Background: Our DS is nearly 2yo. I am a SAHM and I’m pregnant, due in May. My DH is very supportive, keen to be involved, loving and calm. He works Mon-Fri and is out of the house 6am - 6pm. Our DS is a loving, bubbly, confident, bright little button during the day.
I had postnatal anxiety and I particularly worry about him not forming secure bonds and feeling he is being abandoned. That is why we’ve never been down the CC or CIO route.
He’s never been a good sleeper and I’ve always been the one to put him to bed and resettle him. (This is not because DH doesn’t want to, he really does and is desperate to help but it’s just so hard when DS is used to me and wants me and scream blue murder at DH and ultimately, there’s never a good time to hear the screaming.)
In the early months he BF to sleep or was rocked to sleep. I weaned from BF, I went to the HV for advice, we did gradual retreat and at 11 months he began sleeping. We got a stage where he would settle at night and sleep through maybe a quarter of the time.
Then at 18 months, it all went wrong. Who knows why but he ended up needing to fall asleep sitting on my knee and being put into his cot…at bedtime and every time he woke. It was demoralising and miserable. I’m not a cushion FFS. So after a while I bit the bullet again and started gradual retreat. He falls asleep now in his cot as I sing/hum his sleepy song and hold his hand through the cot bars.
We took our next step last night - Daddy is going to do bedtime. I sat in the room and DH read "The rabbit that wants to fall asleep”. DS cried and cried. (Mummy sing, mummy hold hand. No no daddy, no no book, away daddy. Mummy sing, mummy sing.) But eventually after wiping tears and reassuring he did lie down and fall asleep. Then at 11pm all hell broke loose. I sat with him for an hour, i eventually gave up, he came into our bed, I got frustrated and left to sleep in the spare room (I’ve only ever done that once before). He was still up at 2am claiming his nappy needed changed, wanting to go downstairs, looking for mummy etc. DH tried book again, fail. He ended up sleeping in beside me. I resent it.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I’m not handling night wakings well and I can’t see a way out. I absolutely hate it and i know it’s my fault. I know i’ve made a rod for my own back. I know that he prefers sleeping with me and i’ve allowed it for illness in the past and now he just hates his cot. He just doesn’t sleep, he’s often awake for hours in the night, just rolling around, sighing. It’s like he can’t get into a deep sleep. But on the other hand there are days (rare and wonderful) that he does sleep through so he can do it.
Sorry it’s an essay. I didn’t want to drip feed. I don’t even know what I’m asking for…advice? Tales of children who just eventually learned to sleep? Thanks for reading.