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3 year old screams at bedtime every night...need help!

10 replies

Sleepdeprived42long · 25/09/2015 21:02

Hi I'm new, been lurking for a while though :waves: Im really needing some help though with my just turned 3 year old's sleep.

Ever since he was a newborn he has hated going to sleep and screamed every time we put him down. When he was in his cot, we got to the stage where we did CIO with him as we could take it no longer. About 9 months ago, he started climbing out his cot at bedtime so we put him in a bed. Since then, getting him to bed at night has been an absolute nightmare. We have a regular bedtime routine-bath, episode of Thomas the Tank with banana and drink, then upstairs for teeth brush then 2 stories and talk about the day in bed (whole thing lasts around 45mins). We aim for him to be in bed by 8pm. That's when the fun starts-screaming, running about, coming downstairs, laughing when we put him back to bed.

I feel like we've tried everything-putting him back (no difference even after 4 days-he thought it was a hilarious game), ignoring him (would be up all night), letting him stay up till he was exhausted, earlier bedtime, cutting out daytime naps. The end was always the same-fighting bedtime and screaming when being told to go to bed. For the last few weeks we've resorted to standing at his door holding it slightly ajar so he sees we're there but he can't get out. He is screaming about this every night, kicking the door etc, but does eventually after 45mins-ish go to his bed and sleep. But I can't keep doing this when he's showing no signs of improvement. I'm at a complete loss and am just exhausted by this constant battle every night. Thankfully he's a brilliant kid during the day, just turns into a terror at bed time.

Apologies for the essay and if you've got to this bit, thanks for reading my plight. Am open to all and any suggestions please-I'm desperate!

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FusionChefGeoff · 25/09/2015 21:09

Could you afford a professional sleep consultant??? It sounds like you've tried everything but maybe you're not giving enough time for a change before switching it up to try something else.

When you are so close to the situation emotionally and so worn down by the relentlessness, 5 minutes can seem like an hour and 2 bad nights feels like a week.

I've never used one but I would imagine they could be much more methodical and give you moral support to keep plugging away until you've cracked it.

Some I've seen do very affordable (less than £50) email packages so that could be worth a try?

Sleepdeprived42long · 25/09/2015 21:22

Thanks for replying. To be honest I hadn't ever heard of a professional sleep consultant but maybe your right! Will look into it-I'm willing to try anything as we can't keep going on like this. X

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VictorJames · 25/09/2015 21:25

I wouldn't go down after the bath, once you're upstairs that should be it.

When does he get up and does he nap? 8pm is quite a late bedtime. To be honest by this age I'd be putting a baby gate across the door and telling him I'd see him in the morning. That'd be that. He would spend a few nights pissed off and then accept it. Maybe I'm a hard arse?

FusionChefGeoff · 25/09/2015 21:26

I've sent you a PM

VictorJames · 25/09/2015 21:27

Or would he fall asleep if you stayed there till he dropped off? Then after a few days you could start leaving when he was drowsy but awake?

Id go for the tough love approach at 3 yrs tho really.

Sleepdeprived42long · 25/09/2015 21:42

Hi VictorJames he's up at 7am. He naps 1-2:30 (sometimes shorter). We tried fitting a baby gate to his door actually but it must be narrower than the stairs and it didn't fit. That's when we started holding the door ajar. He hasnt accepted that and it's been weeks! Think I'll go measure his door and see if I can get a narrower gate though. At least that way I don't have to listen to his screaming on the other side of the door!

Think your point about taking him downstairs after bath is a good one-will need to try a tweak to the routine see if that helps! Ive tried the staying with him-doesn't work I'm afraid, he just gets out of bed and tries to leaves the room as soon as we say it's bedtime-even if that means leaving me in his room!

Thanks for the ideas-much appreciated!

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goldglittershitter · 25/09/2015 21:44

Watching with interest. Very similar boat here !

VictorJames · 25/09/2015 21:47

sounds similar to my 3 year olds sleeping hours then... My 3.4 year old is up at 7, sleeps at 1pm and I wake him at 2pm or he'd sleep for ages. Then he's in bed for 7.30.

Yes the benefit of the gate is you can sod off somewhere quieter Grin

Cb148 · 25/09/2015 22:13

Have you tried not letting him nap & then putting him down earlier? I can't let my 3 yr old ds nap if I can help it otherwise all hell breaks loose at bedtime. An hour and a half seems quite a lot of daytime sleep to me for a 3 yr old? And 8pm is quite a late bedtime I think. X

Sleepdeprived42long · 26/09/2015 20:40

Hi sorry for late reply-thanks for your suggestions people. Well decided to bite the bullet today and try to cut down the pm nap. I tried to get him to have quiet time in his room (rather than let him fall asleep in the car then move to bed). It wasn't too successful as he refused to stay in his room but will persevere. He then fell asleep in the car when we went out at 3-but only for 10/15mins. We still had a major battle tonight at bedtime. We've agreed to give it a week. His behaviour today was awful-very boisterous and cranky-clearly cause he'd not had enough sleep. Will keep you all posted!

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