Is the 'Golden rule' just a big fat myth?

[Phoebsterdog]

So according to nearly all 'experts' the golden rule of sleep is to put baby down awake, so they send themselves to sleep. Then when they stir they can send themselves off again and have nice long naps and sleep well at night. Blah blah blah.

Well hooray, I've put some energy into this and 4 month old can now be put down awake and happily nod off by herself (with the help of white noise in the room)
Ok it's not EVERY time, sometimes she bf's to sleep, sometimes she cries and I go in and do a bit of comforting/ PU-PD.. But the point is, in general, she CAN send herself to sleep (no crying)

BUT she still wakes after 40 mins for naps and is up every 2 hours at night (after an initial 3-4 Hours max stretch at bedtime)

The only thing that settles her at night is boob. She screams if put down awake then, even after a feed. So I'm getting 1.5 hour chunks of sleep and so is she really. We are knackered and poor toddler has a tired mum all day.

So is this stupid 'golden rule' just a big fat myth?! I know about the 4 month sleep regression but she's always been like this.

I'm not ready to deal with crying in the middle of the night so I always end up with her in bed with me so we can both get some rest.

I don't really know what or why I'm asking, I'm very tired.

Yes it's a pile of bollocks IME . Sorry. Mine woke up just as often/not often (depending on child) when they could fall asleep by themselves.

It sounds logical doesn't it though?

Feeding to sleep is fine, they generally start to settle by themselves when they're ready.

Im ending up with mine in bed at the moment too, if I can't get her to stay also in her crib.

It sucks being so tired, also with the older ones appearing through at the crack of dawn. Yawn.

Thanks Circlelake, that makes me feel better (for some reason?!)

Bloody 'experts'!

I ended up cosleeping with DS and we both got SO much more sleep. Worth a thought if you dont already.

Not sure, really. With my first child I did exactly what you did with the same results. And I was tired. Now, at five, he sleeps through happily. With my second I just couldn't be bothered. I fed her to sleep and did a fair bit of accidental co-sleeping whilst feeding. I ended up less tired and it was a lot easier. Now, at two, she often wakes up and wants to get into our bed, where she quickly falls asleep. Sharing our bed would never occur to our son.

dd1 was just like this, self settled well, slept for 4 hours when put to bed and then woke up to feed every 1-2 hours during the night.

I could not shift her 4 hour block later, and I was knackered.

I wasn't ready to do CC at 4 months, so put up with it until she was about 7 months, and then did it and stopped night feed, I offered her water, it took 2 nights and she slept right through 10 pm to 7 am.

As far as my experience goes, and the experience of pretty much all my friends, the 'golden rule' is: everyone gets more sleep when you co-sleep and boob to sleep. Won't last forever, solves the most pressing problem now.

You need to be consistent. If you never feed to sleep, she will never expect to be fed to sleep.

I don't think it's a load of bollocks. Ds was a shitty sleeper, despite doing everything 'right' but at least he didn't regress

My 19mo (that's right) has self-settled since 4-5mo. He now asks to go to bed and snuggles down and goes to sleep beautifully for naps and bedtime.

AND YET He still needs settling back at least once a night. He's slept through 3 times in his life. You name it, we've tried it.

So he's either the exception that proves the rule or the rule is bollocks.

There is no golden rule, that works for all babies. They are all different, so what works for one, won't work for another. You need to work out what works for yours. I hope you start getting more sleep soon!

in my experience - the Golden Rule is - there are no rules......

I've consistently got mine to self settle dc2 from birth dc1,took a few weeks and they self settle now but who know might just be chance. Of course when young they woke for feeds in the nigh and both have very early starts but so do me and dh.

Mine did almost exactly that. Initial 3-4 hr blocknthen every2ish hrs for boob. So many people get that, is it sleep cycle related.

Untilnmn i thought 45-1hr nsps were normal. Especially when down to one nap. Not sure mine ever slept much more.

I have different sleep patterns / preferences to DH, and I would expect DD to have different sleep patterns from a baby down the road.

Do what feels right and suits you and your baby. Then find an "expert" who recommendeds this "method" and spout their name to make it look like you know what you're doing

When my DD was that age I was also feeding to sleep, co-sleeping, all naps in sling - cos that's what worked, nothing else did and I wouldn't leave her to cry. Then at about 9 months all those things gradually stopped working. And she was still waking every 1-2 hours. But she showed signs of being willing to go in the cot on her own.

I used to hate all those baby expert books, they made me so miserable as I felt like a 'failure' when I should have just rolled with what DD needed and not fret that it would last forever unless I Did Something About It.

Now she goes into the cot fully awake. I've night weaned which has made a big difference. I'm sure it was confusing for her that sometimes she was put down and expected to fall asleep alone, at other times she was fed to sleep, and sometimes put in the sling if she wasn't 'due' a feed.

So this is a long way of saying that I think putting down drowsy but awake is important for them to learn to self settle, but that you can't force them into it, they'll get there when they're ready with maybe a bit of nudging in the right direction...