Is there an 18 month sleep regression, or did I do something bad in a past life?

[53rdAndBird]

Toddler has always been a pretty bad sleeper (wakes about 3 times/night on average, slept through the night once at 12 weeks then never again), but the past few weeks have just been awful. She's waking 5/6 times a night, of which one wakeup is a 1-2 hour manic fun midnight playtime as far as she's concerned.

She started nursery about a month ago and is settling in well. I started a new full-time job a couple of weeks ago (was SAHP for a few months before) so wondering if that's related? Naps are still fine, at home and nursery, and she still clearly needs them. But nights, oh dear God.

We cosleep with a bedside cot (feel free to tsk, but it has been the only way to get a survivable amount of sleep - yes we have tried her in cot on her own, no it did not help). We don't let her get up and play with toys etc in the early hours.

Really I'm not looking for advice, unless you know of some magic sleep remedy that none of the books mention. (Trust me that in 18 months of a non-sleeping baby I have familiarised myself with absolutely everything the books have to say and really don't want to hear any more about strong bedtime routines or Drowsy But Awake. Not prepared to do CC because she very, very quickly gets herself worked up to panicky and vomiting all over herself.)

Just want to know if other people's toddlers did this too, and how long it took before they grew out of it? Hoping I have not broken her forever by going back to work

Yes we dropped his nap at 20months and changed to an earlier bedtime - 6pm to 530am is the norm now.

We're doomed if that's the only way to fix it - she's a walking zombie without that nap, and we couldn't manage a bedtime that early.

Ah well, they'll all sleep when they're teenagers, right? (Please?)

I have no advice sorry - only 12 weeks into this roller coaster of sleep deprivation - but plenty of hand holding and it sounds hellish. I really hope things improve for you - one thing I'm learning is that no one phase lasts forever in this parenting business...

Yes we had an 18 month one. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and had to get up every night to lift my 15kg toddler and cuddle him back to sleep every hour. Joy! Then it passed just like that... maybe lasted a week...

We took a couple of months to completely drop the nap (after 2 months of waiting the the phase to end) we gradually reduced the time and had it some days rather than all. He still (just two) has the occasional 20min but it's less and less.

She may not need such a long nap if she wasn't awake for 1-2 hours in the night though. My dd didn't sleep through until 18 months, although she was in her own room. We had to leave her to settle herself in the end, have always gone in when she first wakes, and still do, but once we've checked she's ok and doesn't need water etc she's left to go back to sleep. And this was despite her being a cry til she vomits child as well (you definitely don't want her to build an association that being sick gets her what she wants!). She was sick the odd time, but we calmly cleaned her and changed her, keeping quiet and low lights, then again left her to it.

If you're against it fair enough, but it really does work. And once a fully fledged toddler, you're going to have to leave them to cry many times anyway, as they can't always have what they want anymore! The sickness won't stop you once the tantrums start.

My dd only cries during the night now if she is poorly or has had a bad dream. So the theory that they just learn to not cry when they need you is not true ime. She has just learnt to settle herself back to sleep at the end of each cycle, which is necessary for a toddler to get enough sleep. She is very happy during the day and tantrums etc are massively decreased despite being prime age for it!

No, I'm not happy with leaving her to cry until she's covered in vomit, and I doubt she's vomiting as a deliberate getting-what-she-wants strategy! I can tell the difference between tantrum "but I wanted to crayon on the furniture" crying and distressed "get here now I need you" crying, and I'm not going to ignore the second.

She can and does put herself back to sleep at the end of a sleep cycle lots of the time (although obviously not every time), whether or not I'm there, so I don't see that as the problem. It's just the weird 1-2 hour wake up periods she's started in the last couple of weeks. And she is tired during those, I'm sure of it, she's just... awake. We had this at 9 months too and she did pass through it, but aaaargh I was hoping those days were gone for good.

Naps range between 30-90 minutes, usually under an hour, and have if anything been getting shorter while this has been going on. She's also been much more tired during the day. We would have to actually poke her with sharpened sticks or something all day to keep her awake at this point - I really doubt she's ready to drop the nap for good.

Last night was better, though - woke 5/6 times again, grargh, but was back to sleep quickly without any two-hour-long wakes. Maybe the tide has turned...