Gentle sleep training solution for boob addicted 4m.o!?

[cosmicdancer89]

Hello all,

I have a beautiful 4 month old boy who is quite a handful high needs baby -- likes constant movement (only in the sling or in arms), hates his pram and car seat, doesn't sleep in his own crib etc. etc.

I've pretty much stopped trying to 'fight' his needs and unconsciously adapted an attachment parent approach, mostly because it's what keeps him more or less satisfied... and obviously calm(ish) son = happier me. I'm ignoring comments on how I 'should' get him used to a pram, or 'should' get him to sleep in his crib at night. He's attached at the hip to me in my sling and we co-sleep. He is exclusively breast fed.

My only niggling concern is how he has gotten used to the boob to the point nobody else can put him to sleep. He likes to doze off as I feed him whilst slightly rocking him and ''sssh'ing. If he's relatively sleepy this tends to work more or less alright.

Problem is, when there's no boob in sight, he will fight sleep to the point where he's super cranky and overtired, and then it's a whole other ball game... screaming, thrashing, inconsolable despite cuddles/rocking/singing/distracting. So, of course, to avoid such heart wrenching meltdowns, we have stuck to the boob and rock routine.

The reason I'm concerned is that in about 6 weeks' time I will need to slowly start doing some work and will have to spend 2 days a week at the library, potentially working quite late. I'm going to pump so my supply maintains. However, my concern is that the caregiver is going to be unable to put him to sleep...and I definitely won't manage to get any work done because I'll be imagining my DS screaming hysterically because there's no boob to soothe him :(

So, question is -- how can I get him used to other sleep routines? How do I transition to just rocking him to sleep? Should I try to get my husband to see if he can do it several days in a row as if he smells the milk on me he'll still demand boob? Right now if he does manage to fall asleep without me he wakes up shortly after (45 min - 1 hour) and starts bobbing his head around for boob. Not hungry, just needs nipple comfort. So if I'm not there, how can he be soothed back to sleep?

Also, is it possible to get him used to sleeping 'on the go' again? He used to be able to nap in the sling and pram which was great as allowed me to go out for lunch/see my friends on the occasion. But now he only naps truly well at home, in our bed, with me beside him. And preferably boob in mouth...

Oh, and he doesn't take the dummy. And I won't do CIO.

Thanks in advance!

I think this is a really common concern. In terms of a gentle approach to stop feeding to sleep, I think this is called the Pantley Pull Off but you basically remove your nipple from his mouth when he's not actually feeding anymore so that he falls asleep without it in his mouth. Obviously, lots of babies will wake right up again as soon as it's removed so you have to repeat this process a lot of times until he actually falls asleep. I'm not entirely convinced that it works as there's still a huge feeding to sleep association in my mind - they aren't as distant as they need to be.

As you probably know, your DS will be a lot more distractable now he is interested in the world around him so it is a good time to enter into more of a Wake-Feed-Activity-Sleep (EASY) routine. I used this chart as it fit well with my DS www.mybabysleepguide.com/2013/02/average-sleep-charts-by-age.html

I think the key was to start getting him to sleep before he looked tired - when he seemed tired, he was in fact overtired.

Basically, if you want to stop feeding to sleep, you just have to do it. This doesn't mean that you have to let him CIO in a room on his own but you just need to use the sling, shh-pat etc without the boob. Feeding when he wakes up rather than when it's time to sleep is a good approach though.

Watching this for ideas as my DD (15 wks) is fed to sleep (mostly) unless she's in the sling or the car.

We usually have a super feeding session on an evening to get her to sleep, which I don't mind too much (it's actually quite cute when she's finally finished and pops off and that's it, asleep).

But daytime, goodness me. I've just put her down for a nap now after feeding her to sleep, but I'm not convinced she'll stay asleep! I just can't seem to settle her for daytime naps at all

At 4mo, DS was a velco baby. He was sleeping in a hammock in the living room or in the sling during the day and we were coosleeping (+ bf to sleep) at night. He was feeding every 3 hours on the dot.
Then by 5mo, he went in his room at night (mattress on the floor) and started wanting a dummy (a silicone one like the naturesutten or goldi) at the end of a feed. Ewan the sheep helped as well.
By 6mo, I just had to put him in the sling 30min - 1hr a day and he was happy to play the rest of the time. Naps started happening in his room. He started drinking expressed milk from a cup. He could go 5hrs between feeds.
Now 8mo, he knows the difference between home (boob to sleep) and the creche (expressed milk in a cup and sleep in the pillows on the floor after a cuddle). The link is Ewan the sheep which goes everywhere he needs to sleep.

My 2 cents are:

• introduce a transitional object (dummy or toy or whatever)
• don't do anything (or maybe just the pull off method) until he actually goes to the child minder but have a 2 weeks adaptation phase to build up his tolerance (1h with you the 1st day, 30min with you 30min without the 2nd day, 1h alone the 3rd day, etc.)

He'll probably be very different in 6 weeks and they adapt surprisingly well with other people. It might be more emotional for you :)
Good luck!

Thank you for all the advice! I'm not expecting him to fall asleep on his own but I need to know that he will be able to fall asleep if I'm not there without hysterical fit.

Last night I asked my husband to try rocking him to sleep and my babe went ballistic -- proper screaming for 15 minutes (husband continued to try and rock/soothe him, but he was just screaming in his arms)... as soon as I picked him up and gave him boob, he quietened down.....

This wouldn't be a problem in itself if I didn't have to start work soon. It also means I can't have a single evening off to spend with my partner because nobody else can put him to sleep.

We co-sleep at night and he pretty much wakes up every hour or so to suckle on the breast and fall back asleep, so he obviously has no idea how to self-settle. I'm fine co-sleeping for now but my partner and I would like our own bed back by the time he's able to walk, so by about a year we'd like him to be in the crib.

I want to approach this as gently as I can but I've heard that the NCSS doesn't really work... should we try pick up, put down? Any ideas??

I have no advice really, just wanted to say you are obviously thinking in the future with everything ie: want him to be able to get to sleep without you and want him to be in the cot at 1. In my experience the babies don't tend to magically overnight not need us anymore, you have to keep trying. So try every night for a set period of time to get your partner to try to settle the baby and try a nap in the cot at least once a day that way you are giving the baby the opportunity to be ok with these things. Hope that makes some sense and good luck.