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15 month old doesn't sleep, back to work panic!

13 replies

WhyAspoonCousin · 08/09/2015 08:59

15 month old ds has never slept though, he cries through the night until I feed him. I really don't want to still be breastfeeding. I have stopped during the day and only do it at bedtime.
I get at the most 45 mins of sleep at a time. I'm going back to work in a few days time. It will be very long hours and a long drive. Very worried that I won't cope.
Does anyone have any advice how to stop him feeding? Because then at least DH could help get him back to sleep. I can't leave him to cry. Initially he sleeps from 8-11.30 then wakes up constantly until I give up at 8am.

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TheClacksAreDown · 08/09/2015 09:13

I had similar. DC wanted feeding at least 3 times a night. I cracked at 15 months having been back at work for 6 months and on my knees. So for a few nights Dh went in instead, cuddled and offered a bottle of expressed milk instead every time. This was met with a furious response and point blank refusal to drink the milk. 15 minutes of anger but then went back to sleep. So it was clear this was comfort and habit not genuine hunger. Unbelievable on night 2 there was 1 wake up and from night 3, slept through. I was amazed and should have done it sooner. Alternative to milk is offer water if you think milk would still be attractive.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/09/2015 09:32

I had to do cold turkey in the end when I went back to work. DD1 [terrible sleeper, lots of overnight snacking] refused to drink any sort of milk at all for about 6 months. We put into all her food instead and the GP and health visitors were totally unconcerned [she was a bit of a chubster] I was massively stressed though as according to all the manuals, she should still have been getting lots of nutrition via milk, and keeping her hydrated over the hot summer was tricky.

With DD2 things were heading down the same track as her big sister [mix fed from birth, started to drop formula milk feeds rather than BF when being weaned and then became a total bottle refusnik. It all came to a head when she got a nasty cold/cough virus and would only take milk. I simply didn't have the supply and she finally cracked.

In both cases though they were fully weaned from BF by 8.5 months old. Working and bfing did not work for me. DD2 naturally weaned onto formula as I couldn't get home early enough before she was screaming for a bottle of milk and bed.

At 15 months I would be comfortable that my child was getting enough nutrition from solids. I think you are going to have to woman up and tough it out, refuse to feed for the next few nights and deal with the screaming. It is just temper imo. Distraction can help. I could recite The Gruffalo in the dark by the time my DD would sleep through but it was only when I went back to work and she was out and about all day with childcare that she was knackered enough to simply conk and sleep straight through.

BF at bedtime if you want to continue it but then refuse to entertain any more demands until morning. I think that's confusing for a small child though as there isn't a clear message that there is no more food available via boob so if you want to stop feeding, then do.

With some children it works for the partner to resettle / offer the feeds but in my experience [admittedly with younger children] it was counter productive as they just sobbed their hearts out trying to get me into their rooms. Much less stressful all around for me to say no even if I had to do a bit of co-sleeping. If your child is actually thirsty they will take a cup of water.

Is your DH a patient man? If you stayed with a friend on Thursday and Friday night would he be ok to deal with your son overnight. You don't need to have your son still screaming the house down on Sunday night. 2-3 nights usually does it.

The alternative is that you drive into a ditch in the next few weeks and don't see your child grow up. Sorry to be brutal but you need to put this into context if you are really only getting 45 mins at a stretch. It's not sustainable.

WhyAspoonCousin · 08/09/2015 12:42

Thank you for the responses. I think I will try to get him to sleep without feeding as I know he is just doing if for comfort, I managed to quite easily get him down for day naps without but the night is another story. He is like a different baby.

I can't really let him scream. He is too upset and we live in flats and I know the people all around us are disturbed, I can hear them get up. He is so distressed in the night, nothing can calm him. I will try reading to him in the night tonight. I think he has picked up that something is about to happen too.

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omri · 08/09/2015 13:08

Why a Spoon - I came on to look for help on the exact same issue. It's amazing you are going through exact same thing! I am actually embarrassed as DD is nearly 18 months and still waking up at least 3 times a night. We've got her down to just giving bit of water. Our problem is that if we try the cry it out method she gets so hysterical screaming that she ends up vomiting everywhere. But the last 2 nights have been so bad that I really dont know what to do anymore... she goes down at 8 with abso no bother but then it all starts from 11pm til 4am. Its horrible when you actually dread night-time... The last 2 nights she actually screamed and screamed for hours on end - not actually crying. She's got 4 teeth coming through but still.... horrendous.
DP and I had started off last night "ok this is the night we tough it out... " but neither of us could bear the screams. I am so embarrassed in front of the neighbours too - we're in apartments...
sorry for rambling post but you get it - sleep deprived!

