On behalf of DD and DH, please help us!

[LovelyTrees]

Since 14mo DD was born I have done almost all "night duty" although DH does sometimes get up and offer moral support when needed. However any time when I've been out at bedtime DH has only half heartedly attempted to get her to sleep and often he just rocks or carries her until I get home and then I get her to sleep. The problem is that i am back at work now and my job required travel which means I'm goung to be away overnight and DH will not be able to wait for me to get home and bail him out! So on his behalf, and mostly so that I'm not worried sick about DD being awake all night when I am hundreds of miles away, can anyone share how their DHs get their DCs to sleep successfully?

Well he needs to stop being lazy and doing things half heatedly for starters.

Well thank you for stating the obvious Lemon! I am well aware he's had it easy until now but that is why he needs advice because he really has no idea

I would say he should follow the routine you have as closely as possible. Rather than wait till the night you are away to do it for the first time have a few practise runs with you on hand to help if required?

What do you do that gets her to sleep? Unless you BF to sleep then he can follow the same steps and this should give him a good start. If you do BF to sleep then you all need to work on developing some new sleep associations that you can both use. Other than that, he needs to practise! Is he on board that this is something he needs to work on by the time you have to go away?

Sorry, I had loaded this page ages ago before starfish had replied so some major cross posting there!

Can she settle herself after milk and a story or song? If she can't it might be worth working on self-settling techniques so your husband can put her to bed easily and you don't need to worry. It would ultimately be easier than having to 'get' her to sleep.

We are still working on self settling so most nights i end up doing a combination of pupd and some gentle rocking/cuddles. Sometimes i can just sit next to the cot anf she drifts off but other times she screams until she's picked up. I'm weaning her off BF and keep trying to tell DH it'll be easier for him to settle her because then feeding isnt an option but for me it's very unpredictable still how well/long she sleeps.

I would persist with the pupd at her age rather than rocking.
Can you offer her a small cup of cows milk (in preparation for when you're not there-) a story and then into cot with a kiss and leave. If she cries for more than a few minutes, repeat cuddle, kiss and leave- probably like you've been doing. She will go to sleep- you've just got to be persistent about putting her back time and time again. There's no reason your DH or someone else can't do this too.

I will persist. Its so exhausting having to keep going in but its got to get better eventually. Last night she fell asleep on me after a story but within a couple of minutes of being put in her cot she was awake and screaming and i just didn't have the energy to keep picking up all night so after about 90minutes i gave up and brought her into bed with me. DH almost always sleeps through her wakings whereas i seem to hear absolutely everything!

It's worth it for a few nights- you'll all be less exhausted in the long run!

That is what your foot is for. You kick your dh when your child wakes up and you want them to go.

Haha poocatcher i think I cave far too easily. Will keep telling myself that its better for all of us if DD isn't so dependent on me at night.

Quite. And you don't have to wake up.

In honesty it took me ages to be brave enough to hand dd river to him at night. But sleep has to win at some point. And it is good for everyone

Re bedtime - sometimes kids will react differently when put to bed by different people.

I am a nanny and the child I nanny for reacts in different ways depending on who puts her to bed. Make it your husbands job for the week. Let him learn his own ways or do it his way.