4 year old regular nightly visits

[DadDude]

Hi all

Our 4 year old has never been a good sleeper, but we have stabilised to him coming in most nights, waking us and being directed to a camp bed next to our bed, or just getting in with us and us waking up to his hot/fidgety presence some point after he has made his visit.

He currently shares a room with our 18 month old, as we saw improvements when we moved him out of his larger bedroom to share with the baby, and found it easier to get them to sleep together than alone.

Before we moved him out of his bedroom into the smaller room with baby (now toddler) he was coming in on a nightly basis, and visible shaken by nightscares etc. We tried the strict approach but just didn't feel it was appropriate after a while. I don't think he was faking then but it is hard to know just how real his nightime fears are now. He talks about the Gruffalo as his chief tormentor, but I wonder if that is just talk as a standard response to our questions as to why he comes in, and whether it is just habit.

We are concerned that his behaviour will affect the young child's behaviour when he is old enough to notice, and think it is time we cracked this, as he is doing very well in most other areas and seems to be a very well balanced little person for his age (aside from trying to stamp on my toes at the moment a lot a game).

I would say my wife is quite bullish about such matters, and I am bearish. My concern is that any strictness might make his fears worst, and that they might negatively impact him and his personal growth.... Pcycho mumbo jumbo to some I guess, but I'm a believer that childhood experiences have a big impact on yourself.

We have talked to him about removing the camp bed from our room in the last couple of days and he has not taken it very well for example, but the resistance is understandable.

What approaches would people recommend please?

Thank you

I would take him back to his own bed every time be comes into your room. It'll take a while, but the message will eventually hit home if you're consistent.

Yes, I have thought of that myself. I really struggle to get myself out of bed to do it at the moment! Thanks very much :)

My five year old dd is the same-a stealth nighttime ninja. We tried the putting in bed when she woke for two weeks with no success. She is quite imaginative and prone to slight anxiety/over thinking anyway. We have come to accept it-we all sleep better and she won't still be going it when she's twelve. Ds shows absolutely inclination to follow the same path to join us-he just seems to need a lot less reassurance and doesn't gain the same comfort dd does. He never has. We find time to get jiggy before midnight when dd is sound asleep in her own bed.

Our 4 and 6 year olds still regularly drop by on us. We have a big bed and because I share your view that childhood experiences have a big impact on us we just let them stay. Our 10 year old has never slept a night in our bed, ever so it is just a personality thing IMHO.

You have my sympathies, my 4 yo does the same. My 11Yo is anxious after changing schools. Last night it seemed like they squabbled from 2am until I put myself between them (in my bed) at 3am. I didn't get back to sleep.

Bless them all... (grrrr)