PotteringAlong · 08/09/2015 13:15

My DS1 was like this - if I left him he would cry until he vomited. He naturally started sleeping through just before his 2nd birthday so there's light at the end of the tunnel!

omri · 08/09/2015 13:21

Thank you pottering - that actually helps.
I do wonder will she be like this forever!
We are so tired of cleaning up and changing sheets in the middle of the night that we have succumbed to going in with the drop of water each time which usually puts her back to sleep. But the past few nights have been ridiculous with the screams and hysterics. And just looks like boldness to me! But had to pick her up a lot last night to calm her as she was in convulsions at one point. She's such an angel during the day though, just turns into a nightmare at night :(

Millionprammiles · 08/09/2015 13:46

Its really tough, we did CC with dd at 11 months, it wasn't easy.

Apparently there is a No Cry Sleep Solution but I've never found it...
If a 15 month old is used to bfeeding at night for comfort, they are likely to object strongly when its taken away.

If you can find the form of comfort that is easiest/quickest to provide and that your child can reach for themselves, maybe that's the answer for now?
Dd loved her dummy, we put multiple dummies in her cot and took longer and longer to go in to pop it back in her mouth. She soon worked out it was easier to reach for one herself than wait for us...

Can your little one go to bed with a bottle of water for example for now? Don't worry about the long term (its only water). Dd gave up her dummy herself at 3 with no lasting effects.

WhyAspoonCousin · 08/09/2015 13:47

Omri I feel your pain! He's a lovely smiley baby all day then after midnight.....
We haven't had sick but it sounds the same situation. The added bed changes do not sound fun at all.
I feel like everyone else who had a baby at the same time as me has handled it so much better and I should have sorted it by now but nothing seems to work and when you are so worn out you have very little willpower.
It's nice to know it could just end randomly!
If you come up with a plan, please share! Good luck!

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TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/09/2015 13:48

Can you put a mattress on the floor beside the cot? The sound of my breathing used to get DD1 to settle and I could at least function the next day.

I look back with embarrassment at DD1. We [particularly DH who tends to have rather "man up" tendencies] were very precious about giving her "drugs", lots of teething powders etc. She had 4 top teeth come down like a portcullis around the 6-7 month mark and everything really went to pot then. It took months for things to settle back into any sort of a routine and I co-slept a lot when her molars were coming through.

Second time around I just gave DD2 a spoon of calpol and we really never had any big sleep traumas. She was practically through the night at 12 weeks though - blissful second child in that respect but we changed a lot of our first time parent behaviours generally.

DD1's nanny used to sing Twinkle, twinkle little star over and over to her until she calmed down for day time naps. I'd always resorted to taking her out in the pram. Up to 40 mins +. If ever there was someone that convinced me that going back to work was the best thing I could do Blush

I don't think it's right to leave them to simply cry it out endlessly. It is inhuman. But a child can be calmed down and left again. Instead of the schush pat method, I used the schush, snore method; as in can I get to sleep before you do tucked up in my sleeping bag on the floor Grin

WhyAspoonCousin · 08/09/2015 13:59

Thanks everyone!
He used to take a dummy then when his teeth came through didn't want it anymore- a bit of a disaster, it used to soothe him so much.
He is teething-seems like all of them at once and we are not sparing the calpol!
I think he gets pain relief from sucking. (Will not take a bottle either) we give him teething powders and I usually bring him into my bed when he cries (again probably created this problem myself)
It's very bad at the moment but has never really been great. I will try an air bed in his room tonight.

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omri · 08/09/2015 14:43

WhyAspoon - will report back tomorrow (looking for sympathy)... Have to agree strategy with DP for tonight - might try the sleeping on the floor too beside the cot.

omri · 09/09/2015 11:12

How did you get on last night Why?
We had a better night than the one before.
The shrieks and screams started again at 3am - dp just went in and slept on the floor beside her and she slept through then til 8.30!

WhyAspoonCousin · 09/09/2015 16:58

That sounds like a result! Not so good here, we lost any sense of a plan and had him in with us, all was ok when I fed him, so I did that.
I think I really need to get DH to spend the night on his floor too. He sees me and won't settle for anything other than boob.

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