I really hope someone can help because I feel very isolated and depressed right now. I have a 10 month old who can't self soothe or sleep through the night. He was waking up 4+ times per night until recently, I've been trying really hard to get him to sleep in his cot lately, he'll usually go down around 7-8pm depending on his last nap, He has a bottle, then I rock and walk with him until hes sleeping. He then wakes up somewhere between 10pm-2am for a bottle, after this feed I walk around with him and he goes back into his cot until around 4am, he wakes for another bottle (it's the only thing that will get him back to sleep, he's also refusing the bottle or comfort from my husband now, he'll only take it or settle with me) he wakes up around 6am, sometimes 6:45. Occasionally he'll sleep through until 3-4am and then wake again at 6. He always comes into our bed at the last wake up because he won't go back into his cot no matter what we do. He has two naps, first in the am for about an hour, the second is 1 1/2-2 hours, usually I hold him for the entire nap because he won't let me put him down, unless its on our bed, I very occasionally manage to get him to sleep in his cot, but he doesn't sleep for long.
I could handle the wake ups and rocking IF he wasn't staying over at my mother-in-laws once a week. He sleeps through the night there and has done for the past 6 weeks, he goes to bed around the same time 7-8pm and wakes again at 6am. One of the reasons for this could be because they allow him to sleep in their bed all night, my mother in law stays with him the entire night, she'll get into the bed when he goes to sleep, so maybe he trusts that he'll never be on his own? Whereas he knows I leave the room for a while and he'll wake up alone at some point, I don't know. It's not really possible for me to stop him from sleeping there because they're totally obsessed with him and I've allowed it for so long, it would really upset them if I put a stop to his sleepovers.
I feel like I should be starting some kind of sleep training because he's getting quite big now and it really hurts my back to have to rock him so often, I also want him to be more comfortable in his cot, but I feel like anything I do here will be pointless because of what happens when he sleeps there. He also goes there for the day (but doesn't sleep) mid week, they've always allowed him to sleep on their bed every nap time and I think this could have created a problem, he's so reliant on ours or their bed for relaxing him now I don't know how or if I'll be able to break it.
Also, I'm aware of the safety guidelines with letting babies co-sleep. My mother-in-law is very aware, as am I. I wouldn't trust anyone else to sleep in the bed with him. He used to sleep in his crib for her but screams and instantly wakes up now, so she's given up. They're getting a cot this week though.
Should I put a stop to him going there? Should I start sleep training him? I'd really appreciate some advice, I don't know where to go from here. The constant comparions are making me feel like I feel like a failure (theres much more to this unfortunately, apparently he's a perfect eater there, he sleeps in the pushcair for them, total opposite here. Then theres the fact that he always comes back with the poops for there, they let him get too much sun etc) it's making me very emotional and depressed.