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Sleep

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Original poster

Does a 9 week old need a routine?

30 replies

NoManJan · 02/10/2015 23:46

I am friends with a handful of mums who I met doing antenatal classes. I was the first of the group to have my baby and she's now 9 weeks.

We have a group text conversion and recently most the mums have been talking about routines and how they're following Gina Ford. Having set nap times. Napping in the cot.

When I've said that me and DD have no kind of real routine (she sleeps, cuddles and feeds as and where she wants), the others have expressed concerned as my baby is a few weeks older than the rest.

Am I meant to be trying to implement a routine at this point? Am I parenting all wrong. I'm the only one EBF so I'm not sure how I'd go about it.

I was happy with how things are going but now starting to doubt myself and worried I'm making a rod for my own back for when she's older.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Hamishandthefoxes · 02/10/2015 23:48

You're really not . Your DD may adopt a routine at some point or not but she'll be fine. It has very little impact on how she'll be when shes older.

Neddyteddy · 02/10/2015 23:50

Gina ford is for control freaks. Your best bet is letting the baby develop its own natural routines. Which they will do without it being forced.

Neddyteddy · 02/10/2015 23:51

Better to be baby led and learn to read the babies needs

Cirsium · 02/10/2015 23:51

If are you happy carry on as you are. Some people are really hung up on forming a routine, others are happy to go with the baby and let a routine form naturally. As long as your DD is getting sleep, food, comfort and playtime it is fine.

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 02/10/2015 23:56

No, IMO when they're little it's much less stressful to just roll with them than try to impose a rigid structure. Only thing I did with DS and will again this time is create a set bedtime routine to follow from about 6-8 weeks. The exact time of this not that important but having a recognisable routine def helped us settle him more quickly esp when travelling.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 03/10/2015 00:03

Please stay happy doing what you are doing. Your baby is fine cuddling, sleeping, feeding on demand. You are parenting intuitively, attuned to your baby's needs, beautiful. Don't take your friends' concerns to heart, it is sweet of them to want what they believe is the best for you, but you are perfectly fine to make your own parenting decisions, based on what your baby needs and enjoys right now. If you feel a bit bowled over by the formidable force which seems to spring from GF conviction, perhaps consider swatting up on some Dr Sears or Margot Sunderland.
Enjoy your baby !

Original poster

NoManJan · 03/10/2015 00:08

Thanks for your replies. I'm a FTM so given any reason and I doubt myself!

I can see why the other mums from the group are caught up in a routine...anything to get more rest or make sense of the blur of the early weeks. Apparently one of the routines doesn't let you cuddle or feed the baby to sleep...that's the only way my daughter goes to sleep. So I'm clearly doing that wrong too!

I figure she isn't going to be this small for long and surely babies are like us, some days I'm more tired or hungrier than others?

We do have a little bedtime routine where DH changes her, reads a story then we turn the lights down and she feeds to sleep before I put her in her cot.

Thanks for the reassuring words

OP posts:

Original poster

NoManJan · 03/10/2015 00:11

Thanks for that peaceful, I'm trying to follow my instinct when it comes to being a parent. So far so good but I was worried I'd missed out something!

Gina Ford sounds terrifying, I must admit. Babies can't tell the time so I'm confused to how it all works. I think I'd find it quite stressful, especially if babe wasn't asleep/awake at the correct times!

OP posts:

Neddyteddy · 03/10/2015 01:49

Doing a gina Ford won't give more rest in the early weeks. It will mean you are always clock watching and trying to do something with the baby that it might not be ready to do.

It great having a bedtime routine. You will be able to read that your baby is tired and put him to bed

Original poster

NoManJan · 03/10/2015 06:15

I don't like the idea of clock watching...especially as babies can't tell the time. I am anxious when I have to be somewhere at a certain time so it's not for us.

On reading the Dr Sears website, it seems we are attachment parenting without even realising...it's good to have a name to defend myself with when the discussion of routines crops up again.

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Chottie · 03/10/2015 06:20

In a word no.

Just enjoy your baby.

can you tell I hate GF and her routines with a vengeance?

Chottie · 03/10/2015 06:21

p.s. you sound a lovely mum

Original poster

NoManJan · 03/10/2015 08:03

Thank you Chottie I must admit I've not read GF but what I've heard about her methods scare me. I'm also a bit that she doesn't have children.

