Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

Help! Please rescue us from the demon dummy!

16 replies

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 11/12/2006 22:00

Oh we should have known better. We've been there, seen it, done it, got the T-shirt (and the under-eye bags)...but when the baby's crying you do anything, including letting them sleep with the dummy in their mouth.

At first it was only for daytime naps, which is OK, we can prop the dummy in with a folded washable nappy. But now he's looking for it at night as well. For the last few nights ds2 has taken an hour or more to settle after each feed. He screams bitterly, 'looking' for the dummy, then he falls asleep for a few seconds from sheer exhaustion before he 'looks' for it again and wakes because it's not there. All the cuddling, swaddling, rocking, walking don't help.

We don't want to give him the dummy at night. We know what will happen - it happened with his sister: more broken nights even after he's able to sleep through, when he comes into a light sleep and starts 'looking' for the dummy he will wake and cry until one of us puts it back in his mouth.

So what can we do. How do we change this behaviour and teach him to go to sleep without the dummy? He is only 8w old - I don't expect him to be able to settle himself, I'm quite happy to help him, but I just don't know how.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mrspoppins · 11/12/2006 23:03

okydoke....easy to follow steps but you will,need to be resilient throught the next week or so when he is screaming

Think of it like this...he cannot talk or shout out or anything communicatively but cry...don't take it personally. He knows no other way to talk.

throw away every dummy you have.never go back to them or all your hard work will be undone
get a few muslin cloths for him to snuggle to. Change them every few nights so that he prefers clean ones rather than old smelly ones!!
find a bedtime routine that suits you and stick to it every time he has a nap but alter it slightly..perhaps with the addition of a bath for his nightime sleep.Do not change from this
give him his muslin and when you have had a story...and definitely do this...great readers started early on books...kiss cuddle and into his cot and a goodnight.
if crying, do the 5,10,15minute routine. Go back after 5mins...do not pick him up but say "shh shh Mummy's here " etc...Perhaps a little stroke on the face but nothing more. Leave him then for 10mins and reapeat if he is still crying....leave him then for 15 mins and go in, placate him but DO NOT pick him up and then, if he is still crying, start again at 5mins and carry on again. Do this as often as it takes. He will go to sleep and it will get easier. He is looking for reasurrance that you are still around that is all. You will be and he will learn that.NEVER NEVER NEVER pick up because it is becoming too much for you or the previous 1/2 hour or so will have been a waste of time

He will not die from crying nor will he feel unloved. He doesn't understand enough for that.

During this, make sure that you cannot hear him screaming. Turn off or down the monitor, shut the lounge door and make a coffee!!!

Get him used to a dark room with the door shut too...leave a small window ajar for fresh air... You may as well and this will make your life easier as he gets older too.Babies sleep better in darkness and it is better for their eyes.

Give it a week and then reassess. I'd be surprised if it didn't sort it out.

xxxkaren

happyxmashayles · 11/12/2006 23:15

Im sorry mrs poppins at 8 weeks old i feel controlled crying is not appropriate at all. Locate the no cry sleep solution (ncss) thread and all contributers will welcome u warmly and gladly give u their advice and share experiences. After a few posts its like a little family! Good luck and maybe see you there

Guapina · 11/12/2006 23:40

Hey PCATT

My DD kind of was the same, then she discovered her thumbs and hasn?t had the dummy since, now 7 months she has adopted a Penguin comforter (she wont sleep without) as long as she has penguin and her thumb all is well. I wonder if you encourage DS to use his hands you might be able to wean him off the dummy and he will always know where his hands are.

Some people don?t like thumb sucking, its harder to stop and I am worried about her teeth...but it helps. She is still waking at night but it?s more for mummy comfort thing as I am still BF.

Good luck!!!

mrspoppins · 11/12/2006 23:41

Well it worked for me 14years ago and 8 years ago so I suppose we can only go from experience. It may just be luck that I have two fab sleepers who go to bed wonderfully with no fuss each night. I must admit, I'm always grateful for that when I see parents struggling to get their children to even entertain the idea of going to bed so I think sometimes what works for one may not for another.

