2 year old trouble falling asleep and night waking HELP!

[Frecklefire]

My lovely boy has found it hard to drop off for over a year now but it's been particularly bad since holiday in August where he bed-shared with me and dh. Since then he has refused to go to sleep in his own room/cot-bed and we are currently having more luck in the double bed in our spare room (which makes me sad, it's like he's rejected his baby room at only 2 months and the nursery is left vacant...) He uaually takes about 45 mins but it can sometimes take up to two hours for him to drop off. We take him up at 7pm and he has a bath every second night. Then its at least three stories before lights out. We can not go out of the room until he is completly sound asleep or he gets very anxious and upset. He needs us to lie with him and cuddle him to sleep. I know i have created the problem by not letting him self-settle when a baby, but i really don't mind getting into bed with him - its the length of time that it seems to take that i want to reduce! He still has afternoon naps (at nursery of 1-2 hours but no later than 2.30 in the afternoon). Please don't suggest 'controlled crying' it might make good tv but it is just not my style! How can i help him get to sleep faster? Me or my husband are hostage each evening!

I'd suggest that the bedtime routine becomes very short. 2 year olds are perfecting their negotiation skills so give limited options. Also get them to join in. So bath then pjs, cup of milk if you still do that, teeth brushing, books, cuddle, lights out and bed. Then no more words. Just sit there, facing away. If upset put your hand on their back but no words or eye contact

Gradually you can sit further and further away.

Re the bedtime stories, limit to 2 and give the choice so which 2 out of 3 or 4.

Sorry just to add, we get ds to acknowledge that bed is coming. So we say last book and then he has to say 'then bed'... It seems to help. Making it a positive thing.

Sounds like he may not actually need a nap and such an early bed time...

So either get the daily nap dropped or give him a later bed time.

Do you think your presence may actually be too exciting and contributing to him having difficulty dropping off? My DS (2.5) has had a couple of phases of not wanting to sleep alone, and with the most recent one he was taking ages to wind down and properly start 'trying' to go to sleep (which of course meant in turn that bedtime took ages). In the end I concluded that me being in his room was as much hindrance as help. He doesn't like going to sleep on his own and wants the reassurance that I'm there, but actually he finds it quite tricky to sleep if I actually am.

What we've run with is saying goodnight, and explaining that I'm just going to tidy up the bathroom (or whatever) but will be back in a couple of minutes to give him another cuddle. I then go away, come back again, give him a cuddle and say goodnight again and tell him I'm leaving now but I'll be around and to call if he leaves me. I then hang around upstairs, generally being fairly noisy (tidying, or chatting with DH) while he falls asleep. He's falling asleep much faster than he was with me in the room and it has been pretty much crying free. There has been a bit of whinging, particularly the first couple of nights, but I reassure him that I'm there and he quietens down very quickly.