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HaveTeaWillSurvive · 03/10/2015 09:02

My friend was a Gina ford mum and it really worked for he but it sounds awful to me. I just think our primary role is to give as much love and cuddles as we can, especially in the beginning. DS is a happy confident 3yo boy so it can't be an all
Bad approach ignores fact 3wo DD will probably be a nightmare and disprove whole theory

Neddyteddy · 03/10/2015 12:13

I think a secure attachment is the way forward. It's great you can just say 'no I'm attachment parenting as it's more my style'

TheOriginalWinkly · 03/10/2015 12:15

If you want a book to read that supports the way you're doing it, BabyCalm is a food read.

TheOriginalWinkly · 03/10/2015 12:15

*good read. My autocorrect has taken to correcting perfectly good words.

HaloEveSteve · 03/10/2015 12:30

I didn't follow any routines with my dd. I did try and keep it calmer, darker etc at night times and active in the day, but did not fuss really. She's 14 months old now and I'd say even if you got them into a strict routine at that age, they go through so many growth spurts, teething, injections which will mess everything up a bit anyway.

I do think it makes a difference if you ebf, my dd was until she started solids and she still bfs now, my sil's all ff and I noticed it seemed easier to time out feeds and such with that. But as I'm not really a clock watching type person I found the more relaxed approach suited me better.

I know this is anecdotal but quite a few family members commented positively on how relaxed and natural we were with dd. I know with bil's and sil's who were much more routiney they were completely wrung out with it all.

Sairelou · 03/10/2015 12:30

God no, the Gina Ford book scared me!

When I was looking to get my DS (now 2) into a routine, we used Tracey Hogg's EASY (Eat, Activity, Sleep, Your time) routine. It's not about clock watching, more about having a predictable series of events for the baby and being able to read baby's cues.

TheOriginalWinkly · 03/10/2015 12:40

At 9 weeks DD (ebf) was more like eat, eat, poo, eat, activity, eat, sleep, eat.

At 15 months she goes to sleep at 7.30/8, gets up around 7.15, and has a 2 hour midday nap, entirely down to her.

BikeRunSki · 03/10/2015 12:49

Do what suits you. I'd never heard of GF when ds was born, only - like you - when antenatal friends started doing her routines. I made no effort to get ds into a routine but by 3 or 4 months he'd fallen into one naturally. Even now at 7 he loves routine and habit! With dd, 3 years later, I tried to get her into a routine that followed DS's a bit - no chance! A baby and a 3 year old seem to sleep and eat at totally different times! She muddled along unscathed.

slightlyconfused85 · 03/10/2015 15:30

Have no idea how people can do routines for tiny babies - they are tired like every hour and hungry whenever and tend to sleep in shortish bursts. There must be a lot of crying for your friends. My DS (second) has no obvious routine - he's hungry roughly 3 hourly and tired 1-1.5 hours sometimes a bit less. Best I can do!

starfish12 · 03/10/2015 19:21

.... also don't worry about the feed to sleep thing either. You aren't doing it wrong. Lots of babies go to sleep this way, you can change it later.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 03/10/2015 19:36

A friend of a friend used GF for her eldest and it worked like a dream. Tried again with her DC2, who frankly didn't want to know and it caused much more stress than just going with the flow. I have also always been very about GF not having any kids.

Something I have learned with DD (now nearly 3) is that children change constantly, so routines that are working now will probably go all to pot later! We introduced loose routines, like a bottle at bedtime and same bathtime routine. But I really wouldn't stress about nap times/not cuddling to sleep etc. At this stage, do whatever makes your life easier so you can enjoy things!

Original poster

NoManJan · 03/10/2015 23:31

Thank you, thank you, thank you! All your kind words and experiences have helped reassure me that I'm not doing everything wrong - I honestly felt as though there was this big routine secret/compulsion I was missing out on!

DD has started with a natural pattern. She has a long feed then will sleep a solid 4-5.5 hours in her cot each night, then we cosleep until it's time to get up. Through the day I know that she will have a decent nap at some point around lunchtime.

People often comment about how relaxed we are as a family and how content DD seems. I feel as though this way gives me chance to enjoy the baby stage fully.

Thanks again

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