How to start a bed time routine?!

[trebleclef101]

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice about starting a bed time routine for my DD. She is three months, and at the moment we do not have any sort of set routine when it comes to sleep.

She has settled herself into a basic routine of sleeping at night with one or two feeds, and a few good naps during the day. However, she is often cranky in the evenings and doesn't go down for her main sleep until 12 - 1am. She also doesn't fall sleep on her own, and normally falls asleep on me after a feed (she is EBF) then I transfer her to the crib.

I have no idea how to go about 1. bringing her bed time forward and 2. getting her to go to sleep on her own.

If we put her down awake she will fuss and cry until picked up and settled, then start crying again the second we try to put her back down.

We have tried dummies which do settle her but she drops them when she falls asleep which wakes her up and she starts crying again. We have also tried swaddling but she doesn't like it.

There is so much conflicting information on the internet I would appreciate some advice from people who have been through it. my husband and I would like our evenings back!

TIA :-)

Same here so would appreciate the advice

Same probs here with 17 week old, though we have reflux in the mix so need to hold her upright for min 45 mins after feed. Means we can't really establish a putting to bed when she's awake routine. Watching with interest.....

Marking my place. I could have written that myself except for the putting into the crib part - we never get to that stage as she only sleeps on me

Looking forward to The Answer here!

OP I suspect this might actually be normal. We were very similar, at around three months we brought bed time forwards to around 1830 because he was so grumpy in the evenings. Every night we bath him which he now lives and then spend an hour feeding to sleep, then he wakes and cries, repeat repeat repeat for an hour or so. All the books say to put them down when they're sleep but awake etc. I've never managed to get anything but screaming when trying that and neither have any of the friends I've asked.

A few months later and we still feed or rock to sleep every evening. Still waking every few hours. Eventually I give in and he comes into our bed where he can snack/comfort such as he wants to and I can get some rest. I know this is against guidelines for good reason, there's just not much choice at the moment.

So no helpful advice I'm afraid. I just wanted you to know you're not alone and I suspect a lot of the things published about babies' sleep is absolute bullshit.

Good luck and try to enjoy it as much as you can.

It's a long time since I went through this, but I've done it 3 times, so some of this may work for you.
First, accept that evenings are often a really unsettled time for babies, and they do want to feed, or at least suckle a LOT at this time. You may not get your evenings back for a while! (sorry)
Next, I used to bath mine and then put them in an all-in-one sleep suit, which was different from what they wore in the day. I kept them in the darkedened bedroom after bath time, and kept noise and talking to an absolute minimum, so that there was a different night-time atmosphere.
With my first, he slept in a different room, and was content to do so (always been a very self-contained chap, from birth) but my others were very clingy to me during the day as well and were much more difficult to settle. I had them in bed with me or in a moses basket / cot beside the bed, and fed them as and when through the night, but without turning on lights or disturbing them (or me) any more than absolutely necessary. I was able to get a lot more sleep that way, and felt less tired and desperate as a result.
Getting them to settle down on their own for daytime naps helps too - put her down when she is calm and sleepy, and let her settle on her own, perhaps with you in sight for the first few times. No picking up again, just your voice or a hand to stroke her head while she settles.
None of it lasts forever, they will eventually sleep through and in their own beds! Good luck.

Thanks for your replies, just knowing I'm not alone helps! I have heard evenings referred to as 'the witching hour' so can't be unusual to have difficult evenings.

Clobbered - We are starting to try a few things you have suggested, like making sure the evenings are quiet and dark so she can start to work out that it is a time to sleep.

Naps during the day are fine, she puts herself to sleep in her rocking chair without help. It's only in the evenings that she refuses to sleep. Maybe I should try to get her to nap in her crib so she associates that with sleeping instead of the chair?

Also night feedings are pretty good, I can have her fed and changed if needed and back to bed in about 15 - 20 minutes and she normally settles again very quickly. as she doesn't really get a chance to fully wake up.

Because she doesn't go to sleep until late i have got into the habit of letting her and myself sleep late in the morning, so I have thought about introducing a more strict routine of getting up earlier. My only worry is that it won't have any effect on her bedtime and I will just end up with an overtired, even crankier baby! Any thoughts?

Guzzle - I agree that half the stuff written is probably a load of rubbish, I read something somewhere that said unless a book was written specifically about YOUR baby, don't bother reading it!

It's so hard to advise anyone else but what worked for us was (14 years ago ) - having a proper 'bed time' ie: DS went to 'bed' at 7pm right from the day we got back from hospital, he had a last feed (not in bed or cluster type feeding), bath and then bed ....... and I left him to it, I didn't sit with him until he fell asleep. It just didn't occur to me that you were meant to do anything else . He slept through until about 6.30am with one very quick night feed until he was 8 months old, I can honestly say I never had a disturbed night , despite him having some major hospital/medical treatment. Two long naps every day as well.

But as I commented on another thread this evening, it might all have been just sheer good luck. .