and this is when we had our latest argument... So it looks as if our care of ds and dd will really have to be split down the middle (dh always puts ds to bed and I always put dd to bed) which makes me a little sad as I feel I am losing closeness with ds. On the other hand we never let ds cry himself to sleep so I don't see why dd shouldn't have the same "care". I don't think the "check" every 5 minutes approach to controlled crying is terrible - it really depends on the child, but I do think that 8 weeks is far too young...
Any thoughts???

I agree, Arabella, 8 weeks is too young for any form of controlled crying. At this age I just think you should do what words for her and you. Someone told me once that it was OK to do cc at 4 months, tho' I thought even this was a bit too young, and waited until 7. I'm sure it varies from child to child though. Actually, what your dd is doing now sounds pretty good for 8 weeks. I hope you can find a compromise with your dh other than the one you've mentioned. I think it's very important for you to have that time with your ds. Bedtime is a lovely time with your children (usually!) and is key to retaining and building closeness with your ds. I hope you find a solution.

works!

Firstly, I think you are absolutely right. 8 weeks is very young and your dd sounds like she's an angel to me. Also things change a lot in small babies and a baby who is rocked to sleep at 8 weeks will not necessarily need that at 16 weeks. My ds needed a lot of help to sleep and woke up FAR more than your dd, and now he's really a good sleeper and goes off in his own cot by himself at 8pmish every night after bedtime stories and poems (!).
I do think tiredness makes communication much harder between couples and arguments more likely but I think your dh sounds panicky and unreasonable. Is it possible to talk very calmly with your dh and say that you think your dd needs this approach at the moment, that 8 weeks is too young to leave to cry (all the books say so btw - even those that are very pro cc do not advocate it this young) and anyway it would upset you. Maybe he doesn't like the fact that your ds doesn't go to sleep by himself and is worried that your new dd will be the same? Maybe having baby number 2 has made him feel pushed out and lonely (not your fault at all btw, just a thought)? I think you need to say to your dh that you are finding the arguing upsetting and you wondered if you could talk about it and find out why he is so determined about this.

Defo too young for cc IMO.

We tried it at 6 months and still too young for our dd! At 8 months it worked a treat!

Way too young to let her cry, and who wants to listen to crying when you have found something that works?
I don't think your dh has to do exactly what you do, but you need to agree on the broad rules (like no crying to sleep) and he can find a way which suits him to do this.

Arebella2
I agree far to yound for CC but have you tried the pick up/put down technique from baby whisperer? My DS had trouble putting himself to sleep and this worked very well for us. DH and I felt happy as DS was being cuddled until calm, and not left crying in his cot.

Only took a few nights before he was putting himself to sleep.

BR

Message withdrawn

Most people will agree with you arabella2 and this ought to persuade your dh to go along with your views. In any case, there's no way any kind of CC or crying down can be done unless both parents agree with it and are very consistent.

Having said that (don't show your dh this) ... crying down (teaching a baby to go to sleep by herself by letting her cry, aborting if it goes past a certain time, trying again the next day) is exactly what we did with dd2 and dd2 and it worked for us, and it is a great skill, very beneficial to baby not just parents, once they learn it. Our experience is contrary to claims that it is impossible for an 8 week old to learn this ability.