A neighbour's granddaughter did this though with her little one from around 10weeks when they moved him into his own room and she was lucky too so however it works for you...wishing you well
xxK

Original poster

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 12/12/2006 14:39

Thanks for your advice. I have to say that I think 8w is far too young for CC. What you suggest, MrsP, is very sound advice which I agree with nearrly 100% ( and have done similARly with my othwr children), but for a much older child.

I'll look at NCSS, thanks.

Ds2 doesn't yet know about his hands. When they come within reach he sucks on them, but he doesn't yet havethe control to keep them in his mouth.

I know we'll get there in the end one way or aNOther - my other two are a pleasure to put to bed - I just want to avoid the agony we had with no2!

OP posts:

fizzbuzz · 12/12/2006 15:20

Wrap him, so he can't knock it out by accident, and use a cherry teat.

fizzbuzz · 12/12/2006 15:20

Wrap him, so he can't knock it out by accident, and use a cherry teat.

Original poster

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 12/12/2006 15:28

That's exactly what I have been doing, fizzbuzz, but even so...

OP posts:

fizzbuzz · 12/12/2006 15:39

mmmm...don't know what else to suggest. Tried to take dummy away from dd when suffering this, and she cried for 2 hours. Could not bear to see her suffer (how pathetic am I?), so soldiered on.

Dd now 5 months old, and only needs very rare re-insertion. I think it gets easier as they get a bit older. Dd loves to comfort suck and cannot deprive her...

happyxmashayles · 13/12/2006 17:48

my dd is 11 weeks and has been able to find hands well for a good couple of weeks now so i wouldnt have thought itd take too much longer for yours.

TinsellyRhino · 13/12/2006 18:12

I beg you not to do CC on an 8 week old

mrspoppins · 14/12/2006 03:44

Hi Tinsellyrhino...it worked for me that was all. My now 14 year old was atrocious as a baby and screamed a huge amount..it drove me crazy not knowing what to do for her after all the usual feeding, nappy, warmth etc... checks. It was my GP at the time who suggested it as at that point, I'd never heard of it. I did, and it worked.

I didn't feel it was cruel. She is a lovely, bright teenager now {along with the normal teenagerish strops} and was a delight as a younger child. She is well loved and we have a great relationship so if you think it is harmful in any way, we've been okay.

I did the same with my 8 yr old too to a point....she was a very poorly baby so sometimes her crying was due to terrible pain...bowel disease...but she was a much better sleeper anyhow.

Naturally, with these forums, we can only give opinion and that is always based on experience and that in itself will always differ with every family, child etc... dependent on their ethos.

I do hope you don't think I was intentionally cruel
xxK

Original poster

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 14/12/2006 14:28

We've decided to stop swaddling and have put ds2 into a sleeping bag insead, to make it easier for him to find his hands. I've also ordered NCSS and Baby whisperer from Amazon for my holiday reading. Whenever I can I'm now getting ds2 to sleep in myh arms wihtout a dummy before I put him down as he doesn't seem to look for the dummy as much if he didn't fall asleep with it in the first place. Before I was puting him down drowsy ut awake, with the dummy. I think it will be asier to break the falling saleep in our arms habit later than a dummy habit would be, without crying.

OP posts:

gingerninja · 14/12/2006 21:00

Prettycandlesandtinseltoo I had the same probem with my 14 week old and dumped the dummy last week. It's been the longest week of my life since but it is definately worth it and I feel we're getting somewhere. Personally I don't agree with CC especially for such a young baby so I'm trying the baby whisperer method of soothing. It's a lot of hard work but the way I see it is that if my baby is going to cry because I've taken away the one thing that comforts her I'm going to be there to make sure she doesn't feel totally abandoned. This method doesn't stop them crying, just reassures them that they're not on their own.

PS I bought the 'baby whisperer solves all your problems book' because I hadn't started her routine before hand. As with all of these books the routine is quite difficult to adapt to but she makes a lot of sense.

Good luck

puffling · 20/12/2006 22:28

Our dd's desire for it went when he was 4/5 months. She was a very 'sucky' little baby and it really helped comfort her to sleep, but she lost the need for it when she got her first cold.

flutturkey · 20/12/2006 22:43

For what its worth MrsPoppins I agree with you, I used it from when DS was born, my Mum also did and she had 7 it worked on perfectly well. It really is just a matter of what works best for you.

I hope for your sake (and sanity) that you find a solution soon

Flip